Tired of feeling scared, empty and sick

[Legends22]

Hello everyone.

I'm new here and wanted someone's opinion.

Has anyone felt desperate to feel better? Doctors keep telling me I have anxiety but I get really physically ill. The symptoms don't stop. Just when I think it's going to be a good day, I feel like my body gives up and I'm in a never ending painful cycle that leads to dread. I see myself fearing my life because it's like torture. It went downhill since Feb and I'm just getting worse.

I've had anxiety before but not like this.

I can't eat (get horrible tachycardia during and after meals), have blurry vision that has delayed my enjoyment in reading (love books!), overall malaise and extreme fatigue to the point where I can't stand up without almost fainting.

I feel ignored by doctors, family and friends. They treat me like I'm a bother and since they don't know how to make me feel better, they ignore me. As a consequence, depression has been a new addition to the mix.

I want to me be me again. And it's very hard when all I see and feel is a very ill and weak person in the mirror. I'm trying harder, going to counseling, seeking professional help, going to medical doctors and health practitioners, but they also scratch their heads not knowing what to do. 😞

Thanks for your comments. I just needed to vent. It was a very difficult weekend and thus a very hard Monday so far. Crying or napping, doesn't help as much either. It used to be liberating, now it makes me feel worse.

[b1b1b1]

You do have to somehow make sure that you do not have a physical illness going on. Perhaps look for a second medical opinion from a major teaching hospital. If you are not also seeing a psychiatrist, you might want to look for one.

[Legends22 in reply to b1b1b1]

Yes, thanks for your reply. I do have 3 chronic illnesses (1 more was diagnosed a week ago). Also, I have a mental health care team of professionals which both my family and I go to. The docs keep asserting me that I am stronger than I believe and that I have gone thru alot for someone my age and that I've been in survival mode for so long that it's ok if I feel shaken now. Still, I don't like living like this and wish very much to get better. The regular body symptoms plus the anxiety are the worst.

[Agora1]

Hi Legends22, may I ask what happened in February that you started going down hill?

Did something in your life change? Did you experience Covid? Did you have your

vaccination for Covid? You don't need to answer but just know that post Covid and even

some who have vaccinations experience long term issues that doctors can't explain.

It's something to think about and bring up to your doctor.

Anxiety does present with some wearing symptoms but as b1b1b1 stated, make sure

there isn't a health issue going on first. Good Luck dear xx

[Legends22 in reply to Agora1]

Thank you. Yes, I did get covid twice actually. But, thankfully it was a mild version both times. I do get what your saying and I did speak to my docs about it. But, they dont know what to do for me bc they dont know what to treat, they explained that "long covid" is still under much scrutiny and they dont have a plan of action for it yet. And I had these symptoms after covid and before I got covid again 🤷🏻‍♀️

As for Feb, I dont know what caused it. I was in my "normal" everyday pattern. But something snapped and tachycardia set in. It hasn't stopped. I was at the park with my family that day, and I tried to shake it off. But, then a week later it happened several times, specially after eating., just tachycardia episodes out of the blue. As a person that has dealt with panic attacks and anxiety this was new to me bc it felt very different. Mostly, I felt exhausted before, during and even more so after. Doctors are still trying to figure this out, but preliminary I was diagnosed with "IST" Inappropriate Sinus Tachycardia (fancy term for "we dont know what's going on cause there's no physical trigger for this but, you need heart med bc it cant keep happening like this and we need to protect your Cardiovascular System")

[Agora1 in reply to Legends22]

Hi Legends22, reading over your responses has opened up more avenues of possibilities as to what you are going through. I am not a doctor and can only rely on my own experiences that are related to yours.

There was a time, like yourself that I suffered from tachycardia as well as skipped beats which seemed to happen after eating. The full stomach pushing up on my heart prompted the irregular beats. When I was put on propranolol for a short time, it only prompted me to feel worse. So lethargic, so dizzy that I literally had to crawl rather than stand up straight. B/p was going too low on that medication. Dehydration plays a large part with the heart action. I was diagnosed with Mitral Valve Prolapse a syndrome that has been closely related to Anxiety as well as Fibromyalgia. I had a team of specialists that looked over me including a Cardiologist, Internist, Neurologist, Gynecologist, Gastroenterologist and a Rheumatologist. Add to that a Psychiatrist and Therapist. And yet I cried and napped every day.

So this doesn't get any longer, know that there are answers out there and don't give up. I'll end by saying going to a teaching hospital like b1 suggested is a good way to get some of these answers. And last but certainly not least, know that how we think and perceive our physical symptoms can certainly play into the way we feel daily.

Please keep us updated on your progress. Never give up, an amazing life can be waiting for you just around the corner as it did for me. Believe in that xx

[Legends22 in reply to Agora1]

Thank you! I appreciate your warm words of comfort and support.I've been feeling better lately but its still a struggle. From propranolol I was changed to Cardizem and it was worse! I only took it for a few days but I couldnt handle the mayor lightheadedness, strong fatigue, strong anxiety, blurry vision, and the occasional tachycardia (it didn't do much for that). So, I tapered myself off Cardizem, gradually. I'm monitoring my bp and going to all doc appointments bc I know this is serious issue. I'm not suggesting going off meds like I did, please don't. Always consult your doctor. In my case it was a decision that my cardiologist said it was an option and to notify him if it it did happen.

My next Cardiologist appointment is soon, so I'll keep y'all posted.

