Should i stay here or even injured try to go to my accommodation or to my bf's

[Against_the_current]

Mom went nuts. I'm really terrified. I said im going to bed too because i had a panic attack (so im just scared, i want to go in bed with them so they don't think i sleep all day while they work) and mom went crazy. She started yelling "don't i have panic attacks (what does this have to do with you? Also you don't, you're bipolar, mom). You just stay at home all day and i go to work, take care of you two alone, work dangerous job, serve you in bed. I'm having high blood pressure. I will die of it. Why do you think i don't drive - because im scared im gonna get a heart attack and cause a car crash. You will see when i die in three days. Only you have panic attacks. Others are mushrooms, don't have nervous system "

[SoporRose]

I'm sorry you were so frightened. I hope you can find a decent, safe place to live soon.

[Against_the_current in reply to SoporRose]

Thank you. It's hard in this fear to find a place.Grandma was here and leaving she said "respect your mother" and i felt worse

[SoporRose in reply to Against_the_current]

That is really rough. I'll bet there are some things for which you respect your mom, but it can be hard to remember when everyone is so upset. How is. your grandmother doing?

I struggle with fear and being frozen, too. It's no fun. Others wiser than I will probably have some good advice. All I know to say is that I care about you andn continue to believe in you.

[Against_the_current in reply to SoporRose]

Thank you

[SoporRose in reply to Against_the_current]

AtC,

Will you give us an update? I’ve been wondering how you’re doing. I think your doctor said you can use your knee more, right? Are you able to resume classes?

[Against_the_current in reply to SoporRose]

I went to one class, it felt like redemption but then again classes are online, I'm crying all night and i overslept the online class but even if i didn't it's not the same. I'm briken

[booksandblankets]

I don't have advice or answers, but I think the best option is to listen to your own body. If you're not calm enough to drive/travel, then maybe home is best, even if it sucks.

"You will see when I die in three days" worries me a bit. Are you safe? Do you need to seek more help? Do you have a safety plan in place or people you can talk to?

[Against_the_current in reply to booksandblankets]

I'm not safe, i don't have anyone besides the boyfriend in the other city, i need help

[booksandblankets in reply to Against_the_current]

I don't know what emergency resources you have in your town, but I encourage you to find a phone number for a crisis line, or call your country's emergency number so that you can get immediate assistance when necessary. The hospital sucks, but death probably sucks worse. I believe in you

[Against_the_current in reply to booksandblankets]

I can't find any emergency. Believe me i rang every line in these four years

[SoporRose in reply to booksandblankets]

I think the comment about dying was made by AtC's mom to AtC. Is that right?

[Against_the_current in reply to SoporRose]

Yes

[Heloise]

What terrible circumstances for you when you should be looking at a future where wonderful adventures should be waiting. Is the cause of this torment your mother's mental condition or are their other factors? The problems in this world have divided us, each with our own turmoil so it's difficult to find support, another blow to cope with. Is there any way to try supplements like Passion Flower, L theanine or Gaba. Often times the toxic load can affect mood and so possibly binders like charcoal might reduce those. Stay strong, change will come.

[Against_the_current in reply to Heloise]

Thank you. I'm afraid of the future. I'm broken by my mom's mental issues, my dad leaving and having another baby, sis growing up, seeking support from ppl who used me and broke me, my physical illnesses. I like food supplements, need to see which ones here contain these ingredients

[Heloise]

Has that crisis past for now? It would be good to have a plan for next time. Are you seriously worried for your safety, serious enough to report this? If so, can you speak to your mother's doctor if she has one and express your fears. If you are serious tell the office this is urgent if it really is. How is the medical system in Bulgaria? Do they use natural products? In the U.S. it would probably be called blasphemy. Gaba is something your body produces naturally if it can. There are so many factors involved and sometimes due to an imbalance of neurotransmitters which are made in the gut. If there are imbalances or some pathogens there as well it gets complicated.

You do have youth on your side and have the potential to heal but you can't live dishonestly and use a young man for your therapy. Aren't you doing to him what others have done to you?

[Against_the_current in reply to Heloise]

Probably i am but im just broken. My youth is wasted. Mom doesn't let me speak about her problem. If only i mention it again, she will ban me from my medication. She doesn't have a psychiatrist (even though she needs a good one) and our GP is not capable and doesn't really care and will tell mom i spoke about it and kill me. I like supplement but not sure which ones to take. Also when i stop using them, they stop working. I researched gaba and i definitely need to buy some

[Heloise in reply to Against_the_current]

Your problems are like anchors around your neck. Try to stay away from all the losses if you can. Dwelling on them reduces your strength. You're still attempting to find answers so concentrate on solutions. Yes, if your body won't make Gaba you will continue to need it. The cause is in your microbiome, the gut flora that helps make it is somehow interfering. Hard to nail that down as it could be a pathogen or an imbalance. You could try to change that. Does your mother prepare all your food? Would it be too difficult to make simple foods on your own. What root vegetables do you like? You can make your own potato chips, carrot chips, sweet potato chips, etc. Eat something different if you've been eating lots of carbs. Your brain needs good oils, not seed oils or canola which block your mitochondria. Avocado, coconut oil and olive oil can be used instead and help your brain. You have to believe you can make some improvements if you set your mind to do it. You still have plenty of youth to work with. Lots of enzymes, growth hormone, stem cells are still there for you which are enormous potentials. You just need to free them up. Your mother in forties or fifties doesn't have this advantage as we start producing less of all those as we age.

Some people have found Emotional Freedom Technique helpful. Look that up and see if it might work for you. Positive self talk.

[Against_the_current in reply to Heloise]

Woah, you know so much. I suffer from IBS and gastritis since i was born. And yes my problems are like anchors around my neck. Can't keep my head above water. And here come more and more anchors and the worst part is that im drowning for years but am not dying

[Heloise in reply to Against_the_current]

Well, you were definitely off to a bad start and that is so unfair. A wonderful doctor I followed twenty years ago told women to prepare themselves for two years before becoming pregnant so the baby could be healthy. It is so vital in this toxic world which is so much worse now with the tons of chemicals now in use than even twenty years ago. I feel so sorry for your generation but even your mother's generation has paid a big price for what .......I guess they call, progress. Personally I question anything that is processed now. We've had so many recalls on food this past month in the U.S. it's difficult to know what you can eat. Listeria seems to be the bacteria of choice. Your poor system is tangling with something. Glyphosate is another biggy which is on so many crops. It acts like an antibiotic, opens junctures in your stomach lining and is hazardous to your mitochondria from my reading. In France, the Netherlands and Belgium, glyphosate is banned for good reason. Italy used to be safer but only restricts it for some uses I guess. This is not a conspiracy theory and like so many other practices, they are in the open and they can get away with it. It's a sorry state.

Hang on and stay above the waterline. You are not alone.