I Know I'm Not The Only One, But I'm ... - Anxiety and Depre...

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I Know I'm Not The Only One, But I'm Lonely As Ever

Downandout123
Downandout123

It doesn't stop. It just gets worse and worse, and now that Christmas is approaching, I feel it more. I have no family left except for my daughter, who I see about once every 2 weeks. She is moving on with her life, and I don't even know if I will see her THAT often. I have one friend who lives kind of far from me and right now, I feel like I don't want to be bothered. She doesn't understand what I am going through. I've been trying to date for a very long time, but all I get is game players. It's VERY frustrating. I do have 2 dogs that are my world. 😊❤❤ The only contact I have with people is at my job. After that, that's it. Unless I am seeing my daughter or talking to her, there is no one. I DO like to be alone and always have been what I consider a loner, but it's just TOO MUCH alone time now. Winter makes it even worse. I know I'm not the first, nor definitely the last person who will write about loneliness, but it just leaves me feeling so empty.

71 Replies
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Your are not alone... I am in the same “boat” like you. The winter just makes me lonelier and allows my mind to get more depressed than the spring and summer months. Not to mention the year ending without a friend to share with.

My daughter and her husband do not even call or even a “Merry Christmas “ or Thanksgiving card! Much less my birthday gone by! So I just use this site to know that I AM NOT ALONE...,, others are here to share. That is a great help!

Thank you for your response. It's so true about the winter. I just get so closed up in this house. It drives me crazy! I'm very sorry to hear about your daughter and son-in-law. Very sad. How do you get through your days and nights?

I try to flip though magazines or scroll on my iPad. I DO NOT HEAR OR READ the news,except for the weather. The bad news get me depressed and wonder what will ever become of me in this crazy world! I go for walk to the mailbox with one of my two dogs. I often talk to my dogs about anything I FEEL or wish I could do. My dogs love me forever and when I express my lonely thoughts and feelings, my dogs just “warm” up to me. Loneliness is like a “heavy brick “ in my mind. I will not let me “crush” , so at times , I splash cool water on my face and smile when I am done drying my face!

Stay on this site ..... it’s the best ever!

I'm the same way with the news! I only watch it periodically because every time you turn it on, it's about another shooting or murder. I had 3 dogs, now I have 2. I had to give my tiny Chihuahua to my daughter because the other 2 dogs attacked her. 😔 Thank God she is fine now. At least I still get to see her. My dogs are my life. They're a handful at times, but they make me so happy.

Wow! I could have written that minus the daughter. I dont mind being alone but lately its getting to be too much. It gets dark so early, cold, holidays, and other triggers for me this time of year.

I agree-the dark and the cold just does something to me. Even though it was cold out today, I managed to get out in the backyard with my 2 dogs,for an hour, so they could have some fun. It did me some good too.

I let my girls out for about 15 minutes but sat there lost in my head while they played. Atleast they had fun. Have you looked into any Meetup groups in your area?

Yes-I belong to one meet-up group. I try to go to events whenever I can, and if they are not too far. ( I don't drive). Plus any meet-ups during the week are nearly impossible to make. How about you?

The closest meetup for me is about 1hr 45 min away. Most are in the evening and I have problems driving at night so I haven't gone to any. One is fifty and over singles which sounds fun.

The one I go to usually meets for dinner or goes to a comedy club. They go to karaoke sometimes, but it's always during the week and I can't make it. Not that I'd sing, but it would be fun to watch!

Any slim chance I would have had at one of those meetings would have been gone when I attempted my version of singing.

😂

Comedy club and dinner would be fun but karaoke..... no one wants to hear me sing! 😁

Winter time is tough. It gets dark way too early and it is too cold to do much outside. All the green vegetation is gone. I long for summer...

Spring and fall are my two favorite seasons. I can't take the heat!

Love spring. Used to love fall but I know that it means winter is coming.

