I am 67 and have been struggling with anxiety and depression all my life. I know my mom was very harsh and vented a lot of anger and rage when we didn’t do what she wanted. I know this started when I was very young.
My dad was pretty much emotionally absent, with occasional outbursts of rage. He would also denigrate anything that made him uncomfortable. I know he put me down on several occasions for the types of books I liked to read or something i picked out to wear. He never seemed to have any feelings.
I’ve been in therapy and I never really had too much to say about my dad. However, these past few days I’ve been flashing back to his demeaning remarks and how much it hurt. I realize I have been doing this to myself my whole life, though not with any real awareness. I feel so much anger and hate towards my dad (deceased). I feel like I falling apart. I am on medication and I have a psychiatrist. I just wanted to share what I’m going through in a supporting environment. I know feelings don’t last forever but it is so hard going through this.
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Hello, I can relate to what you are telling us. I give you praise for opening up. My grandmother was cruel and unkind to my Mother and her younger sister. My Grandfather was a lovely man, came home from the trenches in 1914 - wars. But he was emotionally absent, never abusive, my grandmother was the bully. I applaud you telling us of your abuse, it needs to be talked about and cleared out of your head. Please talk to your therapist and talk to us here, we will try to be of help and support. Life is difficult for most of us in different degrees, (just read the posts here)
. My Mother told me she had been incest- ed by her older brother, and had carried it around all those years, she was 66 when she told me. I as a rape victim and a learnt professional rape counselor I told her I would help her,as she was in the UK, and I was leaving for the USA, I begged her to get help. She did and it payed off, she became a volunteer in a group called "Emerge".
So please get all the help you can, and talk to us here, some of us can relate and will do our best to support you and love you.
My father had a problem, he criticized me from childhood, took away my self confidence, I grew up afraid of him, when I had been living in the US (came from England) I realized at age 23 he could not reach me!!! But as I later learnt in therapy in my 40's I continued the self denigration, my therapist (in group - we were on break), came looking for me, asked if I was OK, I said Yes (and I was) he said "I was pretty hard on you in there" I told him he turned on a light in my head. He had said "When there is no one around to punish you, you punish yourself", That is when my life changed and only for the better.
So I encourage you to continue with your progress, read some good self help books, one I read was Dr. Scott Peck "The Road Less Traveled", it was an eye opener for me it was in the top 10 best seller list for 7 years, amazon has it new/used.
I wish you well, been in your shoes, I am 77 and incredibly happy, I live alone, have no family, my close friend died last Aug. I am on Antidepressants and anti anxiety, which has me stable at this point. I need med to keep me sane!!!! So go ahead and free yourself, it takes work and can be done, I am living proof of it. I send your strength, courage, peace, love and Big Hugs.....Sprinkle.....
I did feel a bit better after putting it out there.
It sounds like you’re doing what you can. Are you on any meds?I’m 61 and I sometimes think back to my father(deceased) who was emotionally and verbally abusive. I was just as traumatized that he treated my mother this way. Some of our incidents seem as detailed as if they happened yesterday occu
You just described me. Exactly...we are on the same boat...I’m 68. Dad dead, estranged from narcissistic/toxic mother. Suffer from all kinds of psychosomatic ailments. Diagnosed with generalized anxiety disorder. Suspect borderline disorder. Medicated with antidepressants—not big help. Self improvement via reading and researching. Bitter 90% of the time. Unable to love myself and others. Series of Broken relationships. Mother of an only child who is a drug addict and incarcerated on a regular basis. My world has collapsed. Constantly hearing my father’s voice in my head calling me derogatory names. I catch myself mirroring all the things I dislike about my mother. I fell that I don’t deserve to live or be loved by anyone, including myself.
I feel sorry for you, I know to well how hurting and destructive, parents can be, I had it from my father. But I learnt to free myself, thru therapy, reading good books. One was on Forgiveness, I forgave all the people in my life that had wounded me. I did not forgive them for their sake, but for mine. I read a great book, Forgive and Forget, cannot remember the authors name. But it helped me So much. I am not bitter, cannot afford to waste my valuable time on such feelings. Thru therapy I learnt to love myself, accept myself and like myself, Wow, such blessings. I live a great life, I am single 77 no family near by, I have two cats I adore, I do volunteer work at the local library and am happy when I go to bed and when I get up. I have struggled thru my life, but the last 22 years have been wonderful except when the clinical depression/anxiety hit. I live in the moment, leave the past where it is, In the Past, I save the good memory's, I worry about nothing, I do not think about tomorrow or next week, I'll deal with them when they get here.....If I can do it, so can you, I send you strength, peace of mind, love and hugs.....Sprinkle 1.....
You have no idea how grateful I felt to receive your kind words and your “expert” advise. I lag far behind but I’m willing to follow on your footsteps. I’m so so happy to know that you overcame the hurt and that you live a fulfilled life one day at a time. That’s good advice. Thank you, again. Warm hugs.
