Hi everyone! I hope you all are okay and hangin' in there!
So, I wonder who else is maybe turning to alcohol or anything else to try to "self-medicate"?
My birth parents are both addicts/alcoholics & my birth mom told me she used while she was pregnant with me. I'm unsure if I have what one might call an "addictive personality" or if my birth parents could have "passed down" a propensity to abuse substances -- BUT, in any case, my **biological** parents are just the best. I'm very blessed to have been placed in my adoptive fam. They are VERY supportive & helpful.
These days my main fix (not every day) but often, is just plain beer(s). Sometimes I sneak alcohol into my house. Instinct tells me that isn't good.
I mean, alcohol takes the edge off (for a while)!!!! But I'm frustrated. I'm not terribly sure if I've got a real problem, or if I am developing a problem / addiction .... ?????? I don't drink till I'm drunk... if I do that, I feel like crap later!!!! I just like the way a little bit relaxes me, calms anxiety, & makes me feel good.
How much of addiction & these problems IS hereditary??? I may google that one, but if you have any info or experience, feel free to share. xxxx
OH! And as I have a real thing for beer, I've tried O'Douls (the non alky kind!!) And suffice it to say it's just Not The Same.
Any suggestions (along these lines) --- How can I refocus on healthy stuff? What can I replace this with?? I'm on 80 mg of prozac currently (+other meds) and that can't be good with booze.
If you haven't got specific advice, that's fine! Can i just hear your experiences or something?
I've heard that alcohol itself is a depressant. I don't blame you for wanting to take the "edge" off your anxiety, but so many people on this site have the dual problems of depression and alcohol or substance abuse. My advice is not to make a habit of this.
Have you tried a little exercise to get rid of that excess nervous energy?
You're such a help! Thank you! Gosh, it's been like a year or more since I've consciously exercised. Thank you so much for good advice. <3 The odd thing is that I used to do the thighmaster routine daily (ha!) and just that alone was so helpful. I think you are onto something that if I get more active, it will help. Thank you, jkl, and my best to you in whatever you go through!!!! <3
Hiya! Oh I can do relate. I go off and on having very small amounts of alcohol but at times even an occasional will get me feeling guilty because way back in the past it was a problem. Sometimes a beer or a glass of wine may seem to help and I get a break. Other times it depresses me right away and it can on rare occasion get my anxiety going later on too.
Addiction defidently runs in families. It does on my dad’s side but I don’t think my mom’s.
I wish I could be of some help to you. So sorry you are frustrated. I really don’t know if your drinking is a problem. I hope you discover what is best to you my beautiful friend.
Starrlight, you are a help just by replying & being here. Knowing that you've been thru this in your own way makes me feel less alone & just in good company (which I know I am anyway with you.) Bless you, Starrlight, for your kindness & understanding & help. (Along with your advice, I'm taking the exercise advice (once our weather un-weirds) I love to go for walks. The weather is freakish atm!!!!!! Maybe the ole thighmaster will help (OW.) Ha!!! <3 xxxx
Ha I know; the weather IS freakish. You know what else i find similar to exercise is being in nature. It can bring a certain spiritual connection that is hard to put into words and joy and peace.
Thumbs up to that. If the rain holds off tonite, I may just go for a walk. But then I love rain! May walk anyway if it rains. Love you, Starrlight!!!!! xxx
Considering that you know there is a family history dealing with addiction and your medicated, you may consider leaving the alcohol alone. I believe that some are genetically predisposed leading to an addictive personality. The last thing you want to add to the story is alcoholic. Hey if your out with your friends and you feel good, have a drink. To drink because your not feeling well that’s a recipe for disaster. Great insight though, your honest assessment about this alcohol thing is worth an applause.
I appreciate your input, rpanio! Thank you for a straightforward response. I just had a chat with my parents (biological) ---- they are super & willing to help. <3 THANK YOU RPANIO
I used alcohol to take the edge off after my identical twin sister dropped dead about 2 years ago. It pretty much got me addicted and I put on sooooo much weight. I joined WW almost a year ago, dropped 50 pounds and exercise daily now. I began by walking at the cemetery from her to my dad. It cleared my head and started my healthy journey. In the winter I do Leslie Sansone on utube. It really helps clear my head a lot.
