I don't know what to do

Hi! I don't even know if someone is going to read this but I just need to talk.

When I was 16 I had a group of friends, we were 3 girls and we were best friends! One day a new girl came to school and she was always alone so we invited her to be with us, to be our friend.

This girl looked like a nice person but she was trying to make us stop being friends, she started making up stories about each others...she once trash talk me to one of my best friends, but she never believed her, none of us did and we stop being with her, but that was enough to make me go into depression, people never trash talk me...actually never notice me so they never talk about me, it doenst matter if it's good or bad.

That girl never try to reach to me and make things better, but she always tried with my friends. I never understood that but it's fine.

Now 4 years later that girl and her new best friend make an instagram live and trash talk me and I don't even talk to them anymore, I didn't do anything to anyone...I dont understand why they are doing this.

I know that this sounds stupid that I still care about these things, specially when it comes to that girl, but why keep doing this, why can't she move on and let me live my life.

I'm so tired of her and the trash talking.

[shodan95]

I'm not sure how old you are, but I'm assuming you're young and likely still in school. My advice to anyone who is dealing with haters is to just get really good at a skill that you love. Invest your free time into something that is going to make the rest of your life easier and more full. In 10 or so years, when you have the career of your dreams and you're killing it in life, she'll be stalking your social media during her shift at Best Buy wishing she had your life. Wasting your time worrying about what some girl is saying about you on social media isn't going to pay your college tuition or get you a good career in a few years. Those are the things that matter in life. You have to start shifting your thinking towards whats going to matter to you later on in life because none of these people are going to matter when you are out of school. Literally, most people drop off the face of the earth after graduation and you start over. In the mean time, just let her run her mouth and ignore her and anyone who believes the trash shes talking. I know its easier said than done, but she sounds like a hurtful person who can't be reasoned with. Don't waste your energy on foolishness. Grind while you're young. Look up Gary V on Youtube. You'll feel better.

[Hidden in reply to shodan95]

Thank you so much!! I do like to believe that what you're saying will come true, but sometimes (most of time actually) I feel like that wont happen, that I'm going to be the one who is going to fail in her career...

But you're right, I'm young, I'm 20 years old and in college, I should worry more about college than what that girl is saying but sometimes is heard because I don't know what I did to her...

Again, thank you for helping me!

[Ryan990]

Sounds like she’s more hung up than you are . F..k her , she sounds like a demonic prick . She’s obviously still cut up about being dropped from the circle for being a moron . She’s sounds like one of those weird ex’s that can’t move on after after years of separation

[Hidden in reply to Ryan990]

Thanks! Yeah I think she hasn't move on but I have.

She definitely looks like that type of ex and I just want her to leave me alone.

Again, thanks for helping me!

[Ubud2021]

Pffft, sounds like a bunch of drama stirring b!t€es.

Look at how bored they must be. Nothing else to do on a Friday night, but go live on Instagram and talk crap about a girl she knew 4 years ago. Haha! Honestly, I would comment and laugh! And say they must be very bored with no hobbies! Because-the proof is in the pudding, sweetheart!

Usually when this happens, it stems from jealousy of some sort. Or maybe you were the nice one out of the group, and she is mistaken your kindness for weakness. Go ahead and be very direct with her. And tell her what a joke her life is (:

[Hidden in reply to Ubud2021]

Thanks!

I do think that they believe I'm weak because I'm the shy and always quite, so I know why they see me as an easir target.

I just don't get it why still doing this, why can't she let it go, live her life and let me live mine.

I thought about texting her but that just shows that I care about what she says and things of me, right? Maybe it's better to just ignore her, so she'll know I don't care about her, right?

Again, thanks for helping me!

[Ryan990 in reply to Ubud2021]

Well said 🙏

[Hidden]

You’ll never be ridiculed by someone doing more than you. If it weren’t you, it’d be someone else she’d talk bad about. It has nothing to do with you but everything to do with her. Trust me, just keep doing your thing and don’t allow people’s opinions of you to cause you to move one way or the other. This is a good life lesson for you.

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

Thank you somuch!

I think about that and I don't understand how can someone have so much hatred in her heart.

I always try my best to not listen to a word she is saying but it hurts because she just does it with me and I never did anything to her.

Again, thanks for helping me!

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

Reach out and ask her and it might stop. But it most likely won’t. Best thing is to love on

[Blackdog1]

Hi Anita,

She really sounds like a bully.

I have four older sisters and they were all "tough" and would always be full of threats to each other and me.

Their behavior really hung over my childhood like a dark cloud because I was smaller and a shy and insecure kid.

My advice? Like everyone has said, this is her deal. Her issues. Don't absorb any of it.

However, she may appear later in life, with a different head. This is a good opportunity to prepare a little and learn about being assertive and protect yourself.

That last sentence is in no way a criticism of your quiet nature. (If indeed that is who you are) I only speak of my own experience and what has worked for me.

[Hidden in reply to Blackdog1]

Thanks!

I'm sorry to hear what happened to you.

You're right, I do need to learn to protect myself.

Again, thanks for helping me!

[Blackdog1 in reply to Hidden]

You're welcome!

Take care.

[Hidden]

Thank you so much!