I'm with ya, new to a small town, 2 good friends left 1.5 he away, daughter ink. For 14 yr., I've got a dog pal too...holiday ads begin so early, that anxiety kicks in early, to figure how or what you'll say or do. Once I get settled, I'll go volunteer at a shelter, at least I've got a place to live. Helping less fortunate, especially during the holidays I think might help me, maybe they could you too? It's a idea, being alone is very sad, I really understand you, I wish I could hug you.

Thank you. I will be with my daughter on Christmas day, but it's trying to get through all the rest of the time. I have no significant other, which makes it really hard too. Sometimes I think I'd be better off without one anyway. 🙄 I have enough problems. Don't need anymore.

Neither do I, I ask myself that all the time....when u actually u at men your age, well I don't know about you, but 4 me, I'd never go thru that whole "dating" thing again, 🤤

Well that's great that you know you definitely don't want that again, so that part about being alone doesn't bother you.

No, being without a partner is very lonely, I very much agree and understand.

Then again, sometimes the loneliness is even WORSE when the relationship is not a good one. When I was married, I felt lonely all the time because you know that it's not supposed to be that way.

I agree. I was more alone when I was married. Dating- ugh!!!! 😁

Yes I was just thinking about that! I've been trying SO HARD in the past few years to find someone right for me. It never happened. I have to ask myself why even bother to continue.

Like you said, players. I'm sure there are women players as well but it is soooooo hard to find a good one. Way too often I feel my eyebrow raise... lol

And I am not talking young guys here!! I'm talking about guys in their 50s and 60s who are STILL playing games!! WHEN DOES IT END? When they're dead??!!

Probably never...?? And I thought it was me. I'm talking about the same age bracket as well. I'm mid fifties. I dated a 62 yr old for a few months and all I can say is "really, grow up already"!!! Maybe your on to something here, we need to look for younger ones. Haha. I'm not wanting to be a caregiver, take 'em to raise or be a maid. Ugh!!! Not looking is easier.

I don't even want to EVER live with someone again. I'd just like a monogamous, genuine, decent guy. Yes-I agree-not looking IS easier!!

You can have family and still feel Lonely. Yesterday we were together for our moms 90th birthday. I asked my brother about Christmas. He said the 23th spending it with friends, Christmas Eve with his “Family “. And said nothing about Christmas Day our mom and siblings What are we chopped liver? We’ve spent Christmas together for many years feel kind of Hurt.

I'm sure this does hurt and I'm sorry. What I've seen over the years is that when it comes to holidays, men always seem to spend it with their wives families and sometimes overlook their own. It happens a lot. Don't know why. 😔

Yea, this is his second wife, this even happened with his first wife so I shouldn’t be Surprised? I had a special cake made for my moms birthday a “Picture Cake”. I asked for pictures of my mom for the Cake. My 2 older brothers didn’t have any because when they were married they stayed away from the family. I still had the cake made. It is what it is. I thought the new wife was different? I don’t necessarily blame the wives the guys should “get some BALLS “. Well you have a Happy Holidays 🌲

I think it's the same with all sons. Although it's not our sons, the wives stick with their family, it's very hurtful!

Your sons aren’t like that? Yea, thing is I have 6 brothers. And 2 sisters. My brothers kids and my sisters kids aren’t close. When their in the same place the kids don’t talk, they don’t have anything in common. SAD

I know, family's can be complicated. My sons wives have families that just drink and watch rubbish on the TV. That's not my thing, but I'm not a snob and I love my grandkids, but they hardly ever visit, I have to make the effort. Not even seeing them chr this year... I suppose as you get older we have to realise we'll be alone... Kids grow up and away. Thing is I am my own worst enemy, I just suffer it and feel sad, I don't say anything.

I have a husband (not my kids father) but they do get on, and I am seeing friends this Xmas, but I still feel pushed out. I have 8 grandchildren and won't see a single one this Xmas.

I’m so SAD for You, unfortunately that happens more often then Not. I have One grandchild, because of my experience I let my daughter know that, that will Not Happen with him. She is sometimes reluctant when her and the father have disagreements to not let him go? The fathers parents are so sweet and absolutely adore our grandson, they go to the things he’s involved with. I have gotten into with her, it takes a “Village to raise a Child “. I wish you the Best🌲

Thank you.