DRMENDEZ, I'm very sorry for your loss, & I thank you for your reply/post --- I feel happy that you're better with exercise & stuff!!!! Be blessed & THANK YOU SO MUCH. xx
I too have wondered about alcoolism being hereditary. My dad was an as well as suffered from depression after being kicked out of the military. But back then I guess you just dealt with your mental issues the Best way you could manage.
Anyway, awhile ago i started noticing that I had a high tolerance for alcohol compared to the folks ariund me, like 6 or 7 beers and I always have alcohol straight. Like 3 or 4 drinks I could do and not feel drunk.
But in the past few months I've drank the same amounts, and I black out. Don't remember how I got home, what I've said to people or how crazy I acted. From what people tell me , i get angry and curse people. Which is scary, because im a nice quiet person normally.
So I've stopped drinking AS much. I do want to stop completely eventually.
Don't know if what I've rambled here answers anything you asked, but i do think my dad passed his alcoholic ways on to me. Maybe its in my mind, maybe hereditary. I just don't know for sure.
Blessings to you. And I hope you find a happy positive medium.
Much admiration for having so much insight into your own behaviours and for reaching out here. Really, this and your honesty with yourself is such a huge thing.
You're instinct is on the money - if you're being secretive about something (sneaking alcohol into the house) then it's a pretty big clue it's something you probably want to think twice about doing.
I don't know if there is an hereditary element or a genetic predisposition but I wouldn't rule it out.
My mum was an alcoholic. It was definitely a way of self medicating her depression and anxiety. When she finally stopped drinking after 20 or so years then she had to deal with the issues she was avoiding with alcohol.
Sadly she is still living with them at 75 because she doesn't have your insight and self awareness.
Me and my sibling do not have addictions to any substances, although food has been too much of a consolation to both of us. Two of my children have self medicated with weed for their anxiety and depression, it doesn't really make it better and makes both of their lives more complicated.
One of them is still struggling. The other, now in her early 20s has turned the corner and is doing much better. Exercise was a huge thing for her.
Exercise has been important for me too. I think I've self medicated with cardio, yoga and meditation.
Making or being creative can be helpful too. Your name suggests you like art. If you need to calm and you're too frazzled to do your art, you might like one of the very many colouring books that are around now. You don't have to think so hard about it and can play with different colour combinations that you wouldn't usually go for. I know a few people who find them very soothing when they're too stressed to tackle anything else.
I do paperfolding to distract myself.
Keep posting
Hi AnxiousArtist, it is probably generational. It is something you will have to deal with. It is not a good idea to even start with beer. I do not know if you believe in God but if not I would be willing to speak with you to see if you would like to receive the love of God and receive the Lord Jesus as your Savior. You will also need to pray to break generational curses. Whenever you see patterns repeat in generations it is probably what it is.
Well...I've been in recovery for a few decades now...and yes it is hereditary, just like depression and some other stuff. And if you have the 'disease', which it is a pre-disposition that we will find has either been handed down from parents, and it even skips a generation, so you may have inherited it from grandparents...or both. Alcohol is a depressant. And when you drink a couple of beers, glasses of wine, or a shot or two....you will feel a euphoria first...so you want to continue that feeling.....and if you keep drinking....it becomes a depressant for many people. There are lots and lots of opinions on what defines someone as an alcoholic. But no matter what....if you have it in the family....there is a good chance you too could have it...at that point it's a choice to drink or not.
Sadly as with any addiction or mental illness....there is so much negative stigma that many of us keep our stuff secret...we don't want to be labeled or tell someone who may throw it back in our face as a way to hurt us or knock us down. The reality is...just be honest with yourself and with others who are also honest with themselves. Every so called 'normal' person has some issue....that's the real norm....but we just protect our business from those in denial and share safely.
Here I am following fauxartist post again. It's not intentional. I was adopted at age 3. My adopted parents never drank or did drugs so you would think I would not have a problem with it either having been raised that way but I did. When I started drinking I could drink anyone under the table. Then without notice I became a sloppy drunk usually ending in blackouts. So I think I'm a good example that it runs in family's. I found my biological family back in the 80's and most of them had/have a drug or drinking problem. If you can and I know you can, be very careful around alcohol it can make things so much worse!
