I’ve been suffering from panic attacks for over 30 years now. I can go months without one then suddenly suffer then repeatedly day after day. I’ve researched the causes & treatment of panic attacks endlessly. I’ve been on various medication through the years & somehow managed to survive & carry out a fairly ‘normal’ life holding down a responsible job etc.
Almost 3 years ago I lost my beautiful darling 30 year old daughter in a tragic accident & my life totally fell apart. I really don’t know how I get up every day now but somehow I do. I still work but only part time in a less demanding job - I find it helpful to be distracted from my grief which at times is so overwhelming.
Over the last few months I’ve been suffering hideous panic attacks especially at nighttime - I get palpitations & missed heartbeats, severe diarrhoea & sweat buckets. Every time I think - this is it, I’m not going to survive this one, I feel so ill. I’ve been tempted to go to A & E quite a few times as I’ve felt so very ill but cant bear the thought of sitting for hours with strangers & then being treated as a time waster by overstretched medical staff.
I’ve tried online chat rooms to try & calm down but have not had much luck.
I know the theory of how to stop panic is just to let it wash over you & it will burn itself out but I’ve never managed the art of doing this successfully. Im so tired & weary & feel so sorry for myself these days, I really hate waking up each day.
Has anyone got any helpful tips or strategies that have truly helped you when you’re starting with a full blown panic attack? Id be so very grateful for a glimmer of hope
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Woody77
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Hi Woody77 - Not sure about whether I should send this unconventional reply, but here goes. I have severe panic attacks in the form of chest pains. The first few times it happened (over 20 years ago) I genuinely thought I was dying of a heart attack. When I went to the doctor, they said my heart was fine. My therapist at the time told me the most unusual way to deal with it. I am not saying this will work for you, but she told me that when I felt that way, I should just shout, "Bring it on! Do your worst!" It was frightening, but since my physical health seemed to be fine, I decided to try it. It seemed to work, at least some of the time. To me, this still seems to be an insane solution, but that was what she told me, and she specialized in anxiety and phobias. She would say, "Boss it back!" Anyway, it sometimes works. Either way, I just try to remember it is not my heart, it is only a panic attack. I do not like to take anxiety meds for it because over the long haul, it made my panic attacks, anxiety and depression far worse. I still sometimes have chest pains, but I just try to ignore them. Sometimes it is easier to ignore than other times. I If I were in your shoes, I would regularly get fully checked out physically and, if you are healthy, maybe you could ask a therapist or better yet, a psychiatrist who is experienced in treating panic disorder about this. I hope I am not wrong to share this. I just wanted to share my own strange experience. Hope it helps.
Dearest Woody77, I am truly sorry for the loss of your daughter.
You have mentioned in your post that you lost your precious daughter nearly/almost
three years ago. Could it be that is prompting you to experience the continuing grief
in losing your daughter? Grieving has no time limit. Sometimes there may be enough
of a break with our emotions but then a birthday, holiday or date of passing allows our
emotions to rise to the top and produce these Panic Attacks.
Have you gone through grief counseling during these last 3 years? It might very well
help you. Medication is but a band-aid effect. It's the talk therapy that can help you find another direction in relieving this hopeless/helpless feeling.
I have learned through the years to literally avoid a Panic or Anxiety Attack is to breathe my way through them. That's a little different than allowing the sensations to wash over you. The proper breathing technique (taught on YouTube) can allow the mind/body to stop the adrenaline build up before it gets too far. Meditation/Breathing is something I do 3x daily for the past years, yes years. It is too late once you are in the throes of Panic. It must be a daily practice in order to build a reserve of peace and calm that you can pull out at anytime, anywhere. Nothing can take away your pain of loss but know that this advice can and will give you that "glimmer of hope" I care xx
Woody77, I’m sorry for your terrible loss and the immense amount of pain that you and your family are having to go through. I don’t want to know how deeply distraught or how anything is going to be good again with as much as I believe losing a child destroys a parent. You are capable of enormous strength and I think if you are going to be able to find some relief for yourself as long as you are still willing to help care for yourself through this process.
