I have been suicidal for a long time planning & attempted more recently told my mental health team they already knew of the attempt & they put me down as low risk and said they will contact me every 6 months went back to the gp shocked that they didn't help he sent me back to a different team same thing happened... if this is the help they offer then why does anyone ask for help anymore waste of time makes you lose the last bit of hope you have I'm literally done the system is broken you don't receive help and it proves to you how much people do not care I just don't know what is wrong with me and how to get my life back and I feel as if i don't belong in society I can't even remember the last time i had a hug off anyone I'm so isolated and this lack of human contact has driven me crazy I'm too lonely and I can't do it anymore especially with no help... because I've tried many times ends the same way an even darker place I've just rang a hotline and this is why i'm typing this i don't know what to do i am a risk to myself it's impulse i just get wound up and just do it I do not want to die I think i have a mental health problem because some days are a million times worse for me for no reason at all at least i can't think of one.. my environment don't help and the lack of support is even worse and I feel as if i don't have an option because I can't afford help myself because this has made me not be able to concentrate so i lost my job any advice would be great maybe i should section myself but i don't want to because it will affect any job that i want i just need a friend 
but i'm so awkward with so much anxiety that i just don't feel good enough to have friends or a life so no wonder why i couldn't keep a job idk why i hate myself so much i'm 21 and not religious please give some advice
any advice : I have been suicidal for a... - Anxiety and Depre...
any advice
I'm terribly sorry James the system has let you down, but I'm glad your sharing here. it's a sad statement that they have not been able to help you. I was wondering if there was a walk in patient for hospitals dealing with your situation, are you on any medication.
Idk what the hospital could do for me... I have been on numerous medications for depression since i was 13 and all seemed to give side effects usually rashes or make me feel worse..I don't believe the drugs can do anything for it anyway
Hey James20 see if their is any free Health mental clinics in your town. Then see if you can do DNA testing to see what antidepressant drug you should be on. And I know you say your not religious but God helps. Good luck.
I'm in the UK it takes around 6 months to hear back from a clinic and I am pretty sure they don't do those tests wish they did.. God doesn't like people like me so I don't think he would help but thank you 
Where are you from? I could use a good friend as well😦
James, please don't hurt yourself. Things look bleak right now, I know. The system has let you down. But that doesn't mean you have to give up on yourself. You are stronger than you think. Did the team suggest any other options? Might there be a support group you could join? 12-step groups like AA have open meetings that anyone can attend and they are free. You can just ignore the religious stuff. Keep calling the help lines. Keep posting here. Don't give up.
they suggested a well being course that I did and I personally thought they was taking the mick it wasn't helpful and would make anyone that wasn't depressed feel depressed
Hi James, you are no longer alone. We do care and I am sending you a "virtual hug". We all need that human contact, that caring about each other which leads into our self worth. I agree with fauxartist in that you need to get to an emergency room where you can be re-evaluated by an ER doctor and therapist. Waiting 6 months down the road when you are experiencing these intense feelings is unacceptable.
I noticed that you signed up for the forum back in July 2017. Have you ever posted anything before? I wish I would have known how we might have helped you earlier but this is about today and how you are feeling. If you have been following along with the responses from others over the last 6 months, you will know that this is a safe place to come when feeling overwhelmed and despair with life's journey.
Is there someone who can accompany you to the ER? Are you in danger now of suicidal tendencies? Our goal on the forum is to keep each other safe. Please let us know how we can do that for you. I am so glad you opened up to us. You are not alone. x
I have been to a hospital before thinking about it was when I joined this site i was very drunk and had a post up that was incredibly depressing and i'm glad they took it down.. but that was my first attempt I took levothyroxine thyroid pills lol I didn't know these couldn't harm you taking the whole lot but yeah.. the person who monitors the site informed me they couldn't harm me.. so i decided it my drunken state to hang myself but it was on something unstable i went to bed and a lovely person on here told me to go to hospital so i went and the hospital got someone to talk to me for 30 mins and then they sent me home.. people were very kind to me on here but I couldn't control myself.. the alcohol did not help me I don't drink anymore at the moment I'm okay I tend to feel my worst in the middle of the night I don't know if I have said too much if i have i'm sorry
You did not say too much James. It is cathartic to release the tension and stress you are going through. We are here 24/7 so you can be assured you always have someone to talk with. I happen to be on pretty much from morning thru late evening. It seems like the dark thoughts appear in the late evening or middle of the night. I'm glad you have experienced a positive feeling when being on the forum.. Take care, stay safe and know we are always here for each other. x
James, I had my worst depression and suicidal thoughts when I was drunk many years ago when I had no treatment, no meds, and tried to self medicate. Alcohol is a major depressant, and you can not drink my friend. I am going to suggest something and am asking you just think about it. There are 12 step groups of all kinds. For alcohol, and some even for people from dysfunctional family's. I can't imagine there would not be some sort of group to help with depression, etc. I don't know where you live, sounds like maybe the UK?, but you need to be with people who understand, Keep sharing here till you find some self help, and keep sharing then....BUT DO NOT DRINK ....please. I know the hell it will do to someone, it' only makes things a hundred times worse.