[Agora1 in reply to Legends22]

Please do and I wish you well. xx

[Moonira]

I feel so much for you... I feel your pain and am so very sorry you haven't yet found all your answers...but there are answers and solutions. b1b1b1 and Agora have both brought up excellent points. Can you think of what happened on or about February that might explain the horrible anxiety you feel? Have your doctors run the full battery of tests, blood work etc. to rule out thyroid, fibromyalgia, diabetes etc.....Also in the interim if you can go for walks however short or long they will help. I don't know if you've ever hear heard of Dr. Claire Weekes, she is now deceased, but look her up on U Tube. I found just listening to what she had to say on anxiety helpful. Also try meditation.....deep breathing, again on U Tube, wonderful free meditations offered by many...I love the Mindful Movement ones....DON'T GIVE UP....if you feel desperate call your free hotlines. I live in Canada. In my province you call 811 and can speak with trained social workers who have been of great comfort to me in times of great despair. I suffer from MDD, GAD and PTSD. I have good periods and bad ones oh and before I sign off I say my Serenity Prayer softly and slowly while deeply breathing. It's nor 1 answer but many. See what works for you. I am on meds and have an amazing psychiatrist....it took years to find him. He believes in happy lights, meditation etc not just meds. God bless you on your journey back to wellness....your answer IS OUT THERE/WITHIN YOU etc....just be patient with yourself, kind to yourself, love yourself.

[Legends22 in reply to Moonira]

Thank u for your kind words. I teared up.Yes, I've had all battery of tests and blood work done. I was diagnosed with GAD (2016), MS (2018), Functional Dyspepsia (2021) and now Early Onset Asthma* (2022) and IST (2022)

*The pneumologist couldn't confirm if it was caused only by the cardiac med propranolol bc he believes I had a possible predisposition and the propranolol just activated it faster.

I've been ill most of my life but the diagnoses came later, as in recent years, yet, this particular set of symptoms and anxiety has been a real horrible experience. I just dont know why this is happening or what caused it, and it makes me question my sanity to be honest 😞

Even the MS as horrible as it is, I feel calm with it. It hasn't been a picnic, but I have learned to live with it. So, I don't know why I'm so very shaken now.

I've done mindfulness exercises, breathing exercises, called my local mental health line, been to anxiety help programs, spent more time with my fav hobbies and loved ones (bc my psychologist said I was showing signs of "loosing myself and my fav interests so I should fight it and not let it control me") and spent hours in prayer and Faith Based Devotionals.

Thank you for reminding me of these simple truths:

"God bless you on your journey back to wellness....your answer IS OUT THERE/WITHIN YOU etc....just be patient with yourself, kind to yourself, love yourself"

It means alot to me.

[silentdreamer20]

I have lived with depression, anxiety, since I was in my early teens, and lived through abuse leading to PTSD. It seems hard for Doctor's to look past psychological conditions to see what else could be going on. I got really sick over a decade ago and it was like pulling teeth to get anyone to take me seriously. I had doctors know something was wrong, but because they couldn't find the answers they kept saying a psychologist would "fix me up". Turns out, I had a multitude of health conditions. Every time I get any form of infection I lose weight rapidly, and then it takes me years to gain anything back. I have been accused of having eating disorders from doctors and even threatened to have me hospitalized to make me gain weight. Turns out, I have Lupus and that's what's been going on. You know your body. Yes, anxiety and depression can make us feel like crap, but when it is way more than that, there's something else going on and you have to be your own advocate. I am finally on the appropriate treatment and feel the best I have felt in 6 years, and I am FINALLY gaining weight. I have so much trauma from some medical professionals brushing me aside and leaving me feeling like I had no hope at all. Please, don't give up on finding answers. I even went to another state to find answers because, at one point, they left me no other choice.

[Legends22 in reply to silentdreamer20]

Sorry you went thru so much. I can relate. Sending you a gentle hug and also celebrating along side you. I'm happy to hear you are finally feeling alot better and you are on your way. I like your username, in a way were all silent dreamers. I have to admit I'm also frustrated for leaving my dreams locked up, but now I'm hoping I can reclaim them- permanently. No more holding on to them to then letting go again. From one warrior to another, I'm proud of you! Keep going!

[silentdreamer20 in reply to Legends22]

Thank you, so much! We can't ever give up on ourselves... Even when we feel like there's nothing left to fight with or for. We are fighters and we can do this! If one Dr won't listen, find another one. We pay them, hire them. 💜

[Taylormidnights]

Oh trust me I'm in the same boat as well try being patient with yourself and therapy can definly help and medication if u want talk u can message me privately

[Legends22 in reply to Taylormidnights]

Thank you for your reply. Sadly, my journey has had even more turns since this post. But, the repiles written here give me a much needed sense of acknowledgement. I'm sorry you're going thru this as well. I pray you find new strength and the answers you need. Cheering you on.

[Adamj]

I seen myself in this post I feel almost exactly the same since the beginning of march weird anxiety and panic that feels different then ever before now it’s turned into severe depression anxiety panic weird symptoms and sensations doctors just keep saying anxiety. Feel free to message me maybe we could try and help each other

[Legends22 in reply to Adamj]

Hello. Thanks for taking the time to reply to my post. Unfortunately, I haven't had a smooth journey since this was posted. Sorry for the late response. I am also sorry for what your experiencing, I wouldn't wish this on anyone. Please know I am proud of you. Proud that you had the courage to express yourself and be present as you are. To have empathy towards others is truly valuable. I pray you experience peace and healing. I believe we can get thru this, God will show us how.