Remember that dog i tried to help? My "friend" posted it died

[Against_the_current]

I told her to take it to the vet... Yet i still feel guilty... Don't tell me i have to be a vet if that means losing pathients. Im even scared to be a therapist if that means losing pathients. Everyone brags about being a doctor, my grandmother is telling the whole neighborhood im a doctor, but im scared of losing pathients. And the thing is that the dog's death bothered me more than my "friend" its owner.Context : Im a psychology student with vet parents and my colleague at the psychology class asked me to ask my dad about her dog. I have experience as his assistant and i asked her the standard questions and predicted the outcome before i even told dad. Dad(i wasn't really keen on asking him cause we got issues) said the same thing i said - take the dog to a doc asap. The girl refused. I begged her. She said her parents are old-fashioned and don't want to take it to the vet. I even called her mom. These people were feeding this dog trash. And i begged them to take it to xray and blood tests because something is wrong with the dog. They said it will get better. Now i opened social media and saw "rip to my dog, we loved it so much". No, you didn't. You didn't. If you did, it would be alive now. If you did, you would take it to the doctor. If you did, you wouldn't feed it trash and bones. And she's just on her posts and stories getting likes and writing "love you". No, you don't. And i would agree it was just the mother that didn't agree to take it to the vet(that i talked with on the phone, trying to convince her) and that girl posted her, her mom and the dog. And getting everyone's likes while im scared to show myself because i lost a patient. This is the same girl that didn't want me to come to her New year's party and i had to go home, watch mom drink and watch mom verbally abuse me and shame me for my anxiety and my meds. My "friend" also shamed me for my depression, anxiety and ptsd saying she doesn't want me and my "annoying negativity" to a party. Psst. Btw my therapist who has also consulted her said she just felt threatened by me stealing the spotlight but idk.

The aim of this is... Ah i can't be a vet... Owners are so stupid. Back to trying to get a job in my field. I really want to move out. I should give my rent tommorow and I'm wondering whether to tell my landlord im planning to leave because the contract says i should warn him one month before i leave but idk if i can find a place. Meanwhile working on my internship while in a depressive episode and fatigued as hell. Food tastes like paper and also i don't want to prepare it. I just work on the laptop and munch sweets feeling bad but they're the only thing that doesn't taste like recycled paper and don't need preparing where i risk breaking something in a kitchen that isn't mine. Owning a kitchen, my depressive episodes and "oh you're sick again, you're always sick" make me want to move out, but the situation here is terrible and im already overwhelmed and fatigued and busy with graduating, internship, choosing a carreer path and a major's. I want a career. I want to be independent. I want to be proud of myself. Staying home alone all day triggered my depressive episode. I know i have a higher purpose. I feel proud when i do university work. Im not the trophy type. I was dying and i didn't give up on my degree. I want to be useful. Thanks for reading

[SoporRose]

I *do* remember bout that dog and I am so sorry for what it endured and for the pain its death caused you. Your friend should have listened, especially after asking your advice and badgering you into contacting your father. You're right: it's not love when people don't care for their pets. And of course your folks treat you like that dog and have refused to help you get the care you need.

"Btw my therapist who has also consulted her said she just felt threatened by me stealing the spotlight but idk." I thought this was an interesting observation by your therapist, but I hope she was breaching confidentiality by sharing this with you. But I expect she's right. Your "friend" probably didn't/doesn't want you to let people you know she ignored your advice, advice that could have save her dog.

"I should give my rent tommorow and I'm wondering whether to tell my landlord im planning to leave because the contract says i should warn him one month before i leave but idk if i can find a place." I don't think you should add the stress of having to look for another place right now. If you can afford to stay the extra month and give yourself time to find a place you like and can afford, do that. Also, you don't want to have move all in one day the way you did last time.

"I know i have a higher purpose. I feel proud when i do university work. " Damn straight. You should be SO proud of yourself. You're smart and funny and creative and you have kept your grades sky hight despite your health issues and I'm proud of you for all you have accomplished AND for holding on to the awareness that you have value. Weird how we can feel both that we are completely broken and useless while knowing we are worthwhile and have potential at the same time.

"choosing a carreer path and a major's. I want a career. I want to be independent. I want to be proud of myself." I might have asked you this before, but I'm wondering if you have thought about getting a career in computer games? You've mentioned that you spend a fair bit of time playing them and making friends through them. You might need to get a second bachelors degree, but you wouldn't have to fill most of the pre-requisites since you already will have graduated. And you might not need to learn coding; you could focus on story-lines, art work-ups, and the psychology in creating characters. You might even be able to get an Associate's degree, which would take you very little time at all. A lot of the classes are on-line, too.

Here's some information I found:

degrees.snhu.edu/programs/b...

hello.fullsail.edu/game_10a...

udemy.com/courses/developme...

udemy.com/courses/developme...

I think you would be brilliant at creating games. Also, if any of your "patients" die in a game, you can resuurect them. I think when you feel better, you will find you have many, many choices about what to do with your life.

[Against_the_current in reply to SoporRose]

Thank you

[SoporRose in reply to Against_the_current]

I think you have a lot of talents on which you can draw when you are ready.

[Against_the_current in reply to SoporRose]

Yeah, it's sad that i can't do them in my state

[SoporRose in reply to Against_the_current]

Exactly. Mental illness costs not only us personally, but also society by preventing us from being productive and contributing by working or supporting others (for example, by being decent parents). You'd think that governments would understand it would help everyone by providing health care.

[Against_the_current in reply to SoporRose]

The government should but doesn't give a damn. And we take it down. Then elect a new one. Then take down the new one too. Then again. I think i have been living in anarchy since covid

[SoporRose in reply to Against_the_current]

I feel the same way.

[Against_the_current in reply to SoporRose]

Im sorry

[Linato]

I understand how you feel exactly, i have a weak point for animals and sometimes I feel like i'm the only one worrying about them . i find myself just wondring about the street cats and dogs.Like: Are they thirsty ? Are they hungry? How are they feeling?

I try to do my best to feed them but sometimes my anxiety beats me and i will feel bad about that .

When i think about owning a pet i like the idea but i'm very scared when the day for them to leave comes.

As for studying , oh i have a story about that and i'm trying to find my way in life in genral like finding a purpose especially when dealing with mental health it makes you forget who you are as a person and what you are doing in this life.

I hope you will find your way, and if things get tough try to find something to make them easy.

Try not to get to the point where you are burnt out if you can.

Work on yourself until you will be independent and happy with a purpose to live this life .

What matters is you.

[Against_the_current in reply to Linato]

Thanks. Same, i want a pet but am afraid i might not take proper care of it or even if i do they live shorter. I am just so consumed by my illness. I think it's too late. Im burnt out. Im traumatized and erased as a person. It's 6am and i struggled till now to write half of my assignment. I can't even reply properly