I'm about to go to the store with my dad and my niece. this store is crowded as hell with people all around you. I fear people. i suspect my guard will be up with me being hyper vigilant and threat monitoring my situation. Will people notice this behavior?
Could use some support: I'm about to go... - Anxiety and Depre...
Could use some support
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EricJones
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Are you able to shift your focus? You're now the keeper or the shopping list or the one who grabs everything off the shelves. I find that helps me when shopping with other people. Do you think some of this is related to overstimulation? You could wear light ear plugs, sunglasses, or have a stim toy or comfort item.
my dad will be doing all that stuff..wish me luck got to go
I don’t think how you feel will be visibly noticeable. Let us know how it went?
I'm here at the moment ..people don't notice those things?
Like what type of things? Usually people are just focused on their own stuff they are doing.
they dont notice if your body language is a little off?
Nah
people dont care about how you come across? i can have weird body language and its okay?
Well to me, it’s not a big deal. Everybody has their things that they do to cope in life. It’s ok. You don’t have to worry about what other people might be thinking about you.
one thing that gets to me is the notion that someone else can pick up on my hyper vigilance...that they can notice me noticing them....is that not a thing to be worried about?
I wouldn’t worry about that, nope
because people are too busy focusing on other things that matter not focusing on things like body language that dont matter?
Right and also what if someone actually did notice a particular body language you are having, would that even really matter? What would come of it?
you mean what do you say to body language? you cant just call someone out for it? is that along the lines of what youre thinking?
Right I feel like no one is going to bother you about it
People rarely notice other people body language. Hell you can skip down the aisle and nobody will bat an eye lol You can be a robot in your movements and nobody will notice.
Maybe you can ask your dad to let you push the cart 🛒 help distract you a little. Converse with your niece to help you distract from all the people in the store. Best of luck 🤞🏽
thanks..i did talk to her some...she's so quiet when she's around me i had to come up with conversation to talk about lol.... you think people are that oblivious? or just dont care if someone is moving robotic?
People really are oblivious lol and they just don't care. They mind their business. Unless there's like a fight then people will break out the cellphones. But yeah people don't care and are oblivious. Shopping is a chore for most people. They just want to get their stuff and get out lol
so i'm like a tree that they may or may not happen to see, that they're used to seeing but have no interest looking at?
Yup your a 🌳 People grocery shopping couldn't be bothered. Unless you wear the color shirt as the employees there, then you won't be bothered.
Or if you are ridiculously tall like over 6'6 then people will gawk at you. And ask you to grab stuff off the top shelves for them.
Hahah...I like you
Eric
How did it go?
🐬
I hate going out where a lot of people are too
so do I dude, so do I. but it feels good once you do the hard things...even when its hard in the moment
Yes for me it’s the fear of something happening to me in front of people not what they think about me
explain it a little more please
You are thinking of yourself too much. Other people are not looking and thinking about you because they are too busy with their own lives. No way can they know what you are thinking etc. It’s your own thoughts that are bluffing you. Have you tried headphones and music?
i dont want to distract myself with headphones because i think i wont take them off
Ok. Just thinkin. You know what is best for you and what works. Keep going on and don’t give up because you can win this. 👍
yeah i'm not as afraid of strangers as I once was...that happened recently
That’s so good. I think we are all brave to face our demons. It takes lots courage, determination and guts, so don’t ever give up. The strangers you see are perhaps having the same problems or bigger ones. We all have weaknesses and life throws some rotten things to us all.
do you think the strangers weren't thinking about me at all?
No they were not. Why would they think of you? What the hec for? There are other people around as well as you going about their own business . When l go out l am thinking what l have to do, get it done so that l can get back home!
i just think its sad that people dont think of each other more often than they do
Me too. There is no love anymore. The world is on fast forwards Eric.
just trying to go through life with very limited human connection
Now that is sad because l truly believe that we are here for a purpose and whatever we are, there are others that need us. When we look back we can see more clearly. I bet there are people who are waiting for you out there, people you have not yet met and who need your help. One thing about being sick is that we can help others who are in the same boat. Things never stay the same. One thing you can rely on is change.
"Will people notice this behavior?"
People in general are kinda busy with their own lives to care about what others do.
.
If you are in a store and somebody looks your way it's probably because they may be wondering if what they are looking (the shopping item) for is in the direction that you may be in.
.
