Feeling numb, empty, and confused

[lavender212]

hey guys. last month was a crazy month. I was in the hospital for serotonin syndrome caused by my lexapro and I had to immediately stop. then, I lost a family member due to a car accident.

I don't know if any of this is related to last months events but every day I have been feeling either too much or nothing at all. I can't understand myself and my thoughts yet I am overly self-aware of them at the same time. My mind feels as if it is running haywire and I can't grasp onto a single thought. I have been feeling extremely demotivated and dissociated from myself and my life. These feelings normally hit harder when I am by myself.

I recently had a dream that I was having suicidal thoughts and committed. It was quite alarming to me because I don't have those urges anymore nor do I want to die. I want to stay alive and actually fear death. I have been having vivid nightmares and can never remember them when I wake up but the lingering feeling of fear remains. These nightmares normally happen when I sleep alone as well.

I simply want to live my live not just be alive but I feel like I'm being dragged down by a heavy weight. I have no urge to hangout with my friends, reach out to them, etc. Yet I feel so guilty for not doing so because I know they need assistance for their mental stability as well. But I know once I give part of myself to my friends/peers, I will lose touch with myself and my wellbeing and completely neglect myself.

I don't know what this means. Has anyone felt any of this? Any advice/tips?

I'm sorry for having so many random statements at once. I hope this was easy to understand. Thank you guys <3

[Sarah0816]

Hi there, sorry to hear about your hospital stay. I'm currently on Lexapro 3 weeks now trying to battle thru. I get how your feeling I've been that way too. I feel like I'm just alive but not enjoying anything. I want to be myself again. Try and keep fighting it will get better. Talking and spending time with someone has helped me. Have you tried reaching out to a friend and letting them know how you feel

[lavender212 in reply to Sarah0816]

Thank you for your reply I really appreciate it. I have not reached out to a friend. I don't want to put my problems onto my friends and would feel guilty so I normally keep it to myself. But that probably isn't the best thing for me to do so I will definitely try reaching out to my friend.

[Sarah0816 in reply to lavender212]

We are all here to talk as well 😊

[live-2021]

I am sorry you are having such a hard time. I know most people say this, but I am currently going through this also. Having someone to talk to helps. Unfortunately I do not have anyone, so if you're interested I'm here to talk.

[lavender212 in reply to live-2021]

Thank you for your reply it means a lot to me. I would love to talk to you. It would definitely benefit the both of us and hopefully make this a bit lighter for us <3

[live-2021 in reply to lavender212]

My phone isn't notifying when I get answers, that's why it's taken so long to reply. Idk how we can chat another way. Do you?

[Daveacr1959]

Stay with the drs they may have a different medicine. I take klonopin and a beta blocker. I also get 30-45 minutes of daily cardio exercise to produce endorphins that battle your anxiety and depression. A jog or brisk walk hike . You tube has aerobics or jogging or walking in place. Resistance bands weight training too. Something I started 2 months ago that is a game changer. You tube has this too. Wim Hof breathing exercises twice daily. And cold shower or bath twice daily. 60-68 degrees is a good temperature to start at. Keep fighting! It will get better!

[lavender212 in reply to Daveacr1959]

I really needed this advice thank you so much. I have been so desperate for a positive shift/change and didn’t know where to start. I will start incorporating those into my day. I’ve never heard of Wim Hof breathing exercises so I’m pretty excited to try it out.