I have had some issues with panic attacks and Flashbacks off and on for many years. I would recommend trying a few different things to see which ones work best for you. 1) Try shocking yourself in some way back into the present moment. You can try a couple different methods such as; snapping a rubberband that you wear on your wrist or by applying an ice pack/ something extremely cold to the back of your neck. When you are using these methods you can also work on your breath. In slowly through the nose for a count of 5, the out slowly through the mouth for a count of 5. 2) There’s also the application of binaural soundscapes and EMDR techniques of tapping in 4:4 cadence on your thighs (left,right,left…). 3)There are a variety of essential oils for the purpose of grounding that if you are not able to use the prior recommendation, that you can get in a rollerball applicator and you can have it with you to smell the scent for a calming sensation in a crisis. 4) I would also like to recommend trying out some of the apps that are available for free on EMDR and other similar therapies. 5) There are also an array of videos that have been created to help with people who have been experiencing anxiety/panic attacks. I have a video that is stored on my phone that I have found to be able to calm me down during my most recent dealings with flashbacks/panic attacks. I don’t know what exactly is going to be the best fit for you, but those are things that I have had work for me at times.
Good luck with the experimenting process with these tools that I have tried, and hopefully, and that you find out how they do for you.
This is a link for the video that I was talking about that I also have saved on my phone:
Thank you so much for your kind thoughts & useful tips. How on earth I get up each day is still a mystery to me but I have another daughter who needs me to support her & I love her dearly so somehow that spurs me on.
I’ve tried EMDR & unfortunately it wasn’t for me - my therapist recognised this early on & advised against taking it any further I’ll certainly watch the video you’ve recommended & I have tried other techniques such as an ice pack, splashing my face with cold water etc with limited success I’m a qualified aromatherapist & so have tried various essential oil mixes but have yet to find a really beneficial one - I’ll keep experimenting!
Thank you again for your advice - its very much appreciated x
Thank you for reaching out and sharing. I am so sorry about the loss of your daughter. Many churches have grief share. I would recommend you go to those. It really helps talking with others who understand the loss of a child. I am also sorry you struggle so severly with panic attacks. I know I have to do a lot of positive self-talk to help me. I have some techniques that helps when I feel the start the panic feeling.
1) I remind myself healing comes from the inside out. It starts with letting go of the things of the past, forgiving and changing our focus and behavior. Becoming aware of what you need through self-care and personal nourishment. Take time for yourself - you are worth it. Like taking walks, baths, massages, mani/pedi/, listening to uplifting music/sermons and anything that makes you feel refreshed and renewed.
2) The 557 breathing technique is take 5 deep breaths in while thinking good thoughts about yourself like I am calm, everything is ok, I am at peace and then hold the breaths for the count of 7 focusing on those words about yourself, then let out the breath slowly for 5 seconds letting go of any anxious, self-defeating, unhealthy thoughts. I do this one to three times a sitting.
3)The gratitude journal is writing down something good every morning and night something that went well in the day, or something I appreciate about myself. Taking our focus off of the anxiety and depression and focusing on positive uplifting things really helps. What you think is what you believe. So thinking uplifting things you believe those things but the reverse is true - thinking negative self-defeating things, you will believe those.
4) Emotional Freedom Tapping - bit.ly/3AVYNiX You use pressure points to tap on those points while you repeat positive uplifting things to yourself.)
I will be praying for you. Feel free to pm me if you'd like to chat. Hugs and God Bless
Thank you for taking time to reply in such detail. I’m married to a vicar so the religious side of things is pretty much covered- though I have to say I haven’t had that much support from that area - mainly I suppose due to Covid restrictions- my daughter died just 6 months before the start of the pandemic. I’m a member of a bereaved parent support group which has been helpful at times.
