One of those Days

[EchoSounding]

I feel so down. Like I'm so sad and feel so hopeless. Everything feels pointless. Tuesday, everything was fine. I felt great. But yesterday, today, I just feel like nothing and that nothing is worth it.

I don't wanna trouble my family or my guy with it either. It just feels like I'm a burden to them. Plus then they feel bad and like they aren't worth anything because I'm depressed even though they're here. They don't understand that it's just my mind.

Maybe it's the fact that I haven't been home in two weeks because I've been pet sitting for people. Maybe I'll feel better once I'm there. Or worse. Who knows.

I'm so tired and I've barely done anything today. Fed the cats, watered the plants. I haven't even been wanting to eat or drink. I literally have to force myself.

Ugh, I think I may go take a nap. I don't know though. I just wanna be better. I just wanna feel like life is worth it.

[Hidden]

Well, it sounds like you have had some cra**y days lately, don't know whether it is because you have not been home, but don't know if you'll feel better when you do go home. So how are cats you have been caring for? The plants, are they surviving? Being depressed is no picnic and I feel for you. Been there, done that.

But I think your guy and your family can take care of themselves, and its their right to feel badly for you. No need to feel guilty about that. That's what friends and families do....they most likely will not do it to the point that they can't handle it.

If you take meds, be certain you take them correctly. Have you been by yourself the entire two weeks house sitting? If so, loneliness may be hitting you in your depression. Get out and take a walk, go to a movie, drive to a shopping area and look at everything you don't need. lol

Depression comes and it goes, everyone has at some time or another. For several days it has decided to hang on you. Yes, you can learn to live a life where you can manage depression. It takes time and effort. Try some of the techniques your therapist or doctor has taught you. Put on some music YOU like and dance like a maniac. You're going to be ok.

[EchoSounding in reply to Hidden]

Yeah it's been pretty blah. The cats are good. Dogs are. Doing good too they don't get fed until later. The plants not so much. I watered them like I was told but some of them have still managed to die. I hoping it's the heat and not me.

I know of they care and probably don't react exactly like I imagine. They try their best to be there for me when I need them to be. They've come over to visit for a few hours a few days that I've been here. My mom helps me out and is supposed to be coming over to help me clean some and just kind of hang out.

I don't take medication or anything. I've tried some essential oils and things. I like the music idea. Might help me get some of the cleaning put of the way before she gets here

Thanks for messaging me.

[Hidden in reply to EchoSounding]

You're welcome.

[ElJared91]

Hey Echo,

Sorry to hear that you've had a bad run of things these past few days. Although you're feeling at your worst now, just remember that everything was great just a few days ago... and everything might be great again tomorrow!!

In regards to telling your family and friends, I've had similar issues myself that I'm still trying to work through. But struggling with anxiety and depression all by yourself is an onerous task. Until you talk to them, however, you'll really never know how they are going to feel... it's even possible that they are also struggling with depression and/or anxiety themselves! They are your family (and your guy) and they should love you no matter what, even if they don't fully understand what is going on with you right now. They would want to know if you are feeling bad and would want to know what they could do to make you feel better. I know my wife did when I finally decided to tell her!

Best of luck and hope you feel better soon! I always find that taking a nice walk in the sun helps when I'm feeling blue, so maybe try and do that if you can!

[EchoSounding in reply to ElJared91]

Hello Jared,

Thank you for replying. They know I struggle with it I just try to keep it to myself mostly because I feel like I'm being bothersome with it. They are all very understanding. So really I guess I just kinda project those feelings on to them? I don't know.

Walking might be nice

[ElJared91 in reply to EchoSounding]

Of course!! As PTSDforyears said, you have no reason to feel guilty about telling anything to the ones you love and those that love you. Who knows, maybe when you're feeling great again and they have a similar problem, just the fact that you talked to them now about your issues will give them the strength to reach of to you then for help and understanding!

The most important thing, though, is to stay in the present and try to figure out what's going on in your life that might be making you feel so bad. One HUGE issue that you might look into is figuring out if the sleep that you are getting at night is "quality"... poor sleep can lead to an increase of anxiety and depression. It's good that you've been looking into trying out different essential oils, but what about vitamins or supplements? If you do a quick search online, you can find an abundance of information about which ones might be helpful.

Hope you can get out for that walk!!

[EchoSounding in reply to ElJared91]

Thank you! I will check into that. I am home now and not much change but it hasn't been a full day yet. Hopefully things will start looking better soon. Here I can go for a walk so I might do that some time today when it cools off a little outside

[Windy101]

I think the guilt is just another symptom of the depression. It lies to you and tells you that you're a burden, worthless, unloveable and incapable of accomplishing anything good. All of us here who get depression have the same thoughts about ourselves. It's a chemical thing going on in your brain and not your fault that you're feeling this way. Being alone can make things worse, so seeing and reaching out to other people is good. Also, I know meds aren't for everyone, but if you continue feeling bad, you might want to find a doc and ask about antidpressants. They may not make depression go away completely, but they can be a great tool in managing it. Not for everyone, though, so you have to do what feels right for you. As for your family - in my case, I've found that some care and some do get annoyed (this is after decades, mind you). My experience has been that the people who understand the most are those who've had it themselves.

[EchoSounding in reply to Windy101]

I have found that my mom, who has experience depression, understands it more so than my brother. He tends to get irritated with me or annoyed and so I've just quit talking to him about it but he is a few years younger than me so I can't fault him. I don't really have the money for medication but someone above suggested doing research on supplements and vitamins that might help so I think I'm going to look into that. I'm finally home so hopefully this will lessen some in the coming days.

[Windy101]

I'm glad that you're home and around people more. It took me a long time to stop talking aobut depression with people who've never been depressed a day in their lives. What county are you in?

[EchoSounding in reply to Windy101]

Especially when it's a "normal" part of your life. I'm in the US.

[Windy101]

If you have no money and are in the U.S., you might qualify for Medicaid. Call human services and they'll tell you. Doctor visits and meds would be free.

[EchoSounding in reply to Windy101]

Okay I will do that. Thanks.