50+ and Depressed

I'm new to this site as of this morning. I am searching for ways to defeat my depression. I am uninsured until January., however it's been a difficult road for me during the last few months or longer. I recently evicted my daughter and grandson out of the house for good reasons. I have been very depressed because I have lost contact with my grandson due to my decision to put my daughter out. I knew that my decision to do this would be risky in losing all contact with him. The problem was my daughter and to be honest I lost totaled control of my household years ago. I was denial of what was truly happening before my eyes. My daughter is bi polar and depressed, she has been on different medications for years. She gave birth to a son at 14 years old. Her son was born with a severe heart defect which require him to undergo 3 open heart surgeries before the age of 2. With her being a minor I had to make many changes in my life to care for both of them. I was present during all 3 of his surgeries. They lived with me of course and I enjoyed my grandson for 8 years until a few months ago I put them out. I have been crying a lot, because I missed my grandson. This situation was very ugly and it was unfortunate that my grandson witnessed this as well as his mother negative behavior towards me. He also picked up on that behavior towards me as well, which felt like a dagger to my heart. My grandson loves his nana so much we had a strong relationship. Unfortunately my daughter has turned him against me and telling him negative things about his nana. He knows that I put him out too and it did not go well with him. I tried reaching out to my daughter twice but received such a negative response and was told to leave her and her son alone.

So I now realized that my life must go on and hope that when he gets older he will search for me. I would like to tell him that his nana has never stopped loving him and that whatever his mom told him there is always two sides of the story and allow me to share my side.

I just signed up at a gym, so I go 3 days a week. I want to do what I can to alleviate my depression and these crying spells when I often think about my grandson. We have been together since birth so this separation is still fresh and very difficult to deal with.

I have a support system with my boyfriend, his family and my family but it's still a challenging road to travel with no left or right turn just a straight road for now.

[Rosalma]

Your situation is a bit complicated indeed. Losing some One we love is not that easy. However, this was done for the good of family. One day who knows your daughter also realise and bring grand son to meet you. There is always light at the end of the tunnel. Look for long term benefits that your daughter and grandson can have by trying to have independent life and learn how to grow strong n struggle for life.

May God bless your heart with calmness and let kind people enter in your life.

[Hidden in reply to Rosalma]

Thank you very much for your kind note and words of encouragement. I will do my best to be strong and make me happy. I will remember to always have kind and supportive people within my circle.

[Rosalma in reply to Hidden]

On a positive note, your decision of joining gym is pretty intelligent move. It will benefit your health and social circle both.

[Hidden in reply to Rosalma]

I hope so. This is my first time joining a gym and the environment is amazing with so many people who are there for many reasons. I can't believe at 53 I'm actually taking a step to improve my health in a gym. It's hard at first but my body will get used to it.

Thank you so much for your support.

[Rosalma in reply to Hidden]

Sure, you will enjoy in long term even if today you feel tired, in pain or like giving up. If one day you feel bad for any reason just remember, tomorrow is still to come, that will be a lot better than today.

[Hidden in reply to Rosalma]

I totally agree. Thank you very much. It's interesting that you spoke about feeling tired. Because I'm exhausted and sore from working on the different equipments for 1 hour. However, I will continue to push myself as I look forward to adding this new routine in my life and it helps me to stay focus and socialize more.

Thank you.

[gogogirl]

This sounds overwhelming, and I am sure it can be scary to be uninsured at over 50. Plus, you had some very difficult decisions to make. I hope your daughter gets the help she needs so that her eyes will be opened, and that one day she too will grow into a more capable person who appreciates you. May you find some calm and peace in your life.

[Hidden in reply to gogogirl]

Thank you very much for those wonderful and encouraging words. That means so much to me. You are absolutely correct that this is so overwhelming. Something I never imagine at this age in my life. I never thought that things can get worst between my daughter and myself. But I will continue to have faith that she will someday understand and appreciate the things that I have done for her and her son and the many sacrifices I made as a mother to make her life better as a teen mom.