[Iammesues]

Really? They sound obsessed with you. If people want to spend their one life talking about you, then they must think you are so cool and can’t handle their own jealousy. Aren’t you at all entertained by the fact that they spend so much time on you?

[Hidden]

It does look like they are obsesse with me...

No, I'm not entertained at all, I just wish that they forget I even existe, I just want them to leave me alone...

Thanks for your words!!

[Iammesues in reply to Hidden]

They won’t leave you alone until they see you don’t care. When they see no response they will fade off. Put out the message that’s it’s flattering they spend their time on. Will freak them out

[Hidden in reply to Iammesues]

Yeah I thought that maybe the silent treatment was the best thing to do with this girl

[Downandout123]

I am not on any type of social media. Can't you just block them so that you won't be able to see what they write?

[Hidden in reply to Downandout123]

Yeah I already thought about doing that!

Thanks!

[Downandout123 in reply to Hidden]

You're welcome. 😊

[scarr6]

This is cyber bullying. If it keeps going on, you can certainly check with the laws in your state and report it to the authorities. It's wrong. It's illegal. And you shouldn't have to put up with it. If it keeps up, hand it over to the people who are concerned with keeping you safe and definitely follow the advice of others on this thread to focus with the great things going on in your life.

[Hidden in reply to scarr6]

Thank you so much!

[Hidden]

Thank you so much!

That is really kind of you!

[mvillarreal]

This is a tough one because we are human beings and naturally care what other people think about us (whether we want to admit that or not!). This makes it hard because we want to be loved, and when someone else does not interact with us from a place of love, it hurts us. From an evolutionary perspective, someone not liking us could have meant life or death for our ancestors, and so, to protect us, we developed traits that made it feel like our status with others is a matter of life or death. It's okay to be upset about this, but if the emotions become overwhelming, it may be good to seek counseling. Also, if the gossip continues, it may be wise to confront the behavior. If she still continues to do this after the confrontation, you may even want to remind her that publicly tarnishing someone's character is defamation (you may or may not actually want to file a lawsuit. It just might be enough to put a little fear into her). Another thing to keep in mind is that her mistreatment and dislike of you reflects her and only her; it has nothing to do with your own worthiness or character. That doesn't take away the pain, but it can ease it because at least you know that you don't have to be responsible for her lack of maturity. Be strong; this is a temporary situation and won't last forever!

[Hidden in reply to mvillarreal]

Thank you so much!

[Survivor4Ever]

So sorry to hear. First of some people just suck! Never let anyone make you feel bad. Do you want me to tell you why she trash talks you? There’s only 1 reason

[Hidden in reply to Survivor4Ever]

Thanks!

Please tell me because honestly I don't get it

[Survivor4Ever in reply to Hidden]

Well she is extremely insecure, jealous of you, wants to be you, she has what we call the imposter syndrome. What it boils down to she will never admit this but when people trash talk or hate you, don’t like another, bully, etc a person it’s because they see some trait in that person they admire and wish they could have and wish they had and want. However, they will never admit it. If I were you I would I would just let it go and this till shall pass. And feel good about who you are..your personality, body, kindness, smile, that you don’t look nobody else . That you are who you are and would not change it for the world. See she doesn’t she would change it if she could but she can’t it’s easier for her to trash talk than to just accept herself. So deep inside she despises herself and doesn’t accept who she is. So you should be proud who you are. And don’t worry about her at least your not her, right. Remind yourself. It could always be worse you could be homeless or something, things like that of have a heart condition than she wouldn’t even matter. So she has the imposter syndrome. Hope any of this helps of makes sense to you .

[Hidden in reply to Survivor4Ever]

Thank you so so much, really, thank you for your words!! It did help!!

[Survivor4Ever in reply to Hidden]

I hope so! I hope I answered your question

[Survivor4Ever in reply to Hidden]

I try to remind myself in situations “it could always be worse” and it helps me . I think of worst case scenarios and then for some reason this girl would seem the last thing on my mind and her opinion of me I could careless. It’s like what are we in middle school? Ha! Grow up 😁. I’d think of her immaturity ,insecurity Don’t give your power to her anymore. Stay Confident and be you!

[Survivor4Ever in reply to Hidden]

You need to accept and love yourself, and have a high self esteem. Be confident in who you are. Her trash talking should prove you are a beautiful person both inside and out to me! I’ll give you another tip when someone says ANYTHING to another person whether it’s good or bad it’s a reflection of themselves

[Hidden in reply to Survivor4Ever]

Really thanks for everything!!

[Fallen_angel94]

Hey Anita, I am sorry you have to go through this. Well I've heard this many times from people ,but usually when someone does this kind of thing it's because their unhappy personally with themselves. This person also sounds quite childish if you ask me. She obviously needs to get a damn life too. She must have nothing better to do with her time. I can understand how you feel about how it's affecting you. Anxiety has this hold over us, and therefore unlike people who don't suffer with it and would probably just laugh off what this person is doing to you, it is not easy for us, the anxiety sufferer. Right now my best advise is to just stay strong, stay away from instagram if you can. Show her you really don't give a f@!k what she's on about, as you've got better things to do with your time. And know you are also not stupid to be feeling the way you do.

Hope this is of some help.

[Hidden in reply to Fallen_angel94]

It does help!! Thank you so much!!