I will try the techniques you’ve mentioned - I’m willing to try absolutely anything to try & relieve this living hell that im going through at the moment- the panic attacks have been particularly overwhelming recently which is saying something as I’ve suffered with them for 30+ years.
I’ve resisted medication as I think it has its uses but is only really a sticking plaster & I need to try & find some coping strategies & retrain my thought pattern
I may take you up on your offer of messaging you - its so comforting to know I’m not alone & can reach out to someone who understands the struggle x
Yes, retraining our thoughts is huge. However, I know as a Christian I would didn't want to do medication either. After spiraling for so many years and not wanting to feel the way I did, I learned I first had to deal with the chemcial imbalance before I could work on my thought patterns. Several years ago, I decided to study to be a healthy life coach. Through that training, it really helped me learn what we think about is what we believe about ourselves and sets our identity. So if what we think about is not helpful to us, then it only makes things worse and often unbearable. However, every day checking our thoughts, reminding ourself we can change our thoughts to be helpful makes so much difference in our lives. I hope you do take me up on chatting. I will have spotty internet for two months while I travel, but will respond as I can. After that I will be back to normal internet. I will continue to praying for you. You mentioned you have the religious side covered. What I have learned is it is not about religion about having a personal relationship with God. Daily I talk to God and remind myself God's got this. A couple of week ago our pastor had a sermon that really hit home about letting go of control and letting God handle it all. (bit.ly/3Skzxfl) It is the one called "The Syrians are Coming". The sermon starts at 24:15. God is the one in charge and when we can truly let go and submit to Him, you will find peace. However, it is a daily submission of giving our life to God and letting Him lead. I will continue to keep you in my prayers. Hugs and God Bless
It could be that part of your anxiety is from suppressing your emotions especially the grief and anger at the loss of your daughter all of which are normal human emotions after such a tragedy. Anxiety can be our mind/bodies way of signaling to us that we need to change and deal with something that we are not dealing with or denying. You might benefit from emdr therapy or ACT therapy to process and allow the emotions which will allow you to heal and move on with your life.
Thank you for your reply. I’ve tried EMDR but unfortunately it wasn’t for me. Im on the list for ACT - but its quite a long wait.
I suffered from panic attacks way before I lost my beautiful daughter - the grief & anxiety about maybe losing someone else close to me has been overwhelming at times. Im sure I’m living in a permanent state if hyper awareness of every emotion so the panic attacks are become more frequent & easily triggered. I’ve taken up frequent exercise & changed my diet to a healthy one to try & help myself as best I can. So far I’m not having much success. I’ve considered hypnotherapy & seeing a naturopath- they’re in my list of things to try.
You're welcome. One of the other things to consider incase you haven't, is that stress can take a toll on your hormones, thyroid and adrenals all of which can cause or contribute to anxiety/depression if not functioning properly.
I don't know how long I have truly been dealing with attacks, but I can honestly say I am now getting better. I still have panic attacks, on average every other day, but they aren't as bad as they were. One thing I been doing with my therapist is CBT, or Cognitive Behavior Therapy. It makes you look at things from a different angle. The ability to realize what is going on and that it will pass helps, but it still doesn't solve the issue. I am not at the point you wish to be at, but I can say, if you have the time (our worst enemy) try looking for a therapist who can help you achieve the goal you want. Treat your therapist like you do a significant other, if they don't work for you, move on and find one that fits you.
I'm so sorry for your loss. I cannot image the pain that you're going through. As previously mentioned, training your body to use calming breaths when you need then is key, and that takes practice when you're not having the attacks. So finding a breathing technique you like, then doing it 3 times a day, every day, so you can call on that skill when you really need it. I've also recently discovered energy work like Tai Chi and Qigong. I prefer Qigong as I feel it's easier to just jump into. They're both breathing meditations that also rid the body of excess energy=anxiety. I do it once a day to help calm me down. Just something that hasn't already been mentioned here before. I wish you healing and peace.....
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xx
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