Here.. One of the positive things about not being "rich and famous" is that you can get lost in a crowd or have people walk by and not bother you.
No, they will not. Focus on your mission and not other people. They too have a lot going on in their lives to be monitoring your body language.
so them monitoring me, i just a fear of mine, that doesnt happen from their end?
Not at all. They really don't care.
is it because they have their own life to think about? how about because they dont want to appear judgmental? could that be a reason they dont care?
Hi Eric,
We - other people are sometimes judgmental but we would only think about it and try to avoid being judgmental if you deliberately drew attention to yourself. I don't think you are doing that, are you?
i didnt understand your question
I don't think you are deliberately drawing attention to yourself, are you?
no i am not, i'm trying to hide my body language haha...but i get really uncomfortable and i think some panicky body language seeps out
Some panicky body language seeps out, but probably not enough for any ordinary person to notice. If you could just relax you would be okay.
yeah but i cant relax...i'm not comfortable around people...i cant get my mind to relax from thinking of all the things that could go wrong
Eric, Perhaps you can't relax. Just take some slow deep breaths.
i need to calm my mind not my body
Like I said, Eric, just take some slow deep breaths.
i heard what you said...i dont think it will work....i get overstimulated by a lot of things happening all at once
JUST TRY IT, ERIC. we are all trying to help you but you're not willing to be helped. Please remember, that we all came to HU to get help or advice. It is not all about you.
whoa slow down there Maggie! Youre saying some pretty confrontational things to me....i dont want to try deep breathing doesnt mean i'm being selfish
Yeah. You don't want to try what people suggest. ok. Nobody said you were being selfish for not wanting to breathe but now I'm going to be selfish and take some time for myself. Thanks.
THAT'S WHAT IT DOES FOR MOST PEOPLE.
I feel people notice but who cares? Most people know this world is really hard and monsters are real and we know that. Just go to the store.
well i went to the store....and what do you mean monsters are real?
Monsters, to me are not the cartoon kind or the movie kind. They are the rapists. They are people who hurt other people and kids and animals. I personally know that monsters are real. Not the kind that is make believe that human beings that are real monsters. That is what I mean.
some people are monsters, but most humans dont care to harm another human being because their mind isnt on it
Eric, I know that, but Monsters exists among us. I know this too. Not saying all people are Monsters. Just some are but they are walking among us. I cannot help that I know that.
i'd not think about it...unless you cant stop thinking about it...its not a pleasant thought
they are walking among us and we are not aware of who they are.
🤗🤗
not a chance what? what comment are you referring to, sorry idk
Sorry I got confused EricJones, I wrote to you by mistake have a great day. You're making good progress.
EricJones in reply to
thanks...take care
I do not know why they would. But, may I ask if you are seeing a Therapist for your fear of people? I am hoping that you are. People fear a lot of things. Personally, I’m terrified of heights. But, unless you do something that draws attention to yourself, no one would notice, or even care , who you are. If you’re anxious about being with other people, you may suggest going at a time when less people are there. And, try to relax. And, learn to be comfortable with yourself. And, remember, seek help with your fear. That would be a good place to start.
🐺
I am somewhat introverted and find crowded spaces with lots of people difficult sometimes. I sometimes feel insecure about my appearance or what I am wearing. I am hesitant to go to social occasions. BUT when i force myself, i nearly always feel better afterwards. It is a big effort for me, but I think it's worth it. Please dont say you are trying to live with as little human interaction as possible. You are young and you need to be part of the world, and to enjoy your life. I know from my experience that if I stay off the radar for too long, it becomes very difficult to re-engage. So I try to keep some bit of social contact with a small few friends, but afterwards I need plenty of time to 'recover'. I do feel energised tho in some ways after meeting friends. As much as I hate to admit it, I feel as humans we need contact with each other. Depression made things worse for me in my younger years and it compounded the anti-social feelings I had. But medication made me less awkward I suppose, and more at ease with myself. Age helps too in a way. My teens and 20s were difficult as I felt ill-at-ease with myself, but did not have the insight or the skills to explain any of that to my family it to my Dr. I just trudged through school and college. And as I got a bit more mature I was less hard on myself. After having children I somehow got a lot better. I suppose my focus had to go on them and what they needed, rather than focusing inward. Don't give up the fight, life gets easier as you get older. People are kinder and more intuitive than you think. Everyone has struggles. I wish you well, live your best life!
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