Thank you. I hope that gou can enjoy the Holidays too! 😊

I’m trying 🌲

You're not alone. I have no family other than an estranged niece. I have one friend i talk to on the phone every once in a while. That's it. Silence other than the tv. Hang in there.

I’ll try? I don’t have many friends, my longtime friend has stopped speaking to me because I put a stop to her bullying. I use to ignore her, pick your battles? This time she cross the line and upset one of my kids and thought it was Funny? Messing with my kids is a BIG NO NO. I miss her but NOT her behavior. May I ask how old are You? I’m a senior, if you are there are many senior groups you can join? I wish you the Best holiday. Hopefully next year will be better? 🌲

I'm glad you stopped talking to her if she was a bully esp to your kids!. Hopefully you'll be able to meet some other people soon. I'm close to fifty so could probably find a group. Only thing is I'm starting to get agoraphobia. Hopefully It'll getbetter.

Like you said, Hopefully next year will be better.

Take care

Thanks, Aerophobia is a terrible thing to have. My niece has it and so does her mom, they say your kids can pick up your fears? I feel that way sometimes where I don’t want to go out? Some councilors can make house calls? I have a cousin who doesn’t leave his house either and has a counselor who comes to his house. I do have a couple of senior friends that I go out with sometimes, their in their 80’s so their particular about where we go and what time. I wish you Happy Holidays 🌲

I don't have agoraphobia, but I notice that the more I stay home, I get a little anxious about going out. I work from home so am stuck here all day.

Working from home can be hard i imagine. Thanks for your response. Hope your holidays go well.

Same to you!

Thank you. It helps to know others go through it to. I Hope your holidays get better.

Thanks you too 🌲

I get how you feel. Trust me tons of people have to feel the same!!! Commercials on tv and things we think are going on... we think we are missing something. I’m in recovery and always feel left out. But I don’t think I’m missing anything. It’s definitely the winter!!! I find February to be the worse lol. I have a wonderful husband. But like you, 2 boys that have there own lives. And grandkids that are ruled by the ex!!! This isn’t how things were supposed to turn out. But I PUSH myself to stay in there lives. I PUSH myself to the gym and then volunteer with cats. I LOVE my dogs more then anything!!!!!! I’m sorry for rambling! I just want you to know you are not alone!!! Message me anytime 😊

It's shame that any of us feel lonely. Being an only child myself (I know spoiled) with both parents deceased I can relate. I have one daughter and three grandkids and a son-in-law. They spend the holidays with the son-in-law's family. He has sisters with kids so my grand kids have cousins to play with. Since my daughter is an only child I understand that my grand kids would rather spend holidays at their dad's family. I've seen other family's where divorce is involved and then remarriage causing a blended family with kids. So the remarried couples have kids that have 4 sets of grandparents with their kids wanting to see different sets of grandparents. The ex's of the couple want their time with the kids and their parents so it can be a nightmare with the logistics for the couple trying to make every kid , every parent , and every grandparent happy and still have time for the couple and their respective kids to get together. My daughter hasn't been divorced but since me and her mother are just that alone can make it difficult. So if I don't get to see them on Christmas eve or Christmas day as long as I get to see them while the grand kids are out of school I feel blessed. I have never remarried or plan to so if I spend Thanksgiving eating a can of chili it's my own fault. If I don't have to be anywhere I have no excuse for not helping feed people that don't even have a can of chili to feed their families. I get lonely but I have to remind myself I am blessed. It makes it easier to realize what Christmas is really all about. Thank you Jesus. Please give me an opportunity to be a blessing. That is the best present I could receive.

Beautiful 67anxioudgoat

Maybe doing volunteer work could help. You would be out meeting new people other than coworkers and your are helping others which could make you feel good.

To tell the truth, I have no energy for volunteer work on the weekends. I work every day Mon.-Fri. 7:30-6:00 with small children, so by the time the weekend rolls around, I'm way too tired!

I totally. get it. We are just moving out of the little kid phase and its exhausting.

