Anxiety and Depression Support
21,830 members19,692 posts

Depressed

Hi. I'm glad I found this site. I have been in bed for months. Obviously, I get out and do a few things, but the bare minimum. I am very withdrawn and not even in the mood to type. I have great kids (older) husband and material things. I don't know what happened. Hormones, it doesn't matter. Nothing is good anymore and I have reached a point that I don't show up for appts or take care of myself anymore. I can't get a walk in. It's just so hard. I'm on anti-depressants and scheduled for therapy if I even make it. I feel like my husband doesn't even love me anymore. He's so use to me being depressed, he just goes out without me rather than helping me, and I know he's not a cheater. Parties, tripes, you name it. Is that right of him? I'd be by his side taking him for help (hospital) anything. Not at a Labor Day party without his wife. Thanks

25 Replies
oldestnewest

Hi Breath4 and welcome to the community!

I am sorry you are struggling with depression. I think most of us here have experienced it at one point or another. There are plenty of people here to give you support and advice.

In answer to your question about your husband: I do think he should go out and try to enjoy life from time to time. I know that's not what you want to hear. He needs to breath because your mental health issues can drain him too. Depression is difficult for you and for him. It is especially difficult for him if he doesn't understand it. Maybe your husband could join the therapy sessions so that he can begin to understand what's going on. Maybe he can learn how to support you and help you actively practice the therapy at home.

1 like
Reply

I started watching the YouTube channel. Thank you so much! I hope it helps. I've been in bed since 3 pm yesterday. Up at 4am and ready to go back to sleep. This stinks but I need to fight back because know one else will do it for me. I swear I can die in this bed and my husband wouldn't know it. He's a great man. I just don't get it in this situation. He'd rather be enjoying himself than to guide me and I think his help would make a difference. I know I'm not a baby but I am starting to wonder if my marriage is the culprit. I've never thought this in my life. God help me. I don't know why I'm so depressed. I hate when I see people doing things and I'm inside feeling old and ugly:( I'm such a loser.

1 like
Reply

I am glad you are watching the YouTube channel that Lynnalice suggested! That is a great start.

Most men aren't wired the way we are. They don't have that nurturing instinct that we have but it doesn't mean they don't care. Start talking to him a bit. Let him see you out of bed, cleaned up , and put his favorite fragrance on. Let him see that you are trying to help yourself. You have to start somewhere.

Reply

Ugh. I do. I'm a very nurturing person. I don't want to reveal my identity so I can't say a lot. I forgot about the part of men being wired differently. lol I am trying to get out of myself and help others, but right now I can't even seem to help myself. I don't want to be self-centered at all. It's just that I feel when someone needs something my husband is there for them. He's really a wonderful man but in this situation, I'm miserable and I think I'm making him miserable as well. You see, I can't give my identity away but we have a few homes. So he is at the one enjoying Labor Day and I chose to stay back. He's with our family while I told him I'd concentrate on myself this weekend. I'm not getting far and now I'm arguing with him because he left without caring about me. Omg I sound like a child.

Reply

Since you told your husband that you decided to stay home and work on yourself, really work on yourself. I think it is great that you are reaching out to people in this community. Try to take it a step further. Maybe you could do something to surprise the family when they return. You really don't have to go all out. They aren't expecting anything, so do something different. I know you are feeling tired but you have plenty of time.

Reply

Hi, you may find videos by Douglas Bloch on YouTube helpful. Have you ever been admitted to a psychiatric hospital?

1 like
Reply

Thank you for the replies. I have not been admitted to a hospital. I'm not suicidal. But I am getting worse with depression. If I can just get out and socialize like everyone tells me to to do, ii would. It's hard. When I know of an upcoming event I get very anxious and want to go find the prettiest dress and be certain the outside looks great when the inside isn't. It's come to a point I don't have the energy. People will start catching on when I'm NEVER OUT with my kids and husband and are always told I'm sick, when they ask. I think I am getting bed sores. Is that even possible? I vacuumed and did laundry today. Not like I'm here 24/7 but I do sleep at least 14 hrs a day. :( pretty pathetic. Please help me to help myself! What did you do to get your life back?