Thank you I will try to completely stop drinking
Hi are you currently getting any counselling? This should help you. I don't which country you are in but I know in the UK mental health services are totally inadequate to cope with the number of people who need help.
I am suicidal much of the time but because I haven't actually made a plan my doctor ignored it. I did explain that I rarely make plans but do it on impulse but she still wasn't interested. I tried to seek counselling a couple of years ago on the NHS and was refused. I don't know what you have to do these days to get help. I hope you do. x
Yeah I'm in England I had counselling when I was younger but I can't get it now or any help at all I honestly am finding it difficult to even leave the house at the moment I'm literally a crazy person i'm so lost
So the NHS has turned you down for it? That's ridiculous. There is counselling available online but you do have to pay though it's cheaper than face to face I think. I haven't tried it but have a look at Betterlife as it might suit you. x
I have tried that but it's kind of like emailing Samaritans they just ask basic questions listen and don't help learn how to cope with feelings but maybe I will try again they can't all be the same
I think you should get NHS counselling and I don't mean CBT which is what's mainly available. You need a counsellor whom you can talk to about your feelings and emotions in a safe place and whom can help you deal with them. x
I will go back to the gp and get counselling if I really push for it apparently I will get it and I feel like I'm ready to do so
Thank you so much for your help x
I have felt like this in the past and for a very long time. I am here to tell you that there is always hope and you mustn't give up even though the services have let you down so badly. I know myself they are totally inadequate and the situation is getting worse in the UK than it ever was. I can understand how the "wellbeing" course aggravated things further. I too was offered totally inadequate support and yes things like this can make you feel worse as you feel more alienated through your needs and current emotions not being understood. I have felt a lot better for the past couple of months and don't really have any explanation for it except that I may have been suffering from complex grief over the death of my manipulative and controlling mother. I am not saying the causes are the same for you as I am sure they are not but the main point I am making is that things can change for the better, and I don't even know how it happened in my case. I just woke up one morning and felt better and continue to do so.
I am pleased you have been able to stop drinking. Although very tempting alcohol will worsen all of your feelings as would marijuana or any depressant. Hypercats idea of online counselling is worth considering. And of course you can always post up as much as you want on here and its free. Yes the mods will take down a post where someone is in imminent danger as it can trigger others (there are vulnerable people on here and some can be influenced by suggestion). They will always PM that person though and offer them appropriate support.
I am glad your suicide attempts failed as you still have the chance to put things right and for things to be better in your life. Basically you can write whatever you want on here except for swearing or threatening or actually being in imminent danger so feel free to tell us more. There is no way you have said too much and we would tell you if you did and you could hopefully have the chance to modify your post (if this ever happened)
We care on here and I personally feel every life deserves a chance. People listened to me for hours and hours on here when I was struggling. I'm happy to offer the same to others as I know how much it can help.
Gemmalouise X
Thank you so much for this your words mean a lot x
for a country that gives health care to everyone, they seem to be doing a pretty awful job. I cannot believe they are not helping someone who is in crisis. I'm sorry James, your obviously trying, but it's good to stay off the alcohol. It's an unfortunate bias with hospitals and institutions when people have been drinking, they ramble on all kinds of things, and don't remember the next day. So they are not taken very seriously, So go in clean and sober and keep trying.
