In one of my groups

[Nothingnoted]

I always hear this forgive ourselves and reject the guilt for some reason I can't forgive myself I feel like a horrible person all the time and a lot of times I don't even feel like I can say the right things to other people. My mind always blames myself and I can't take the dislike for myself off. I currently see a therapist and a psychiatrist but it feels like no matter what they tell me like the therapist everything just goes out the door like an five minutes after I leave the office and even there are therapy and stuff doesn't help after a while I don't know what to do anymore

[Hidden]

Hi. I for one find it incredibly hard to forgive myself as well. I think lots of us struggle with this. We are, after all, our own worst enemy. Would it help you to think about the following:

say a friend made a mistake to you. What would you say to them? (You'd probably say comforting things, right?). Take that and translate it to yourself.

Have you talked to your therapist about what you bring up in this post?

[Nothingnoted in reply to Hidden]

Hi Norw, I haven't talked to much about it but I will and the idea that you gave me about what would you say to your friend I think that would work really good too thank you

[Hidden in reply to Nothingnoted]

I'm glad you like that idea. I hope it helps!

[Nothingnoted in reply to Hidden]

Thank you🙂

[Hidden in reply to Nothingnoted]

any time! Always glad to help!😊

[Dolphin14]

Hi NN

I'm not looking for details but wondering what you feel you need to forgive yourself for?

I hope you take time to evaluate these issues. Did you really do something wrong or is someone in your present or past driving those thoughts?

❤️🐬

[Nothingnoted in reply to Dolphin14]

Hi Dolphin, it's all stuff in the present in the past things have been trying to forgive and things are trying to forgive what happened to me

[Dolphin14 in reply to Nothingnoted]

Take your time with this. Like anything we need to process things and not put pressure on ourselves.

❤️❤️

[LilyAnnepuppy]

“What Is Forgiveness? Psychologists generally define forgiveness as a conscious, deliberate decision to release feelings of resentment or vengeance toward a person or group who has harmed you, regardless of whether they actually deserve your forgiveness.”

I can’t live in peace unless I forgive. I need to let go of resentment, blame and vengeance. Especially towards myself.

I have caused a lot of people harm over the years that I’ve needed to make amends for. I have done that. Then the process of forgiving myself is easier.

As to the wrongs done me? Well I have a list of people, places and things who I pray for. It doesn’t mean I surrender to an unacceptable event or behavior. It just helps me get rid of the anger.

And I have to do something about the anger at myself for my imperfections. I am not a bad person trying to get good. I’m a sick person trying to get well.

I also need to address my self criticism and severe self judgement. If I wasn’t so hard on myself, I wouldn’t dislike myself as much.

Sorry if none of this makes sense, but it is a topic of debate amongst my peers.

May you find peace.

[Nothingnoted in reply to LilyAnnepuppy]

Thank you. I have to definitely forgive people have done to me and also forgive myself in the process cuz I'm having a really hard time with forgiving myself I just wish I could turn back time and change things over but I know it can't

[LilyAnnepuppy in reply to Nothingnoted]

I needed to experience and do everything I did to be who I am today. And life ain’t too shabby some days.

[designguy]

One of the things that helped me with forgiveness was understanding that we only gain wisdom through lived experiences. It's called hindsight because again, we only get it through those lived experiences. We all get to a point in our lives and wish we had done some things differently in the past but the reality is we made the choices based upon what we knew at the time.

I also think some of us might have more difficulty with forgiving ourselves depending on our programming from our family of origin so it's worth looking at that for instance I developed perfectionism as a result of my programming which made forgiving myself more difficult. A lot of us were also not parented with compassion nor were we taught to be compassionate with ourselves so it's something we need to learn to do for ourselves and reparent ourselves in a healthy constructive way.

[bowJim in reply to designguy]

reading your post makes me think of "The forgiveness of the illusion",

miraclecenter.org/a-course-...

[bowJim]

A false belief or perception of yourself will produce a split mind,

I agree with you some therapies have not worked for me, there are different therapies that can help with this, speak with your psychotherapist about other therapy options, there are many options available to you, for me it was about finding the one that will works for you. best wishes.

[Nothingnoted in reply to bowJim]

Thank you. I haven't actually discussed it with her yet but I will thank you

[bowJim]

Your welcome, it is nice to share, something in your post prompted me to write initially and it was your comment about Forgiveness' for me understanding how is fundamental to my perception of how I see the world, If you feel you want to expand on your thoughts, if you think it may help you, I am happy to share.