Gay Ex-Husband Has Me Depressed - Anxiety and Depre...

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Gay Ex-Husband Has Me Depressed


I was married to my best friend. I didn't know he was gay but suspected he was and even asked him if he was and he looked me square in the eye and told me no. I found out a few months after we were married by going into his Facebook page and looking through his texts (I couldn't rest about it!) We ended up divorcing after trying to make it work, but there were so many other things besides his sexual preferences that caused our demise. My mom ran into his mom over the weekend and made a mockery of the whole situation by sending me a selfie of her and the mom. The mom asked her to take the pic but I seriously didn't want to see that woman because she and I had a horrible disagreement before her son returned with my things in trash bags at my parents' house. To make it worse, my mom showed me a picture of him and his new girl and he looks amazing and so does the girl. I immediately got jealous and angry at my mom for showing me the picture. I told her not to talk about him or show me anything else about him anymore. Today, I am depressed as hell thinking about my present state and how he's living it up with some new girl while I'm stuck with my mom (moving in a few weeks, I know) but more depressingly, single. I know I should be happier about singleness or at least find ways to be happy about it, but there are external factors such as how men pretty much disregard me and some have even called me ugly, just makes the matter worse. I'm really struggling right now. I really do feel hatred in my heart toward my ex. He put me through all kinds of crap with all the lies and it ruined my life. His living in another country and everything! It just shed a huge bright light on my life and how much I've been through because of him.

15 Replies

If he is gay, then the new girl is in for a rude awakening! Maybe you are better off, you never know what's waiting for you. I wish you all the best! XXX

kmaedny87 in reply to Hidden

I thought the same thing thanks!

Hidden in reply to kmaedny87

I'm here for you! Hang in there, okay? Sending you peace! XXX

hypercat54 in reply to Hidden

I was just thinking that! x

Of course your angry, you were lied to outright, and on top of it, not getting the kind of support from your mom you need. Good thing is you told your mother up front what you wanted and didn't want. The other thing's another women in the same boat you 'were'. That is a saving grace, your no longer in 'her' shoes. Honesty in a relationship is paramount for me, as I have my trust issues. Sure your lonely, you lost your best friend, and he also lied to you which makes it worse. I would recommend what I did for myself when I broke up from a 15yr marriage some years back, I went to grief and loss counselling and group therapy, along with learning to let go. I did it at centers that let you pay what you can. It helps to express all this anger and sadness, and loss. You also need to not internalize feeling your ugly, or worthless or un-lovable. You are loveable, and perfect the way you are. Shame on your ex-, being gay is not the issue if he was up front about it, it's leading you on that you had a heterosexual relationship with him. It was not agreed to before the marriage that this was okay, and that's a betrayal of trust, it's terribly painful and I'm sorry your going through this. But do get some professionally guided help to move passed some of this stuff your feeling, as I knew my trust issues would not allow me to ever want to get into another relationship if I didn't. It helped a lot, and I did get better.

kmaedny87 in reply to fauxartist

Thanks very much I guess I haven't gotten any help about it because we weren't married very long. Only 11 months. Didn't even make it to a year. But I should still talk to someone thanks!

how long were you friends before the marriage?, I feel the length of time you were married does not diminish in anyway your hurt feelings. It still feels horrible to think you know someone so well to then be betrayed by them, and the pain takes a while to start dulling down. You will go through all kinds of fazes with's like the 5 stages of grief and loss stuff.

kmaedny87 in reply to fauxartist

We were friends since high school and went to the same church. So about 10 years.

Try not to internalise men calling you 'ugly'. In my experience some types of men will do this if they are not getting what they want from you. Tell them they are no oil painting either! x

kmaedny87 in reply to hypercat54

Ha!! Lol 😂😂😂😂

His sexuality shouldnt matter but his dishonesty is unforgivable if what you say is true then no wonder your angry ! Try to move on if you are ready and say good bye to old old rubbish just dont let these events prevent you being truelly happy again try to leave these events were they should be in your past ! God bless you and all the best for the future ! David

You have every right to be angry. However you’re better off without him.


I would say you had a lucky escape, if he is gay, he will always be gay, be with someone who loves you for who you are, not someone who wants a girlfriend to disguise that he is gay

Hi, I think this guy is a Selfish Self-Serving <<Bleep Bleep>> and I would know I'm Gay and was in his shoes. I knew damn well it wasn't right to enter into a Marriage with some one of the opposite sex it would be wrong just to gratify everyone else (my large Mexican Catholic family included).

There is the possibility that he likes both and wanted his cake and eat it to. He would still be the <<Bleep Bleep>> since he shared nothing of his feeling with you about that side of him. Also the bond you formed for him is also still lingering since love doesn't just vanish when someone you care about does you wrong. Now right now, you got to care about you and try to move on cause what he chooses to do however distasteful, vile, evil, it must not get weaved into your soul. You have a good heart by the sounds of it. He clearly didn't care enough to even fess up to his mistakes since he's going on with someone else all over again. He is just plain screwed up. Moving on will be hard going through that myself and you've come to the right place to look forward and not back. Love is out there for you with someone that will honor you far far better with the love you deserve. If you need moral support come here and you'll get lots of volunteers to help you move forward positively. You can count me as one of them. I've suffered so much heart break, but I can lend you some of my strength to get you looking toward the light. You're not alone.

As for you Mom's action, don't know what she was thinking doing that. You need to talk to her about that. Just let her know he's gone and you don't want to be reminded of him ever again.

I'm here routing for you. I'm on my laptop or I'd put smiley faces and hearts on here for you.

P.S. Oops seeing now this is an old post. I hope you are thriving nonetheless.

Well now she's the "lucky one!" Something similar happened to me and one family member continued to show me pics of them from facebook and talk about them. They state that they are not real friends, but have friends in common so it would be rude to unfriend them. I finally explained that this person caused me real pain, and bringing them up is painful, and asked them not to mention them to me again, as I am trying to distance myself. They finally got it. maybe that would help?

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