I don't know how to take that Jips....with a smile I guess...
I liked what you had to say...it was an interesting chronology of how addiction often is genetic. And once you know you can't control it and your life becomes un-managable...it's time to get help. Great comment.
I would leave alcohol alone, if you can. I was in recovery and I've slipped. I keep thinking alcohol will calm me and make me feel better. It's giving me a lot of anxiety and guilt. It's so difficult for me to quit, start feeling like a loser because I failed recovery. For me it's like a magnet and it has it's hold on me. One would think if I don't want to drink then I won't, but it's so strong that I drink even though I don't really want to. Don't get to that point. I'm spiritual but I don't pray. I think I need to pray before it kills me. Please be careful. <3
addiction is a monster....and unless you have it...nobody understands. Early days for me I got comment's like...'all you have to do is don't drink'....'what's the matter, can't you hold your liquor', 'your just not trying, your just weak'.,'Or ...'I don't have a problem drinking so you must just want to screw up your life drinking too much'. That's the problem....we don't have a problem at all drinking...It's stopping drinking that's a problem. And unless you walk in someones shoes who have this addiction...you have nothing to say to them. Many in our lives don't want to be around us when we are drinking. We loose family, friend, cars, houses, jobs, personal items...everything....and hit bottom. Only one way to go from there...but you have to make the choice yourself and only do it for your self....
I know the feeling User1964....I have too walked that slippery path trying to stay clean and sober....like I said....you need support...trying to do it alone is very difficult without a support group. I'm always here for you if you want to PM and talk...I don't preach big book and Dr. Bill, or any guru stuff...just plain old support.
I have the "tools" to stay sober. I was at an outpatient facility for 2 months in December. Yesterday I took the time to take inventory of myself, and set up a plan. I will not let myself get to the dark side that I went through. It's a daily struggle, but I know what I have to do. Thanks fauxartist
It's really a struggle isn't! I've been clean now for a lot of yrs but when I'd slip it would feel like I'd never get sober and my anxiety and depression would sky rocket. I was told okay you slipped. You know what to do go back and keep trying. I'll tell ya it was hit and miss for quite awhile but that part of my life is under control as long as I do what I know to do. Soo I know how you feel but go back! I'm sure their are folks that need you as well as you needing them.
I have no judgement on what people choose to do with their self medication...that's a persons own choice. I don't use cannabis oil...there is a kind now that gives you all the medical relief...but not the high. It's made from hemp...organic CBD oil. But if I had a choice to choose what medication to take if I had cancer treatment side effects, I'd go organic, none of the medications my sister used to stop her sick stomach worked...the cannabis oil is a natural medical solution to many problems. ... it's used for chronic nausea from chemo, and migraines...and more power to them if it works. I have depression....alcohol is a depressant...so it's an oxymoron for me to try and drink to help my depression. There is also a new study linking breast cancer in women who are even moderate drinkers. I'm watching the progression on this story since my sister had to battle breast cancer.
Hey AnxArt! You are preachin' to the choir, my friend! I am so glad you posted what you did. You already have great insight into your problem. I'd like to offer solutions...not sure if you're ready, but at least the seed will be planted. I will simply tell you portions of my story and then you will have another perspective in addition to all the knowledgeable posts so far. If drinking has caused unmanageability in your life; if it's gotten in the way of your plans; If you are unable to stop when you want...either for the night or for good; then you may be an alcoholic. It is, however, for you to ask yourself, "In all honesty...am I an alcoholic?". I know own that I am and I'very accepted that long ago. The next step was to do whatever was necessary to live sober.
Both of my parents are alcoholic. Due to my DNA, as well as environmental factors, ended up with the Short Straw. My sister did not. Although she had the same genes, she had healthy influences. She spent a lot of time with my grandmother, while I was raised in a chaotic, alcoholic home.
