Depressed

[BrownEyesBlue]

The old familiar feeling of being sad and down and out for the count. Honestly it feels like I’m broken. It’s bad enough dealing with my everyday anxieties and depression and what seems like an endless list of things to worry and stress about, then here comes a blast from the past.

I haven’t had any luck at all with love. My first love cheated; my next 2 were abusive. In amongst this were short term “dating” relationships. One of which I think really damaged me more than I realized. I REALLY liked this guy. Like, would have moved, done anything for him. And he seemed to reciprocate those feelings. I went out of my way to do things he asked. He worked away so a lot of our “relationship” was online. We’d met for coffee; had gone for a drive; everything seemed ok. Then I went to his place one night and I wish I had never stepped foot in his home.

We had a couple drinks. His brother in law dropped by and left after a little while. Things seemed ok. He’s a sports lover so he was watching hockey. One thing lead to another and it was a HORRIBLE experience for me. I felt so used and unworthy after that. He NEVER kissed me. Not once. And was rude afterwards. It traumatized me. I reached out to him afterwards and even I’ll admit I was pretty unbearable; I was hurt.

He recently reached out to me again and stupid me fell for his words and same old song. Now I feel so hurt again. He told me he wanted to meet up and talk again. Then, again, he ghosted me. When he did message me He told me that we are friends, repeatedly, as though I couldn’t understand that concept ; told me I wasn’t ready for a bf; and overall made me feel like crap again.

I’m really hurt and depressed with this. It’s like it triggered me. I fell hard for someone who just got what he wanted and disregarded my feelings as though they meant nothing.

I’m sorry this is long or inappropriate; I didn’t intend for that. Apparently I talk/say too much too 🤷🏻‍♀️

I’m feeling really broken and don’t know how to deal with this. I find myself still wanting to reach out to him even though I know it means more heartache. What is wrong with me?😭😓

[leaningonjesus]

hey there... im no relationship expert lord knows ive had my share of crap ones BUT something that comes to my mind to share is, if you get a chance, look up trauma bonding. Alot of great videos and material on this. Wondering if that is some of what is going on deep within your soul... thoughts with you tonight🙏🏻

[Mamatired in reply to leaningonjesus]

Very interesting. I’ve never heard of the concept of trauma bonding. I’m going to look into it myself. I’m sorry to hear about your difficult situation BrownEyes. Please be kind to yourself, it will get easier. Some people are scummy and it’s better that you’re not with someone who isn’t nice to you and considerate of your feelings. Maybe it’s a blessing in disguise.

[Mumma_h]

Hi BrownEyesBl, this person is a creep!!!! A user !!!! And has no morals or regard for women!!! You deserve to be liked and loved and respected!! Not to be kept on a string and then used at his convenience. I stayed with my mentally abusive husband for 20 years , I was nothing to him st all , even after 4 children and a long marriage he dumped me like a rag . I blamed myself because I stayed , thought oh well if I chose to stay then it’s my fault. I ended up terrified of him , he manipulated me constantly humiliated me and by the time he left I was absolutely emotionally destroyed!!!!!! I’m starting to confront the abuse recently, and I read on health line about trauma bonding and I thought omg goodness, that’s me!!!! I thought I couldn’t live without him and would rather be used than have him leave me . Yes my case is extreme but the heart break and the emotional turmoil is still very very painful . Always know you deserve respect!!! And people like this WILL never give it to you. If you’ve been hurt before of have low self esteem you will be vulnerable to people like this and they smell it a mile away . Look up trauma bonding,as I said it’s more extreme , but to me it explains why some of us women fall for these kind of people . You deserve so much better!!!!!

[BrownEyesBlue]

I will look up trauma bonding. I’ve never heard of it. And thank you all for the replies; it means a lot ❤️

[RecreateMyself]

Hi, don’t blame yourself- just learn from the experience and don’t repeat it. I would never speak to that guy ever again….block his number and on social media. You have learned that he will do the same thing over and over and it makes u feel like crap. Find a new man and do not repeat your previous mistake…. If u know what I mean… make them wait and respect u before u move forward. It’s ok and don’t blame yourself for wanting to be loved. That wasn’t love and u had to learn the hard way. Make plans with new guys doing things and not going to their house right away. Do for dinner, dancing, etc…. This way they don’t have the ability to make a move like that…. Get to know yourself and love yourself and decide what u will and won’t put up with. If u allow a guy to treat u bad they will…. There are a lot of good guys out there and unfortunately u met a bad apple. Don’t spend another minute beating yourself up for what happened…. Stand up for yourself and move on in the way u want to be treated and block that guy from your life. You learned what u don’t want… hugs! Feel better and show yourself some compassion. Take care.

[BrownEyesBlue in reply to RecreateMyself]

Thank you ❤️ I’ve been debating if I should get everything off my chest in a message to him and just block and delete and let it go. I don’t know if I should or not.......

“Don’t blame yourself for wanting to be loved”. ❤️❤️❤️Thank you!

[Sprinkle1 in reply to BrownEyesBlue]

Yes get it off your chest, and I agree with RecreateMyself, there is nothing wrong with you, he is the creep, a user. Tell him in an email if it will help you, and be sure and block him in anyway. Dating, is not easy, been there, also had 3 bad marriages, stopped dating. There is nothing wrong with wanting a male in your life, to be loved , cared about and respected. I have been single for 27 years, and racking up the years. I have met a man online by accident, we have been talking in emails and on the phone. We had a couple of rough spots, worked our way thru them, and are now in a caring relationship. I am thrilled and feel safe as I am here in US he is in UK. Once covid clears up he will come and visit me, then we will see where it goes from there. Please love yourself, believe in yourself, respect yourself, then you won't put up with nonsense from Anyone. Be your own best friend, do not be a door mat, or a pleaser, come and talk to us, we love you and will give you support & encouragement. I send you love, peace and big hugs........

[Hidden]

Theres nothing wrong with you. Youre just feeling attached as you trusted him. Give yourself time away to detach. Your feelings will change. Sorry youve been feeling so bad.

[Marshall64]

You are asking what is wrong with you but you should be asking what is wrong with that guy. He isn't treating you the way you or anyone else should be treated.