It's tough for me to read. My brother and I both battled depression and he took the path of suicide. I wish I could have done more for him. I always thought I was worse off than he was. I've been battling depression since my late teens and I began having anxiety attacks at 9 years old. I've had really bad days with bad thoughts but what keeps me going is I always believe that there can be a better tomorrow. Life is ups and downs for everyone. It's just the downs impact us more. There is nothing I can write or say to help you that you probably haven't already heard. I'm in my 40s now and all I can say is that I have had many great days. I have kids and a great spouse. I still battle and I continue to see a therapist today. I exercise consistently, meditate, and always set small goals. Some days I cry in the shower but I accept me for who I am. We who fight this battle are strong and life is worth living. Take care of yourself and smile. There are many great days ahead.
I agree with everything you say. Life can seem an uphill battle at any age, but young men are at very high risk of self harm. As a society we need to do such more to protect all vulnerable people. The posters on this forum are doing their bit and showing the way.
Thank you for sharing this
I don't have much to add to what these lovely people have said, only that you are definitely, certainly not alone in these experiences. I and many people on this site also struggle with suicidal tendencies. The only real advice I can give you is to try to take care of yourself physically as well as mentally -- make a conscious effort to eat healthily, try some light exercise, and maybe give meditation a shot. Self-care won't fix everything, but it can help a lot and make you feel more hopeful. I'm so sorry the system has failed you in so many ways, but please, please stay strong. Everyone here wants you to find your way to safety and happiness. ^^
I eat healthy and exercise regularly I think that's something that has kept me going thanks for you advice
Sorry to hear about the pain your going through. I had a brother that committed suicide at 19 years of age. Don't know what state your from? But in California if you call 911, you'd get some help and would hospitalize you for 72 hours mandatory. Have you tried that ?
If you don't have a job you can apply for Medi-cal with that you can get help. Wish you the best
I'm in the UK I would have an ambulance take me to hospital and chat to me for 30 mins because they rarely have beds so yeah they wont hospitalise me I did try that.. I can't get help they just want you to work it out on your own and I don't know if i'm strong enough but thanks for your concern I'm trying to pick myself back up slowly
That's too bad, I'm from the USA we hospitalize people for 72 hours like I said. Wish you the best
Sending you hugs James20 - millions of them.
So sorry you haven't been able to get help yet but I'm glad you've stopped drinking and posted here.
Keep trying x
thank you
Hi, James! I am not only an alcoholic, but I'm also a child of alcoholics (I'm now 60 yrs old). How could I ever forget how badly I needed to find a path to healing. Paralyzed with fear, I just KNEW that nothing could work. Where could I find an answer? But I needed so MANY answers because I was TOTALLY screwed up, confused, anxiety-ridden. Alsoooooo, drunk every day for over 20 years. And yet, I could never be honest about my depression or drinking until one terrifying day ...I left work early, stopped by triage at a hospital & said to the intake worker, "I don't know if I'm drinking because I'm depressed or depressed because I'm drinking". My husband of 16 years had died a year before of colon cancer, so I didn't even stick around after he said, "Well, there's only one way to find out. The lightbulb clicked on. Best decision I ever made!! I now have 24 years sober. Hang in there young man. "As long as there's breath, there's hope". Please, please reach out to someone when you're in that horribe place (being alone in your head is a dangerous place to be).:
James, because of your post, I feel this renewed hope & a I reminder of why I joined the group. I have always worked on my physical issues, but was too paranoid to look at my mental condition. I finally had it checked out last year because I wanted to be sure I didn't have dementia. Thanks for opting to come to the table, James!!
Thank you for giving me some hope
James20 - My name's Rebekah & I suggest you think of someone/ something to hang on to. It you don't have any friends James then I all be your friend. So hang on to that.
Distance has nothing to do with human connection. If you want to vent, rant, cry etc- I am here. I won't make any promises. However, I check my mail every single day & if I see your name I will answer you amd help you as much as I can James.
So please, if you don't mind tell me more about your situation and I don't know how much I can help. But just the fact that you're on here tells me that you do not want to die...you want to live.....it's just that you don't wanna "live like this anymore"......and no wonder...who the heck would?!
And DO NOT feel guilty for the so called "help" you got. If it didn't help...then you're not at all crazy....you know it didn't help....don't allow people to make you believe it did help....'cause you know what is right &what is wrong.
How? Evidence! You know what you want & need so ask & seek until you find it. You just have to be willing to receive the help. NOT THEIR "help" but the kind that actually takes an effect on your life. So if you don't mind, please allow me (if I can & if you let me to help you) - so please do me a favor James and hang on to me if you have nothing or feel you have nothing. Because the fact is that you DO have soemthibg inside you because you wouldn't be on here crying out if you didn't.....to put it bluntly (and no offense) you'd be dead.