I have been working on forgiveness too, and I know my parents had abusive parents. However, I am very committed to feeling all my feelings when they come up, and sometimes I still have a lot of anger and rage. I have been practicing mindfulness meditation for over a year, and I think this is bringing up painful emotions that I judged as bad. Thanks for sharing what has worked for you
One more thing I would like to add, anger/rage are natural feelings, and deserve to be dealt with so as to free you from suffering their affects. In therapy I learnt to vent my anger, one way I do it, is when in my car, turn the music up loud cuss and swear, people think I am singing along to the music. Another way is to beat a pillow. I went out and bought a plastic baseball bat, weighted 2/3 oz, go in my bedroom and beat my bed while cussing and yelling, as long as there is no one around to argue with you, the anger is generally gone in a min. I have not got real angry in years. Give it a try, clear out the anger, if you stuff it, it can turn into depression, that is what my therapist taught me, so I do not and I am free. If you are in an argument, leave, go for a walk or bike ride, do some gardening, the anger will disperse and the logic will come back. Hope this is of help. Sending peace, love and hugs....Sprinkle 1.....
Good to hear from you. I’m sure a lot of people have had experiences similar to mine, I just don’t get to communicate with them. Thanks for sharing.
I am 68 abused mentally, and physically by my mother . She told me she hated me because I looked like my father. Who was a diseased gambler.I had no flashbacks , or nightmares, PTSD till I was the only one to take care my father till he died. He never protected me, nor my siblings ever. When he died my mother, and siblings were cruel, and mean to me. Then I disconnected from them because the flashbacks, and nightmares started. I been though every therapy you could, they seemed to work, but then stopped. My PTSD therapist says it’s in my nervous system from a child , but didn’t show up till he died. I never felt loved by my birth family. I never loved my mother, every time she even went to put her hand on me even to touch my shoulder I’d cringe. I hope for you, and me someday, this will be the end of it for us. Try to think of the people that love you. I think of my grandchildren who are my world, and they show me so much love❤️
Such sad things happen to us by our dysfunctional parents, so sorry to read of your trauma. There is help for you. You were wise to separate yourself from your family.
Do you love and like yourself? They are great tools to setting ourselves free. Leave the past where it is, it is Past! I learnt over 20 years ago to live in the moment, it is wonderful, I only keep good memory's from the past, I live for today, min. to min. I do not think about tomorrow or next week I will deal with them when they get her.
We can free ourselves, are you a reader, a wonderful book I read 30 years ago, helped me by, Dr. Scott Peck "The Road Less Traveled" I know Amazon has it new/used, unfortunately I lent my copy out and it was not returned to me!!!!Be good to yourself, know you are special and lovable, find ways to keep yourself busy, read good books, take some classes, do volunteer work - I do and love it.
I send you love, hugs, and peace of mind.....Sprinkle 1.....
Yes I do love, and like myself. I am a good person, I was always there for everyone. Drs. Have asked me that many times, they also asked me if I did anything wrong to my abusers, or someone else on purpose. My response was I am not a perfect person, as no one else is. But I would never intentionally hurt someone. I try to think what I’m going to say to someone before I answer. My father told me one of the worse things he ever did was spoiled my brother, before he died. I would never tell my brother that if I ever wanted to see him again. ❤️( and he is a mean , selfish, arrogant , spoiled person all his life.)
Your answer does not tell me much, you are a good person, so am I, but I have suffered greatly in my life. I finally learnt to become my own best friend. Are you your own best friend? As far as your brother goes, I find spoilt people are not usually decent to be around. I have cut off all contact with one of my brothers, he has been very rude and unkind to me, so I said enough is enough. Let go of the past, live for today and enjoy your life, that is what god gives it to us for. Sending you peace, love & hugs.....Sprinkle 1.....
Oh I though you knew . I was abused mentally, and physically by my mother, while my siblings , and father watched on. But when my father was dying, he saw how spoiled his son was, and he did it. My brother was never there for him. I wanted to say something to my father, but he was dying. I’m not the kind of person that would hurt a dying person, that was never there to protect me. My brother told me I had motives to take care my father, and I did it for show. M parents left 65 million, I got 500 thousand, my siblings got the rest. I didn’t care, all I wanted was their love, and treat me like they treated my siblings, not abused.
Thank you for sharing this with us all. It must have been hard to even remember. Things seem to change for me as I have hit different stages of my life, such as 10, 15, 21, 30, 40, .... I guess new pathways in my brain or something or I process different maybe due to what’s in my life now. But now I also have different and new support. I hope you do to. A hug from someone who has been sexually abused during early to late childhood by more than one person.
My mother was physically abusive to me too. I never remember her in a good mood. When I was about 3-4 years of age, I remember her going into rages and nervous breakdowns and staying in bed neglecting me and my younger sister. She made me believe that it was my fault that she was getting so upset and I learned to internalize all my emotions out of fear of displeasing her. Then, one summer, when I was 10 years old she sent me to live with an childless aunt in a tiny appartment who was working full time and she used to lock me inside from 9-5 every single day except weekends. I felt abandoned, unwanted, scared and so embarrassed because I started bed wetting. So much more. I understand you. Hugs.
Many of us have been affected by our parents, and it took me sometime to realize that my parents weren't perfect and they may have raised us like they were raised. I chose (internally) to forgive my parents, which set me free from all the baggage. I was also molested, so believe me when I say, forgiving people was the only way I could free myself from it all. Forgiveness is a choice.
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Child abuse and elderly abuse survivor
Anxiety and Flashbacks
PTSD & Childhood trauma 
Abusive mother in law
a boring secret/ rare* childhood memory 
