Rejection

[Nairam__]

Welp I got rejected by my friend who I thought had feelings for me. While he was here he showed interest that did confuse me. Because sometimes he was cold and other times he was the opposite. We even cuddled once but that was it, literally. And he initiated everything. After he moved back I questioned myself and blame myself for everything “maybe if I did this he would have considered a long distance relationship” etc. I sent him messages wanting to get closure and basically he said he only did that for fun and didn’t want anything else. I probably ended up annoying him with me telling how I feel and how much I like him but also telling him that I wish it never happened cause it really hurts. He did say “sorry” idk why but I expected more but I guess there’s really ppl like this who just dont care how they made you feel. It’s easy for him cause he got to do that and leave and gets to start over again back in his home. While I’m left here stuck with the lingering thoughts and feelings that I just can’t get rid of. It really does hurt. I dont wish him any bad but I do believe in Karma. Because he did say he knew how I felt about him while he was here and read me like a book. He knew about my inexperience. It’s crazy how someone can make you feel so much happiness at one point and then the worst pain ever. And it was my first time being that close to a guy so the hurt is a lot worse. I hope I can be with someone who actually likes me one day.

[Shield_Of_Faith]

I'm sorry you went through that. I know maybe whatever I say won't really help but I'll try. I know different people that were in my life or my family's life who play games like that and mess with there emotions,manipulate,lie,ghost them and just down right don't care.I'm not perfect but I would never and have never played with someone's emotions. I go to bed at night wondering sometimes why bad people do what they do, it's like air to them. Like it's easy. I don't get it and I never will. I have plenty of my own issues I'm working on. But for people to play games and mess with someone or confuse them, I don't get it. I never will. Because I never want to be someone like that and I'll always keep trying to be better person. Sorry if I'm coming of to harsh on the subject but what I say and feel is true. I'm not expecting people to be perfect but just acknowledge their wrong doings no matter how big or small own up and from the heart say sorry and they do what they can to make things right. Sorry I just speak passionately on this subject because I've seen my different family members go through stuff with people "playing games". It just pisses me off a little. I hope you feel better in time! Again I'm sorry for my long post and my ramblings.

[Nairam__ in reply to Shield_Of_Faith]

No don't apologize, you're words help. I will never understand it either. I would never hurt someone like that. He was my "first love" you can say. I have never connected with someone like that before. I was so happy and yes I was obvious but can you blame me? I thought I finally found someone who cared for me and actually wanted to be with me. I keep thinking that God put him in my position but I didnt follow through and did more. But finding out in the end it was just a game to him really hurts. Now I cant stop thinking about what happened. Or what could have been. I can recall everything, all the talks, when we hung out. It's painful. I am dramatic and told him he was one of the best things thats happened to me besides the pain. I kinda regret saying that cause he doesn't really deserve it. The view I had of him is slowly crumbling. I wish I had him in front of me so I can give him a good smack because why. Sorry for my long reply too, thank you again for your words, they help.

[Shield_Of_Faith in reply to Nairam__]

I understand. I know will find someone better who deserves you. I know your going through the emotions now and I'm sorry but I know you will get through this, it will take time but I pray you feel better soon. 🙏

[Nairam__ in reply to Shield_Of_Faith]

Thank you so much.

[Midori]

He was using you, and playing games with your emotions.

Not all men are like that, but you have to be wary of those kind. You have to kiss a lot of frogs before you find your prince; and not all of us do.

Cheers, Midori

[Nairam__ in reply to Midori]

Thank you, it hurts. I wish he never started anything to begin with. I probably freaked him out with my last message anyways, but I do know there is someone out there for me. Now I just need to forget and move on.

[Arkus]

I understand how you feel. I’ve been there too. It does hurt a lot and it will take time to box in the hurt, but eventually you will be able to get on with your life a bit wiser for the experience.

[Nairam__ in reply to Arkus]

Yes it'll take time. I hate the fact that I think about it all the time and he's over it by now. I wish I had a 'Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind' moment where I can just easily forget. Thank you for your reply.

[catsrock]

I'm very sorry you are dealing with this. But you are so brave that you were honest and told him how you feel - that's hard for many people and then they regret they didn't say anything. I hope you feel better about the whole situation soon.

[Nairam__ in reply to catsrock]

Thank you, now I regret saying anything at all. But what can we do. I saw something somewhere else where it said to look at it positively and say "you were worth the pursuit" that helps a little but I still wish it never happened at all.

[catsrock in reply to Nairam__]

It's ok, but I understand that feeling very well. Some things that help me are thinking about what I would say to a friend who was in my situation and also thinking ahead to a year from now and how much will I really care by then about what happened - a lot of times, it's not much! 🙂

[Nairam__ in reply to catsrock]

Thank you, I do talk to myself about that too. I do fear I will never forget about it but I know I don't want to live like this forever. The thoughts come back in bursts. Some days I am good others, not so much.

[Midori in reply to Nairam__]

Peace will come to you, in it's own time. In the meantime, try to distract yourself by doing other things, preferably where there are others to distract you, such as in a park, or even in a supermarket, where you are too busy to dwell on the loss.

Volunteering is always a good one, a food bank, or a soup kitchen, where you see those less fortunate.

Cheers, Midori

[Nairam__ in reply to Midori]

Thank you for your words Midori, I try my best to find distractions, but I do get moments where the smallest things remind me of him. I know it'll will be hard right now since its fresh but as time goes by I'm hoping it'll hurt less.

[Midori in reply to Nairam__]

It will get better, it's just still too raw at the moment.

Cheers, Midori

[Arkus]

This quotation may help.

Lawyer Julie Yip-Williams, who was born blind, on the paradoxes of life:

"I do not have the answer to the question of why, at least not now and not in this life. But I do know that there is incredible value in pain and suffering, if you allow yourself to experience it, to cry, to feel sorrow and grief, to hurt. Walk through the fire and you will emerge on the other end, whole and stronger. I promise. You will ultimately find truth and beauty and wisdom and peace. You will understand that nothing lasts forever, not pain, or joy. You will understand that joy cannot exist without sadness. Relief cannot exist without pain. Compassion cannot exist without cruelty. Courage cannot exist without fear. Hope cannot exist without despair. Wisdom cannot exist without suffering. Gratitude cannot exist without deprivation. Paradoxes abound in this life. Living is an exercise in navigating within them.”

[Nairam__ in reply to Arkus]

Thank you for this, I appreciate it.

[Trainchaser]

Put this behind you as fast as you can. He is not worth the feelings you describe. I didn't think I would find anyone either but when I was not looking it came to me by itself. There is someone out there for you. Rick

[Nairam__ in reply to Trainchaser]

Thank you Rick. Yea I’m trying as hard as I can. I guess posting about it and talking about it doesn’t really help huh? I have so many reminders of him and I hate it. It’s hard since he was the first guy who’s ever shown that kind of interest in me.

[Trainchaser]

Getting your feelings out either by talking to someone or writing in a group like this always helps even if you don't feel it. There is something about expressing what you feel helps. And to know you are not alone is helpful

[Nairam__ in reply to Trainchaser]

Thank you. It does help getting input from others and it does help knowing I am not alone. Thank you.