I got sober 25 years ago this summer. I should say I chose sobriety. It certainly wasn't easy, nor was my life fixed in a day. I put myself into a 30-day in-patient treatment program. I journaled everyday about my feelings and I attended AA meetings. I had been a cancer widow for one year before I got sober. My mother had died a few years earlier when she choked on vomit in her sleep. She was 52 years old. My deceased loved ones became part of my higher power.
M. It appears that you do have a higher power, so that is your 1st advantage. I found good meetings, did what those people were doing and, found a new way of life. I quit contacting my using friends and hung out with AA people. You'd be surprised at how quickly your old buddies go away when you're not contributing to their lifestyle. There might be a couple of good friends from before, but they need to be supportive of your sobriety.
I continue to go to meetings because I see what happens to those that go back out. They are welcome back with open arms and no judgement. They are a learning experience for me. I have a very healthy fear of alcohol.
About 8 years ago I started going to Al-Anon. This is a program for people whose lives have been affected by alcoholism. There are many of us that are called double winners. We are alcoholics who also go to Al-Anon meetings, which taught me how to play well with others and how to take care of myself instead of trying to make everybody else happy.
About a year or so ago I begin to lose it a bit. Depression was through the roof, anxiety with causing fear and anger in me especially at my job. I had been at the job as an excellent employee for 19 years without a ripple. What happened was that, like all other jobs, we all had to do much more with fewer employees. The job changed from being comfortable to becoming a machine and treated like a robot.
I shared with management the fact that I was having heavy mental issues. They acted very sympathetic but then began to micromanage me to the point that my doctor, who knew this was really bad for me, referred me for psychological testing. The results astounded me. My antidepressants are not working and I had several disorders including ADHD and generalized anxiety disorder. Now that I'm 60 I've decided to get mentally healthy. Go figure!
The latest change I dove into is something that I believe you can absolutely relate to. You and I are both adult children of alcoholics. Here are 13 perceptions that are observed in some, if not all, Adult Children of Alcoholics (ACOA):
We guess at what normal behavior is.
We have difficulty following a project through from beginning to end.
We lie when it would be just as easy to tell the truth.
We judge ourselves without Mercy.
We have difficulty having fun.
We take ourselves very seriously.
We have difficulty with intimate relationships.
We over reactive changes over which we have no control.
We constantly seek approval and affirmation.
We usually feel that we are different from other people.
We are super responsible or super irresponsible.
We are extremely loyal, even in the face of evidence that the loyalty is undeserved.
We are impulsive. We tend to lock ourselves into a course of action without giving serious consideration to Alternative behaviors for possible consequences. This impulsivity leads to confusion, self-loathing and loss of control over our environment. In addition we spend an excessive amount of energy cleaning up the mess.
I realize that I have gone way overboard, but that's who we are! LOL! Take care and I apologize to ALL for an impossibly long post!
exactly!..I did ACoA ACA, also one on one therapy...
Imakook you may enjoy this post I just read this morning, it's the online Washington Post story: Carolyn Hax: 'You’re never ‘too old to go for therapy’....
I agree with Carolyn. Your never to old to go to therapy or any other group, self help or professional. If I thought that was true I'd be so afraid of the outside world I'd never leave my house!
WOW! You just provided me with an awesome learning experience, fauxartist!
I recently made the decision to apply for medical disability through my pension. It was suggested to me by the human resource rep where I worked. I have a long history of major surgeries due to arthritis. I've decided this is a good idea. I've been out on short-term & now long-term disability since early October.
Both posts were very inspiring and helped me with a purpose going forward. I love how my HP works. Today he provided me with guidance through you. Thank you & God bless!
You are definitely not alone! Before I ever even was diagnosed with anxiety and depression I always would self medicate with alcohol and sex. I know that might sound odd but honestly, the combination relaxed me very much and I used to be very promiscuous and would binge drink a lot in my early 20s. I feel like I have an addictive personality too, but not sure if my problem is hereditary or not. My grandpa has depression but no one else that I know of has a huge problem with alcohol and/or any significant mental health issues. Like I said, that I know of. It could be just another family skeleton in the closet..
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<3 
I love to go for walks. The weather is freakish atm!!!!!! Maybe the ole thighmaster will help (OW.) Ha!!! <3 xxxx
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