[Lazy_dog_lover]

Sounds like you are doing everything right. No one has the true route through all of that. Going to the gym is awesome! Keep sending birthday and holiday cards to the grandson. He might get them eventually. Or keep a shoe box and keep writing them but save them until he is ready to see them. Don't worry about the crying at all. Keep chugging!

[Hidden in reply to Lazy_dog_lover]

Awww!!! Thank you so very much for your encouraging words and your recommendations about the bday cards and holidays cards as well as notes. I will definitely start doing that. That is an awesome idea, which I never thought of. Again, thank you very much.

[techguy]

Yeah I’m really sorry for the problems that you had to go through if you want to talk more hit me back

[Hidden in reply to techguy]

Thank you so much for your support.

[techguy]

It sounds like a real bitch for what you are going through but I’ve learned in life if you take each situation by itself not looking at the big picture but looking at the smaller facets of the picture and knocking them out one by one that helps accomplish the goal quicker than trying to take on the whole entire situation all at the same time

I hope that makes sense

[Hidden]

I understand. You are absolutely right. Just taking 1 situation at a time. Its very difficult as this is still fresh and my grandson means the world to me and just being deleted from his life as if I never exist is painful. How my daughter has said things to an eight year old about his nana just does not make sense. This will leave a negative impression about me with him. As he gets older, I will share my letters so that he can understand and not hold any resentment towards me. I have been with him since he was born. Taking him to doctors appointments, being there for his 3 open heart surgeries, rearranging my work schedule, watching him most of the time, so that mom can have some alone time. Unfortunately, I was doing this for my grandson but my heart got so big and I lost sight of what I was doing, which was allowing her to control my household and take advantage of my love and kindness. As time went on she was always going out without asking me to watch her son. She was doing careless things which alert me to talk with her but talking became a shouting match. She no longer care what she was doing, neglected cleaning after herself and her pets. She destroyed every item of clothes that I owned. The police was involved it was a very horrible situation.

Today, I'm glad to finally have peace and harmony in my household. But having the joyful laugh around the house with my grandson from birth will take time to adjust.

Thank you very much for reading my post.

[momonthego2019]

I can sense your hurt and your pain. In the short term things are hard but if you believe you did the right thing, than in the long term, hopefully your daughter will realize what you did was the best thing for her and the relationship with her and your grandson will be restored. Pray for your daughter and your grandson always. He is young. He doesn't understand and right now he is only getting one side of the story. Don't give up on them. If you know where they live, and you are able, maybe you can send them something on birthdays or holidays or maybe just write a letter. You don't have to do this of course and there is a chance your daughter won't except the gifts or read the letter however if you continue to show determination to never give up than maybe the grandson will start asking questions on his own and will reach out to you. I have a great relationship with my grandmother and my kids have great relationships with their grandparents. Your daughter is probably still very angry and emotional but with time I pray she will see the value in keeping in touch with you.

[Hidden in reply to momonthego2019]

Thank you very much for your kind words. You are absolutely right I am still hurting but I'm doing everything to stay positive and inspired. Reading your message has brought tears to my eyes. They are not tears of sadness but tears of joy as you totally understand and your recommendations I will give it some thought.

I am truly grateful for you taking the time to read my story. It means so much.

[Hidden in reply to momonthego2019]

I was not sure at first if I made the right decision but now I have no regrets as this drastic decision would help her to cope more in this world and take responsibility seriously as I allowed her to control my household for so long. I saw the signs but I was only focus on her well being and my grandson health and happiness. Its unfortunate that I was blinded and allow this situation to get out of control.

[Hidden in reply to momonthego2019]

Always treasure your loving relationship with your grandparents they are strong and they do so much behind the scenes that makes things amazing as well as doing amazing things with your children.

[bw333]

There is a group that can give U support for estrangement. It is called parents grieving for living children.

[Hidden in reply to bw333]

I will check into this. Thank you very much.

[mitch404]

Unfortunately, in this case your grandson comes as part of a package deal with your daughter, who’s the problem. Is there any way you can somehow meet up face to face with your grandson (maybe right after his school lets out or some other way) without your daughter ever knowing so your grandson will know how much he means to you?