New at this and really worried

Hi everyone, I am very new at this but figured it was worth a shot. My boyfriend of a few years has been battling with severe anxiety, depression and OCD. A couple of years ago he tried to take his life, so his mom and I agreed to have him involuntarily committed to a mental hospital, but it seemed to make him worse. He felt unsafe because part of his issue is worrying that something is going to happen to his family. When he came home he seemed more on edge and he told me that he didn't feel less like he would harm himself but that he had to get out of there. He has been on medication and he was seeing a therapist for a while, but we determined that he wasn't ready to actually move forward and that he wasn't getting anything out of the therapy for the time being, but he seemed to not be suicidal anymore.

This past week though he ended up cutting me when I got in the way of him trying to kill himself. He felt really bad about it and we got him calmed down, but I am worried about leaving him alone for any period of time. We are trying to get an appointment with a new psychiatrist because the one he had seen is no longer practicing, but we can't get an appointment anytime soon and he is terrified to have to be in a mental hospital again.

I don't know what the best course of action is, so if anyone has any suggestions that would be awesome.

15 Replies

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  • Iv had anxiety for 10 years he will be fine I tried killing my self many times when I got put the right meds of doctor I finally came through the fog good luck

  • Hi,ive been in a mental hospital for over 3 weeks.for ,1 it's very scary cause people in there are running around some looked so drugged up you don't know your room mate and that alone is enough.alot of these places you come worse,each state,counry have behavior health centers it's the same as going to a private dr.most have another word in front of behavior,our is serenity behavior health,most can see you right away ours has a hospital in the back if anytime heshould need it if no insurance it goes by a sliding scale some have a pharmacy there to.its very sad that he's been seeing this Dr and he she should have gotten in under control by at least the 3 visit and they should have arranged for another dr to see him the meds he's on are not right or need to be stronger I know his pain I had a blackout for 3 days cut my arm up jumped on my neice,jumped on 2 cops,my sis. I didn't even know it it was due to a side effect from meds.but yes he does need help now you are all in danger don't wait till he does cut stop it now I'm truly sorry for what your dealing with but PLEASE help when a person like that cuts you ,you need to stop and tell yourself he's gonna kill us himself or someone and be in prison for life.hes asking for help just in ANOTHER way keep us posted sorry so long. U do what's best not want he wants!!!God Bless

  • Hi, I definitely agree with Gamema.

    What medication is he currently on? Why type of therapy was he receiving? If his previous psych is no longer practicing then who has he been seeing? Just the docs in the hospital?

    Does he have a pet? A dog or cat he hold on to and release some of his feelings to? What are or were his interests? Try introducing them to him again, in small very small increments.

    Are you sure it is only depression and anxiety? It sounds lile there might be a schizophrenia in there.

    If he is still posing as a harm to you, him or his mom, and you are at wits end, take him to emerge. They will sedate him and hold him there until a safe exit strategy has been established and he is no longer a threat of harm. He might get released into your care or the care of another mental ward.

    I feel for you

    Hugs

  • He is currently taking citalopram, but it obviously isn't working well enough. The therapist he was seeing seemed to only be focusing on one small piece of his depression, and it didn't seem like he was getting anywhere. He has so much anxiety that he is just scared to take a step in any direction so it is just me and his mom dragging him along, so he isn't putting forth much effort to get better.

    We do have 2 kittens and I think it helps a little, but I would love to get him a dog. He also really likes the ocean and everything related to it so we are working on incorporating it again.

    I am not totally sure on the schizophrenia, but I know he has only been diagnosed with depression, anxiety and OCD.

    Thank you so much for your reply and if there is anything I can do for you please let me know

  • did you research this med because alot of meds for what he has will cause these side effects.his Dr must have been plain stupid for what your saying he has I have and alot more I can't take any norotripacycle but I've tried so many time you see him act different stop the med call the Dr.well this is. What I've been told to do cause the side effects can get worse ,I take effexor this is very good I know alot of pep on it I take buspar,tompax,lamotrigine, and colozapam only as needed but I take high doses cause I've been on them so long these work best for me. but until a Dr can get him under control he needs to be where he can't hurt anyone,I'm sure it would be very sad to know you or his mom could do something and didn't and he cuts for the last time his mind is in a battle it says go ahead cut yourself no-one cares if you die and in a few min it says no don't do. that look who you will hurt and it's goes at times back and forth. I'm sorry but if you OR his mom don't stop he's not gonna make it without help when he does it call 911 the hospital should seek out help for him I will talk to you anytime.he mayn't hurt any of you could be someone outside the home you are reaching out for help do what's best.911 will do what's best for him when they come tell them he's tried to kill himself,and he's cut you he was under a doctors care but the Dr left and he needs help now if he fights them they might call the cops if they don't come you just step back let them do there jobs he will get help but if he sees u upset it could set him off and he can a real danger just say why called any meds he's on give to them but do you agree he needs help. I'm tell you what he really needs now is a nerve pill clams him down fast but now he needs a shot or two of adavaint and help.