People who want to be dead...are dead. People who want life are living. But to live doesn't mean you're alive (or Hai - a Hebrew word for life but not in the sense of how we think of it but "Hai" is life that flows from with in) ....the people who say they can help you can not not help you... so how do I know that? Evidence! Because you're still not well. That's when you stop seeing people who HAVEN'T helped you.
James, I don't care if these people are Gurus, professionals....mom or dad or whoever.....if you don't feel helped....you're not helped. You're not nuts....you know exactly what is going on. And hey look! There's hope....you cried out & now you have me....don't you James?
It might not be much, but it is something....if that is, you receive me.
So James, it is up to you...keep asking and you'll get it. You'll know you've got it...even if it's just a little bit...did it help?
I hope this did. Even if it's not much...lemme know.
Peace. Rebekah/Lavendor ~
bless your heart thank you so much it helps to know their are some decent people in the world that gives me hope you're very kind I really appreciate you sorry this response is so short i'm just shocked that someone could be so lovely to a stranger
From now on you're my friend okay sweetie? - that is, if you don't mind (-;
P.S. Do not be shocked by good people out there. Sometimes all we gotta do is reach out.
Sure, there's allot of a** holes out there. But who needs 'em? I sure don't...so James, do yourself a favor & don't think or respond to idiots anymore. Only the things that help, love, respect & appreciate you.
Peace. Rebekah ~
Hey James,
You have heard from a lot of wonderful people here. I read through some of them, and you can see there are plenty of people here who can relate. There are a couple things that came into my mind.
First, you sound like a strong person. Yeah, you are feeling at your wits end right now, but you are doing lots of smart things too. Recognizing and stopping the drinking, good on you! Also reaching out here, and keeping up with the conversation. That is totally someone who is saying, "I'm Hurting, Please help me!!". Makes you special and unique, and also someone who CAN find relief. Keep engaging with all of us here!
Second, sometimes you have to advocate strongly for yourself. You are doing it by being here, which is good! The "system" sometimes needs a push. Don't be afraid to advocate with your GP, and anyone else. Write stuff down ahead of time so you have notes when you talk to these people. It'll help you present a strong argument that you WANT and NEED assistance to get back to a stable place.
Third, BetterHelp. I am using it now. I got lucky, and found a good person there who I have managed to connect with, but it took some work. Here's the trick with this site, and with mental health providers in general... you have to be able to connect with them at an emotional level for it to help. I've done therapy many times in my life and this has always been the case... here is what I did on BetterHelp...
I started out with a good description of what I was struggling with, and some solid history, so that whoever I was talking to would understand what I was struggling with, and also what I was looking for. I kept this text... because I used in many times. I'd paste it into the initial contact I had with the therapist. Depending on their response, and the following conversation, I decided if I like the person or not. If I didn't connect, I asked for a new therapist. Also, when you have no therapist, if you send a message, you will end up contacting the customer support. I just kept trying people till I found someone who would connect with me. I went through like 4-5 ppl. Eventually I found someone who was really good. It's not the same as real-time conversation, but it's been enough to actually help me. It may be one of a number of resources you can use.
Finally, if you want someone to just chat with, then message me. I'll be happy to listen. Either way, keep reaching out to the community here too! This place is filled with great people who are working together with each other to help each other. We're all struggling with very real stuff. The system is not equipped to deal well with emotional health issues, but they are real... everyone here knows it!
Keep strong!!
I will check out betterhelp.. thank you for sharing your experience on it and being so kind to me I really do appreciate every word you said
You are welcome James!
Keep up with all the people here. Keep the conversation going. There are LOTS of good people here. NHS, just like health care in the US is not equipped to handle anything but "I'm feeling sad" kinda of problems which they use CBT-style strategies to help resolve. It's about "Symptom Reduction". Not what someone with a long-term chronic issue benefits from as much. Those of us here with chronic, and more fundamental issues usually have to find their own help. I tried recently to "use the system" in the US from my healthcare provider (Kaiser) and same deal, just like NHS...
Often, another thing you can work on.... some really good people (therapists) dedicate some portion of their practice to ProBono work, or operate on sliding scales for those that don't have the monetary resources. It's another option. If you are in a larger city, your chances of finding such help will be higher.