Reply

Try setting very small goals for yourself. Example:

1) I am going to get out of bed, bathe, comb my hair, put on something nice to lounge in ( no sweats or old worn out clothes) and sit in the family room during the hours that I am awake.

Family needs to see you out of bed. Be present in their lives during the time that you are awake.

Do this every single day even when you don't want to. Yes, I know you don't want to do it at all.

2) Sit outside in the backyard for a while.

Use sensory smoothing techniques such as listening to your favorite music while you clean, cook or whenever. Essential oils for your sense of smell. Hey, put on your favorite perfume.

2 likes
Reply

How about music? Love, peace, light, joy & hugs!

1 like
Reply

I hope it will be a good day:)

1 like
Reply

Are you able to take your mind to a happy place or time? I find focusing on positive really helps a lot. Love, peace, light, joy & hugs!

Reply

People underestimate the power of music sometimes.

1 like
Reply

I agree 100% I have it on most of the time, you know me I gotta have my groove on, do you have yours on? Love, peace, light, joy & hugs!!!

Reply

😀 not yet. Gonna grab a cup of bulletproof coffee in a minute and start aromatherapy. The music will take center stage after that.

1 like
Reply

Right Oh!!! Have a beautiful day! Love, peace, joy, light & hugs!!!

Reply

I agree with you. My biggest issue is just not having a desire to do anything. I've given up everything I once enjoyed. Running, shopping, decorating. When I'm asked if I want to go out I just decline. I say I'm tired. I'm very stuck. I don't know how it started or why. Losing my beauty is an issue, as I have started to age and I hate it. Looking to get injectables but I'll probably wind up cancelling that as well. I need to work on the inside and take care of myself and family. Social media tends to have me comparing myself to other woman my age. I just want to change but I find it so hard. Last night I just felt so alone and angry. It's hard to type all this emotion. I'm afraid my husband will leave me if I don't start living again!

1 like
Reply

Good morning Breathe4!

Major/ clinical depression is a complex disease. It is not your fault. A lot of environmental and physical issues depress us but the brain needs help. That is were medication comes in. Finding the right medication isn't always easy but don't give up. Therapy is important too. Make it a priority. Do it for yourself and your loved ones.

Take one step at a time. Work on feeling better and then you can do the cosmetic adjustments with a clear mind.

Please limit your time on Facebook. Maybe take a nice long break .It can be addictive. The grass is always greener in the neighbor's yard but know that the neighbor is not exempt from issues. We are all going through something.

Try to include your husband in your therapy and recovery. Talk to him. It just might bring you closer together. Let him take a break now and then. Try not to worry so much.

It will all come together. And, just know that "we got you"! 😉

Blessings my dear.

Reply

Can I ask what you do with your days? I'm in my bed with tears streaming down my face. I'm not a whack job. I know we can meet crazy people on the web. I'm just so depressed and trying to get a coach somehow to just sort of follow along until I'm in the groove again. Wish my husband would be the one to help me.

Reply

No but thanks!

Reply

Hi,your so isolated you need to get to that first drs appt if you want to help yourself ,get on different meds to help lift you from deep depression it’s a scary place and your right when it goes on too long people just write you off as sick and you become withdrawn and isolated 14 hrs sleep is deep depression make your goal a drs appt this week see Gerrerds post for today best wishes .

1 like
Reply

Welcome to the site! There are so many kind, caring people here, I'm included. I'm so sorry you are dealing with this. In my opinion I think your hubby should be there for you, maybe not all the time as you say you don't like to go out, however with that said he should be supporting you & loving you! I'm here for you. I wish for you nothing but the best. Love, peace, light, joy & hugs!!!

1 like
Reply

Thank you! Xo

1 like
Reply

My pleasure, I'll help you anyway I can! Love, peace, light, joy & hugs!!!

Reply

What do I do with my days? I'm a commoner, so I work Monday- Friday :) . When I am not at work I try to take care of myself, have family time, socialize with the wonderful people here, and avoid triggers.

I am finally managing my symptoms. You will get there.

Reply

What are triggers and how do you avoid them without judgement, if I may ask.

Reply

You may also like...