  • Me again the OCD,will drive you crazy,has anything changed? For you guys I sure hope so,i hope he has been able to see a Dr.by now and a real Dr.because I'm pretty sure if he has you guys know by now more about what's wrong with him and omg for You and his Poor Mom! I hope he has found something that helps him feel better and balance out. But watch him dr are trying to push all this new med and I've had no luck nor has anyone I know I went on a 3 day blackout cut my wrist wide open,jumped on my sis,my nice,and the cops.i had no clue about any of it!! I felt so bad when I was told.it was from I was put on lunsta did no good I was taken right off and put right on latuda, the really sad part my OWN BLOOD FAMILY turned there backs on me and my sister tried her best to get the cops to make me get out take me to a shelter,it was a mess and I was paying rent and bills and food,my son came and got me!! I feel so much better back with my son and his baby.that was June all of my family in FL have not even called or anything,except my niece she loves and misses me.he has you and his mom learn all you can about what is wrong with him,research his meds,put his meds in a weekly pill case, until you know he's OK on it all and sorry but alot of these meds the #1 side effect is suicide. keep all of it put away except the caves! And in his wallet always make sure he carries a paper w info of him his dr,er contact,d.o.b. list what he has: what he can't take, list what he's allergic to first ( highlight)!!! what he is taking now ,how,when,and mg.anything you think anyone should know!! I'm getting a Medical RX Bracelet,and have engraved that I have Mental Health Problems, E.R. Contact! and any other serious problems.this way IF THE COPS,A WRECK,ETC.so this way if he can't speak they can read it.it would be good good to list at the end see paper in wallet!! I think all of us should do this you never know.and with that and the paper on you you should be good. There's so many people if stopped by the cops act like they have Mental illness so it makes it hard on us. If your still there God Bless You!! He's very lucky to have you!!!

  • I'm so sorry to hear about this, I can understand how frightened both of you are, and I'm glad you shared this with us. It's defintely good that you are seeking a new psychiatrist, but if you're having trouble scheduling, you might want to try some reaching out to a few others. Have you contacted any other friends or family that might be seeing therapists? A lot of times, if you explain the situation, they can help you get an appointment with their mental health provider so that you can get the treatment you need sooner. You can also try using the "Find A Therapist" at treatment.adaa.org/

  • All of these people have suggested great ideas. There are mental recovery centers, rather than hospitals, so it doesn't seem so "one flew over the cuckoo's nest" kind of scary whenever he needs to be inpatient. Hopefully the find a therapist link above also has links to psychiatrists; if not, it's important to find a psychiatrist soon. Both talk therapy (counseling) and psychiatry would be a good way to go. Also support groups. In the U.S. the DBSA (Depression and Bipolar Support Alliance) has free support meetings (I think they still do), and they are also for caregivers/friends and family. It's nice of you to hang in there with him. Take care of yourself as well.

  • Thank you all so much for replying, I don't know why I didn't think of joining some sort of support group earlier, just reading what everyone said makes me feel a lot more hopeful that we can get through it. If you don't mind me asking I am a little scared myself to have him committed anywhere because I am worried he will be mad at me and feel like I betrayed him, I know it is the right move and will have to do it anyway to ensure everyone's safety, but when it's all said and done do you think he will be grateful that I did it?

  • Yes!

    When he gets the proper help AND onto the right medication, he will be of a clearer and rational mind to see all the efforts you and his mom did, were for HIS benefit.

    Citlopram isnt the one for him, obviously.

    One of the issues with anti-depressants is that often, the side effects of these meds are the same thing they are suppose to be treating. For example....agitation, lethargy, weight gain or loss (most depressed people have issues with weigt).

    drugs.com › ... › Citalopram

    Google citalopram side effects and you will see the list of possible common, uncommon and not reported yet but plausible side effects.

    I was on it and found that it did not do me much good. I also tried effexor. That made me REALLY angry and full of rage. That was when i decided to manage my depression on my own through mind over matter however, I dont believe i was as bad off as your boyfriend seems to be.

    Hugs

  • It is so difficult to feel caught in the middle between needing treatment and not being able to find the right treatment. Please do not give up! I found that when I was not willing to settle and kept looking for the right providers, I was in the end, able to find professionals who made my life much better because they listened to my feedback, cared about what I experienced and were willing to try new things. Help your boyfriend by getting him to remind himself of all the reasons to live, including your wish to see him alive :)

  • Hi. I've read the other replies and there are some very good ideas & suggestions.

    It may be very difficult for your boyfriend to relate to anyone, he may feel isolated & alone (although he clearly isn't). Maybe get him to read some posts by others, not yours (he may feel betrayed - not logical I know). If he sees he is not alone in his fears, it may help calm him.

    He is lucky to have you & his mum, albeit he may not understand that just now.

    Where do you live?

    I ask because there could be more specific suggestions I could provide.

    Stay strong, God bless.

    Catherine.

  • I think I will try to get him to read some of the posts on here because honestly it made me feel good knowing that everyone is so nice and helpful.

    And we live in San Diego CA. I really appreciate your help!

  • Hi.

    I live in Scotland, so unfortunately I don't have any useful practical suggestions. We have a National Health Service (NHS) which is quite different from the U.S.

    I have been attending a psychiatrist for 4 years now, for anxiety, depression & grief. I also saw a psychologist, I personally have found the psychiatrist more helpful. I was prescribed different anti depressants then finally found 1 that works & has fewest side effects, for me. I'm on Sertraline.

    Perhaps a change of meds might help. But you should know that there can be issues with trying new meds, not least the time factor. I always had to be on any anti depressant for a minimum of 6 weeks to know if it was effective or not.

    Best wishes, Catherine.

  • We just got him started on a different medication, so we will have to wait a little while to see how that works for him, but so far it seems to be at least making him feel different, so hopefully that will help.

    Thank you

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