Work or internship? Im crying because im broke and depressed and i just can't cook or eat what mom's cooked because my taste is altered

[No_Longer_Human]

I don't even know if im capable to work but i have to choose whether to start a job or the internship. Mom took all my money. But the internship would give me experience in my field and being with a psychologist. But this psychologist is stealing my salary. If only she wasn't, it would be easy and i wouldn't be going crazy trying to decide. Giving up on my dreams to be a psychologist and having an income or going through hell with money for the next 9 months and not even knowing if i will be able to find a job in my field. I need to be unemployed and up to 29 to get a schoolarship. I hate myself that i don't want to eat what mom cooked but from depression my taste is altered and i force myself. I ate half of it but i can't force myself to do it again all week. I needed her to let me keep the money not food and i hate myself for it but i need to buy water as well. Also she said "use ur savings". And i said "but they'll melt" and she went crazy. I feel so bad for being ecammed by those psychics

[Alpakka123]

Internships are not paid positions, so she wouldn't be stealing your salary. When it comes down to it, you are the one who decides what you do.

Good luck with the decision!

[No_Longer_Human in reply to Alpakka123]

Thanks. But the government litterary pays her to pay me and she won't

[Cat_cat44 in reply to No_Longer_Human]

Hi No_Longer_Human,

I'm so sorry you're going through this. Here you have our support. I especially connected to you because I too am in school online to become a mental health advocate, meanwhile going through hell in my personal life, go figure. I want to give advice to you but I'm confused; when you say that the government pays your Mom, do you mean she's your caregiver or your her beneficiary? I would advise to go to work to make your own money and once you're financially stable, you can intern. I sort of have a similar issue. I'm SUPER unstable financially, mentally, and not able to have my own place. But for the thousandth time, I will start a new job in a few weeks. Hopefully I can stay there and somehow at least start a plan towards stability.

[No_Longer_Human in reply to Cat_cat44]

Hope you're doing okay. Ah i must have gotten lost in the translation in my head, the government is not helping my mother

[Alpakka123 in reply to No_Longer_Human]

I'm confused. She won't what? She won't pay you? She wouldn't pay you because it's an internship. You'd have to get a job if you want to get paid.

[No_Longer_Human in reply to Alpakka123]

This internship is funded by the government with EU money. They have given her money to pay me, she just doesn't want to do it

[Alpakka123 in reply to No_Longer_Human]

Oh, ok. I thought all internships were unpaid positions, so this is interesting to hear about. How do you know she won't pay you? Has she told you this?

A job is a a sure way of getting money.

I wanted to address a comment you made to jjpeabody. You say that your health is bad. People have jobs even with bad health. People have jobs even though they have lots of issues. I think that a job would actually help you with your bad health. It'd get you out of the house, it'd get you around others, and it'd help you feel useful and like you have a purpose.

[No_Longer_Human in reply to Alpakka123]

Thank y. Yes, the program is funded by the government and all internships in it are paid but this lady said she won't pay me. She was clear about it - she won't pay me. My issue is really deeep. Im always nauseous and fatigued and im scared if i can leave the house, travel, be on time, puke at work. Today i couldn't leave the bed. My tummy hurted so bad and my depression was so bad. I got flashbacks of my ex and i realised he cheated. The clues were there. I agree i need social contact. Im going insane all day alone. Im just scared, agoraphobic and mom always says work is terrible since i was a kid

[jjpeabody]

Dear NoLongerHuman, start a JOB! you have to make a decision and TAKE ACTION. If you successfully completed years of college you can work. Make a COMMITMENT, then FOCUS on your new goal, don't go back and forth in your mind if what you are doing is right, commit then unwavering focus on it. Replace complaining with action. Journal your goals and actions and move forward on you commitment. You are a good writer so you must do this. Thus, you will be replacing (over writing) negative habits and thoughts with new and positive ones. Good luck, NoLongerHuman

[No_Longer_Human in reply to jjpeabody]

Thank you. I applied for writing jobs but got dissmissed. Im not a native English speaker yet i can write good lke that in two languages. I also applied for languages teacher but no even an email they didn't accept me. I can't find a job with my degree. What's left is working like I don't have education. Just my health is bad

[jjpeabody]

I'm glad you've recognized your writing talent. The key thing now is to make decisions and keep moving forward on them (the decision doesn't have to be the perfect one or even the right one, but you'll figure that out as you move forward and keep learning and adapting, it's called growing and maturing). Having two powerful languages is a great headstart and asset. Keep applying for all types of writing jobs and others. Applying for jobs is your job for now. Good luck, NoLongerHuman

[No_Longer_Human in reply to jjpeabody]

Thank you