Am I the only one that was isolated before the pandemic?

Hi everyone, I'm new on here.

Does anyone have tips on how to deal with loneliness in school? I'm the only one in my cohort who doesn't have any friends because I feel like people avoid me, but some acquaintances I have known for years say that it's me that's avoiding them. I have a roommate that I've lived with for a year now and we have only talked maybe ten times. I would make more of an effort but her boyfriend is with her the entire time she is home. I'm very kind in my opinion and I can be a bit stand offish but mainly in a shy way, however, I know my passion is to be connect and to help others.

Am I the only one in my early 20s who feel this alone with no friends?

[Hidden]

Hi, no you’re not the only one who lives with isolation. Some of us are just more introverted than others. I can’t really say I have any tips, what you’re dealing with is beyond my experience, can’t really imagine even having a roommate. But don’t let it get you down. Hang in there.

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

Thank you

[thara9643]

Try talking to people. Make small talk, this is the first step.

[Hidden in reply to thara9643]

Yes good first step. small talk is hard to learn but a good skill to have.

When I make “small talk” I feel like I am just reciting lines and listening for cues... it’s like a performance, an act... but it’s worth it to learn how to connect with people.

[Hidden in reply to thara9643]

Hi thara9643 It's just difficult to make small talk when I'm nervous approaching people or thinking I'll ask the wrong questions, but thank you. I think this is a good tip that I need to practice to at least get comfortable with it.

[NoNo19 in reply to Hidden]

I find that compliments always help break the ice. (Ie: love your outfit, super cute!)

People also love talking about themselves. Maybe just a random one once you break the ice (ie: do you have any pets, siblings? What classes are you taking? Man 'xyz' teacher really sucks b***s, lol.) Whatever, small chat 😉

[Hidden in reply to NoNo19]

Really good tip that I’m definitely going to build up the courage to try. Thank you!

[kittenkisses91]

I’m the same way. I don’t really have any good friends besides my family. I’m friends with some people I work with but I don’t hang out with them. It’s hard... pets definitely help, people have suggested a roommate for me but I really don’t want to have to “socialize” all the time. At least you’re not alone at home! I am beside my two cats. Going out and going shopping helps give me something to do but I know the pandemic makes that hard. I don’t have much good advice... when I don’t work or work from home I’m often bored and lonely. I’ll be interested to hear if you get any good advice!

FYI: I have social anxiety and am 28. Making friends is really hard.

[Hidden in reply to kittenkisses91]

hi @kittenkisses91 It is hard and I don't know why it's this difficult when I see others making friends easily/naturally. It's discouraging actually :/ I'll definitely consider getting a pet. I think that's a great idea if my roommates do not mind. I hope we get some good advice just to steer us in the right direction. I often hear people say our twenties will be some of the best years of our lives and go.. yikes.. hope not. lol

[Otaku12]

I was lonely way before the pandemic. I even laughed about it with my therapist that I was a pro at social distancing and staying home. I know I'm an introvert but that doesn't mean I don't want meaningful relationships, it's just really hard for me to connect to people. I also have social anxiety so that's a contributing factor, plus I have OCD and depression. The OCD is a huge factor because I don't feel comfortable eating at restaurants or staying out too late. I also don't like people coming into my home because I like it to stay pristinely clean.

The only advice I really have is maybe trying to take classes or extracurriculars in things that interest you. I find it much easier to talk to others when we enjoy the same things. Or if your school doesn't offer anything see if there are any classes in the nearby community.

My therapist told me that I probably have a hard time connecting with others because I just haven't found the right people to be friends with. Basically most of the people I've met have had totally different interests or values than me. Here's to hoping we can find others we can connect with and be friends with!

[kittenkisses91 in reply to Otaku12]

Classes are a good idea! I’ve taken some classes through community education. They gave me something to do and some people to do it with. They are offering virtual classes right now.

[Hidden]

Even though I am not in my 20s and older, I still remember how I felt as though it was yesterday. I felt the same way. I know 1 of my nieces feels that way. I still feel that way. Do you think you know why you feel alone....I know when I was in my 20s, it was hard to connect with people, because they at college, moved to a different state, or had a boyfriend. It can be hard to make a group of friends in your 20s depending on where you are in your life.