Any Advice?

[Hiccup1228]

Recently I’ve been suffering from anxiety and depression. I feel completely disconnected from my 2 year old and told my husband today I didn’t want to be a mother anymore. I wanted this baby more than anything in the world, and I suffered some PPD that I left untreated. I thought maybe it had gone away on its own, but now I’m second guessing everything. Could this be lingering/new PPD/PPA? I want to love and care for my son, but I just feel sad and defeated everytime I look at him or interact with him. I’ve been getting panic attacks, which I used to never get. The depression hits after the panic attacks and lasts for weeks. It slowly and gradually gets better, but never seems to fully go away. I tried Celexa but only lasted 2 days on it before it gave me another panic attack followed by severe depression. I’m terrified to try any other medications and I’m terrified that medicines will make me emotionally numb. I just want to feel normal again.

[LilyAnnepuppy]

I understand the effects of depression and anxiety. I see a psychiatrist for medication stability. A therapist for emotional and mental stability. I have an extensive support group. I pray, meditate and try to help others. All of that helps me from going down the black hole of depression and anxiety.

Welcome to our group and keep posting. There are supportive people here

[Hidden]

Hi Hiccup

I know about the desire to feel normal again. I think that therapy and medicine can make a real difference. I'm seeing a therapist, and some days are a real struggle. I'm also on Celexa and trying to get through my first week. I'm also having trouble with my feelings towards my kids. My work is making me anxious, and I'm transferring that to my children who are just being kids.

I would say to give therapy a shot. It really helps. Know that things will get better. I wish you the best.

[Marysblue]

Try otc natural antidepressant?

[Hiccup1228 in reply to Marysblue]

I currently take an ashwagaunda (spelling?) blend supplement and it seems to help lessen the anxiety a tad, but definitely isn’t enough to counteract everything going on.

[Hb2003 in reply to Hiccup1228]

i have tried that it tastes horrible 😖

[Hiccup1228 in reply to Hb2003]

yes, it certainly does! Smells and taste like dirt to me. But it’s in capsule form, so the taste passes quickly. I haven’t been on it long so I’m hoping it’ll start to work better the longer I’m on it. The biggest thing for me is there’s no side effects and I don’t develop a dependency on it, so I can stop taking it whenever I need to!

[optimismrus]

I'm sorry your struggling. It doesn't sound like you've been able to give an antidepressant time to help. I understand your fear, but I also know that for some of us, the meds are a life saver. Hopefully, you will find one that will lift you out of your gloom. It can take weeks for your new medication to work, try to be patient and trust that you are on the road to peace of mind. If you can afford therapy, go for it. Keep a journal, vent the dark thoughts. Whether you are a believer or not, churchs are a great way to find community. Find one that feels safe, it can help. Taking any one of these actions will make you feel better. 🥰

[Hidden]

Please try to understand what your body is trying to tell you…

You are still very young but not as young as your child… who will see and feel your emotions… they will become anxious without you realising.

Depersonalisation is part of your anxiety… and a mechanism used by the brain to help you disconnect from things and people as a temporary way of reducing stress .

Once you practice meditating and relaxation the body soon begins to recover.

It may help you to see that when you are under prolonged stress … your body produces

Cortisol to help you through … but if you do not walk or rest when you can you soon deplete your reserves … which lead to increased anxiety… then depression…

Becoming a mum happens before the baby gets born … it’s this process that takes the most from your own reserves and it takes time to replace what got depleted.

There is no quick magic pill that fixes this quickly…. but increasing your energy by mood by vitamins and minerals along with certain supplements will speed up your recovery…

Walking daily reduces overall cortisol … which in turn reduces anxiety.

Magnesium glycinate, folate, B12 will help

[scansnap]

I have several suggestions. First, start psychotherapy, if you have not already done so. Second, learn about cognitive behavioral therapy. This is something you can learn and use on yourself to help you feel better. You may need to try several different antidepressant medications until you find one that is helpful. Also, you may wish to consider some of the newer forms of treatment such as TMS and ketamine. These are still in the early stages and may be unavailable or expensive, but you might want to look into them.

[Ryleyboy]

I am so sorry you’re suffering so right now. I can relate to your feeling of feeling disconnected from your son. My children are all grown up now but I remember going through postpartum depression. I had two children at the time and I put myself in the hospital for 6 weeks. I used to look at a picture of my two children and felt nothing for them. That is a symptom of the depression. It’s awful, but it goes away once the depression starts to lift. I hated experimenting with drugs too, but I had to take something or I couldn’t have functioned. My mom moved in for a while to help me out. Is there a support group you could join. I think you could really use the support of others who’ve been where you are. I went through a pretty severe depression recently and I was so impatient to get better. People who’ve never experienced it, just don’t get it. Not their fault. I wish I didn’t get it either. After two months, I did come out the other side and you will too.

[Hiccup1228 in reply to Ryleyboy]

So far, this is the closest thing to a support group I have. I just can’t sort through my thoughts and emotions to figure out what exactly is going on. Some days I feel all the love in the word for him and others I’m just empty and disconnected. And sometimes I feel everything in one day. Yesterday, I had dark, depressive thoughts all morning, then like a switch they were turned off and I was okay. I wasn’t “happy” or completely myself, but I was able to laugh and play with my son, which was a HUGE change from how I felt in the morning. Sometimes it feels more like despair than depression. I can still go to work, and actually feel better at work than I do home. It’s all so confusing to me.

[Hiccup1228 in reply to Ryleyboy]

And I’d be more open to medication if I didn’t have such an intense fear of taking anything that can make me feel different or out of control. In high school, I used to smoke pot and be just fine. Now, just thinking about getting high again sends me into a panic. I can’t take anything but ibuprofen or antibiotics, and even then I don’t touch antibiotics I haven’t had before. It took A LOT of courage for me to try the Celexa and I feel like it just ruined my chances of finding a good medication. 🙁