I feel so odd. (Im fighting hard to socialise and get a job but it's not "just do it")

[No_Longer_Human]

Okay so i applied for this job. It turned out to be a government program for young people with university degree and without experience. The lady wanted to pay me nothing. She's draining me. I almost broke my phone because she was calling non stop. After a lot of negotiations, i got 500 lv (250$) and it turned out that the salary was 1380lv. She would basically take 2/3 of my salary even after the negotiations. I started going to the Youth centre and trying to get help there or just do activities and socialise. I bursted out crying while there because i was so stressed about finding a job. The psychologist there told me to go seek their career consultant on the next day, mom told me to seek a neighbour working at the ministry of labour. I seeked them both in the rain all day, then they said nothing about being robbed and participating in a government fraud, but it was a problem that I didn't sign last month for God knows what. Signing for what? They didn't care i was being scammed, they just sent me to my doctor to get a sicknote. I ran in the rain to get it but doc declined. I went back to the youth centre as i promised, waited for the consultant and she just said i need to sign. She didn't answer my question about the fraud, she didn't answer my question whether i can work in a shop for a couple months and still qualify for the program as i haven't worked as a psychologist. And when i thought it's over, the boss started mass calling me saying she could manipulate the labour ministry into forgiving me for missing to sign... This aside the career consultant was just two years older than me and even absolutely inadequate in her job, she has a job and a husband. Two years. I started crying and told her i need a job because mom drinks and dad left us and im depressed and she said "i also have hard time with my baby". First of all YOU choose to have a baby, i didn't choose my parents. Second you have a baby, im a virgin and ghosted and basically same age. Third this is not a competition. Like my mom - i say im struggling, she says she's struggling more. I messed the psychologist and he just said he can't text. I couldn't talk because i just got home, all cold and mad, the boss blowing my phone and was taking a shower and mom rang the bell and called me like crazy. Turned out dad came without even warning and she came without warning. I was upset and i hated her seeing me upset. The boss rang and i yeeted my phone and screamed. Mom said "we can't buy you a new phone". Fvckkkkkk poverty. I said "if only you came ten minutes later, now you're gonna say im burdening you". And i had bought food and was getting ready to rest and she arrived. She ruined my rest and would have thought i have money. She always arrives when i shop but when i ate air fir two days, she was gone. And i said "you always come after i have shopped" and she said "I won't eat of your food". She must think im an a$$hole. So i was going to rest but as mom was home, I didn't want to watch her drink or to talk with me so i went to the youth centre. Today there was pottery. I met a guy and he talked about how he had multiple jobs, a girlfriend he's crafting this for, no father and goddamn. Another guy also didn't stop yapping about his girlfriend. Im some alien. I can't socialise, I can't have fun even at a regulated centre, i am not normal, i can't stop crying. Everyone has a relationship and a job and i have unhealable trauma and hell family. At least they have one stable parent. I don't. I tried to redeem myself - tried to get a job, to socialise, do stuff, meet people but it backflipped because im sick but nobody gives me help for it. This world isn't made for me. And yes i know someone "has it worse". *Screaming on mute so i don't wake my my mom because im scared of her more than death*

[gajh]

Good for you. You have been taking some really positive steps. Give it time to yield some positive results. Don't give up. You are doing it. You can do it!

[No_Longer_Human in reply to gajh]

I don't know what to do with the job. Espresially when mom pops up here and i can't say no because she's giving me money

[gajh in reply to No_Longer_Human]

Take the job. It is a great step forward for you. Good experience to have on your resume. This is a great opportunity. You can do it. We are all here to help you. You don't have to do it alone.

[No_Longer_Human in reply to gajh]

Thank you but i quitted

[CLB1125]

gajh is right, it’s a start in the right direction. You can’t compare yourself to other people. We are all different with different circumstances. This young boss may be just starting out too, doing the best she can. Keep going. These guys you chatted with may be talking about their gfs but you are still getting out and socializing. It’s a good start.

[No_Longer_Human in reply to CLB1125]

Thank you but i quitted

[Dogcatnomaybehopeso]

I agree w both the answers above. You are getting out. This is a start. And a job is a job.

[No_Longer_Human in reply to Dogcatnomaybehopeso]

Thank you but i quitted

[jjpeabody]

Dear NoLongerHuman, congratulations on a very impressive action on your part to find a job. Of course, I would take the job offered because it is a first step on a long journey called life. Always document on paper your understanding/notes of the job specifics, especially pay discrepancy, and ask person to sign your understanding if possible. Asking for a signature gets people's attention. Also, let's not forget your personal talents, "work ethic", and education. Perhaps that is why they're calling, they see your great potential as I do. First job, experience, socially networking are also very important non-monetary rewards. A very important lesson I learned in life is to not look to others for approval or acceptance, it's like on your knees begging them to like you, boys included. If YOU like and are proud of YOURSELF and the things you do and actions you take then you can overcome social issues and even if some guy may not be a fit for you, oh well, you are proud of who you are and move on. I am very impressed with your recent job adventure and actions. Good luck, NoLongerHuman.

[No_Longer_Human in reply to jjpeabody]

Thank you but i quitted

[boojiboo]

pls define regulated centre. -Air hug-

[No_Longer_Human in reply to boojiboo]

What is a regulated centre? X

[jackiesj]

No_Longer_Humane First. thank you for your post. Second. I dont see you unsocial at all,,,i do see others not communicating properly or acting in a manner for reception...You are very educated and eloquent in approach and persistant. ANYONE would break down going thru what you did...You are more human than others who call themselves so. I am truely sorry you have that environment. Getting a job is hope of getting beyond that and using those great talents you have. You will bless others as you do. thank you again.

[No_Longer_Human in reply to jackiesj]

Thank you. Wish my bosses saw that but they don't