Also, one other thing that I recently learned... which may be useful to you... There is a bit of a generation gap in terms of therapeutic methodologies. I found this out only recently... at least here in the states, and I guess in the UK as well. As you search out someone (even just a "counselor" or Social Worker) The "older" crowd seems to have been schooled with a very rigid set of "rules" about therapy. The "younger" crop (maybe practicing the last 10 years...) has a different and more connective philosophy... You may find you click with someone of the "younger" set. Just something to consider...
There is no question you will have to advocate for yourself, but with the family here, you can rely on getting suggestions and support from all of us... and as you can see, it's a family of people from all over the world, and from all time zones... so if you feel like crap in the middle of the night, likely someone will see your message and respond from somewhere in the world!!
Keep going!
Hi James20...I have just read your post...I am in the UK also and I am in the exact same position as u...I was taken by ambulance to hospital 3 weeks ago as I had had enough of feeling so isolated and having daily panic attacks(I still do)..I waited 4 hours with the paramedics to be taken into a cubicle to see a Psych nurse...which took another 3hours..by the time someone came to speak to me it was 1am the next morning...they took me again by ambulance to the local Psych hospital and I was kept overnight...I have diagnosed Aspergers Syndrome and Ocd and I told them the thoughts I was having were making me fearful and crazy..I was told it was no place for an Autistic adult to be in and discharged after lunch...I was told they may consider a Psychiatrist but it will take up to 7months to see one if at all...meantime ive to take up yoga, tai chi and meditation...I was shocked like u ...I feel theres no help at all...I feel more lost than ever...I understand how lonely u must feel...This is a great site James with a lot of lovely kind people who do understand how u feel...the system is useless...the help we get u can read from a self help book...I hope u keep posting and chat to all of us here when u need to.... x
it's all so messed up I'm so sorry that happened to you.. I have learnt so much from the people on this site and I am so glad I came on here to talk to all you incredible humans and everyone has made me feel a million times better and less alone I didn't think that was even possible I am overwhelmed by the kindness and support everyone has shown me on this site and I really do appreciate you replying thank you so much x
Sending Hugs....Youre Welcome...Glad it helps..sometimes reading what others have to deal with too ...can help us feel less alone.. x
Well, James...I seem to have a very loving Higher Power, who is constantly stepping in and placing very special people smack-dab in the middle of my path. I personally believe that you must have one of those, too!
It seems that when I'm feeling absolutely hopeless and lower than whale poop, Someone is put in my path from out of the blue who causes me to pay attention, focus on the task-at-hand and, as a result, I get a reprieve from my own personal hell. In AA we say, "You have to give it away to keep it!" We share our experience, strength & hope. This is in large part how we stay sober.
Oftentimes "reaching out" pays both ways. You might be searching for answers and in the process help someone more than you can imagine. I know my Higher Power works in mysterious ways. THANK YOU, James...from the bottom of my heart.
Hey👋 we can be friends. I'm 20 and i have dealt with depression and anxiety for a longggg time. I can try to help you and give you advice plus i don't want you to give up. I can relate to you about the job loss and no contact part. I sometimes wish i wasnt here to but because i have no one. My parents don't understand me, i was abused, i have no friends, and i lost my job a few months ago from absences because of how debilitating my freaking depression is. And i got fired for that. Makes me angry. You can talk to me anytime i mean it i'm always on here. Please don't give up. Stay strong. Your helping so many people right now because we can relate to your post and you word your feelings and emotions the way some of us can't. 😘❤
Yes the experience is broken because there is so much stigma against mental illness. Forget those people and they should be fired for not doing their freakin jobs! 👊😤
Have you tried seeing a psychiatrist?
I am your friend.
James you've come to the right place. And that you have is a positive thing and shows you want help and support. I'm not a professional though I've had done training. But I can resonate as in think many can because I've been there and let me swear to you it does get better. You say you've felt this way since 13 years old and your note 20. Did you know the brain doesn't finish developing until you are about 21 and things can seen worse than they are until then. Whatever other influences have led to this state you feel in there is help, keep seeking and asking. If you don't feel good enough there is stuff eaten courses. Have you heard of positive step. Many people your age get help there and you may find you find a friend through one of their groups. Look up NHS positive step self esteem. Usually just a six week start but can make miraculous changes to how you feel and give you a positive outlook. Make sure you are eating and drinking properly, getting enough fresh air, exercise and hopefully sleep well come when needed and dreams can be nice. Keep going so much good to come. 😄😄😄🎉
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