Any advice would be greatly appreciated

[Catlover2626]

I have been struggling with depression on and off my whole life, but not this bad, and then later came anxiety too which has never been higher. The latest diagnosis is the worst bc it comes with memory problems. It's PTSD from previous abuse, a car accident, and my last job.It's rendered me almost speechless, and idk how I'm supposed to get help when I can't currently remember a lot of my past, and I'm too depressed to do much of anything, and almost everything makes me anxious.... it's sad, I'm literally scared to talk to people bc every time I try, nothing comes out. Idk what to do with myself, the depression is getting worse from being isolated, and when I try to go out I almost or do have panic attacks. I'm supposed to be getting a new counselor soon, and I'm terrified bc idk what to tell them so they can help me.

Has anyone ever been through a similar experience, or have any advice that could help me get through my days, decrease my anxiety and depression, or help me get my memory back. Sorry I know this is a lot.

[Starrlight]

Seeing a counselor is a great start. I’m sure the counselor help you by asking questions and being understanding. Let us know how it goes?

[Catlover2626 in reply to Starrlight]

Thank you... I'm just scared bc idk what to do to get through my days anymore. I'm not suicidal or anything, it's just I feel like I'm losing more and more motivation, and long for even one good day that I had something to do to keep me busy and get me out of my head. I'm also scared the counselor might not be able to help bc my memory is really bad, and idk what to say.

[Lizzo30]

The main thing is not to panic about not remembering - your brain can recover but it will take time you need to eat well keep hydrated and take good care of yourself - baby steps, try to go out but just make short trips to begin with and plan them - write notes - take it easy

[Catlover2626 in reply to Lizzo30]

That's all I do is panic, idk what to say to anyone, and idk what to do with myself. There's way too many hours in a day when you cant get yourself to do much, and the worst is being so stuck in your head you cant speak to anyone. My parents talk about cats and my nephews everyday. I long for connection and meaningful conversations, but i feel almost enpty like close to a blank slate except the samè negative thoughts. Everyday is lonely torture bc I struggle to make decisions, haven't been able to write anything, or barely speak to anyone. I end up pacing around the house, or staying in bed a lot. I have the same daunting thoughts everyday, and I keep trying to say I'll get through this, and it won't last forever,but my negative thoughts quickly take over.

[Lizzo30]

you should be getting help for your condition have you spoken to your GP ?

[Catlover2626]

Yes I'm on meds from my Gp/old psychiatrist, and am getting in with a new therapist, but it's so hard to explain to people, and I have to wait at least a month to get back into my psychiatrist.

[Shanm2]

Hey Catlover2626, Firstly, I would just like to say, that i can relate with what you've written here and that you are not alone in feeling this way.

Secondly, it does depend on what type of therapy/counselling you will (hopefully soon) be recieving. For example CBT - from my experience - isnt so much focused on the past, but rather the present day and then future. In other words you don't need to remember every single detail from the past to get help for the here and now. Hold on to that and remind yourself that you will be seeing someone to talk with thats train in helping you deal/cope with what you're currently going through.

Lastly, I really struggle with talking to people, especially when it comes to explaining whats happening in my brain, because its almost overloaded with so much stuff that being able to vocalise is a no-no and so they only way i find helpful is to write stuff down. Having different note pads for different feelings its helpful. If its sadness, i write sad things but make sure i write one happy thing or at least a happy quote afterwards.

Please remind yourself that you will make it through, you won't feel this way forever. You will have brighter days ahead and with help from both you and the counsellor, thing will be less intense within time and time will heal.

My daily reminder to myself; Stay strong, I am strong and i will be okay.

[Catlover2626]

Thank you, but my here and now is anxiety provoking everyday, and I'm not sure what to do with myself. I haven't had much luck writing either.... I appreciate your kind words, I just wish I could get back to having a life and being busy everyday. How can I really get help from anyone when idk exactly how to explain what's going on? I know one other time my doctor said I had PTSD and a trauma caused like a temporary amnesia. It took 10 months for that to pass, and I don't want to have to go through that for so long again! I stayed in bed all day and watched TV, and maybe did a couple small things around the house. Went for walks occasionally.