What about you and your kids making cookies and bring them around to neighbors. We've got some really nice neighbors that I make small talk with in the street and having a bit of social anxiety, our conversations always give a lift to my day!

No one is even home during the day. Everyone is out working. I never see anyone.

As you mentioned. Your not alone. I don't have family neither. The people I live with, are just people who use and abuse me in one way or another. There's one child that sees me as dad, but he's not mine, and I was forced to love him since age 3. Now he has me all tied up with DHS, COURTS, COUNCELING, DOCTORS, SCHOOL ISSUES, and them are the only people I see and socialize with, but through force of obligation, not for any happy convenience of mine. My wife prefered to be seperated from me for the good of this child instead of seeing me happy and accompanied by her, the person I chose and trusted to be my only love. Good luck to you. I hope sharring this with you helps in one way or another, 'cause you're definately not alone.

Yes thank you for sharing that. It makes me wonder if ANYONE is really happy in this life. 😔

I agree with all of you,it’s a lonely time of year.Ive just broken up from my marriage and then a month later my son committed suicide.Im just trying hard to get through each day.On Christmas Day I’m going to a horse livery and help feed the horses.Better than humans dogs and horses,they bring me nothing but pleasure.love to you all.

Oh my goodness!! My condolences to you on the death of your son.😔 I cannot even imagine what it would be like. I wish you peace always. Btw-I totally agree about the love and joy that animals bring!

You're definitely not alone. Between depression and loneliness I sometimes feel like I've been thrown down a well and I'm surrounded by nothing but sorrow and darkness. I still cry over my cat who passed three years ago but thank goodness I have my two girl kitties I adopted after he died to help fill the void but gosh darnit, sometimes it's hard to snap out of this feeling of gloom and doom.

Hang in there, everyone.

You're definately not alone. I've lost most if my friends and family to dying and losing track. It's a sad feeling....I hope you have some good feelings also.

Hello,

When my husband and I moved to America for his work, adjusting to winter weather was so difficult for me. I was born in a tropical weather country where the sun shows up almost everyday so living in winter days was a big adjustment for me. I tried to walk outdoors every day with my baby especially with sunlight to uplift my mood.

We are 10,000 miles away from our families and we miss them especially now that Christmas is coming. We searched for a local church, became member and we also joined a life group that we meet once a week regularly and that helped me to adjust living here in America. I was so lonely because I miss my family and friends but my church are there to pray and encouraged me.

I’m very sorry to hear that you feel alone and lonely. I pray that you will overcome the sadness you are going through now. It’s hard to feel alone, I’ve been there but by the help of prayers and encouragement of people around me, I was able to get through that journey. Praying for you for comfort and you will also get through this season. Please keep us posted. Take care.

Marshall64
Marshall64
in reply to pink318

I want to live in a tropical weather country. Winter is so depressing here.

Many of us feel isolated and alone at Christmas. You have control over how you cope with being alone my friend. Make your own tradition of doing an activity. How about volunteering if you're up for it or host an "orphan" Christmas for other people who are alone at Christmas (maybe someone at work will be alone)? There are many people who are alone at this time of year. I find it helpful when negative thoughts about Christmas intrude to find things to be greatful for -I have a home, food to eat, and of course my husband and our pets. There are so many people who have absolutely nothing. Just my 2 cents worth.

Maybe get together with a coworker for the holiday. Maybe you can join their family holiday. That’s a blessing you have a daughter. And it’s good you’re around people a lot at work. I used to not work and was so lonely. Start asking coworkers to go out more. Also you can meet people in all sorts of ways! Happy Holidays to you! I wish you all the best!

Thank you! Same to you. Well I'll be with my daughter on Christmas Day. It's just the whole season that makes me feel especially lonely. I own a day care center and employ two women. They have their own life, and anyway, well let's just say-no-that doesn't work. So it's not like I'm around a bunch of people every day.

At one of the few times I went to a church, a pastor was reciting statistics that people have less friends than they did 20 years ago. People are lonelier now than ever in spite of the age of social media.

The number of responses on this post reminds me of the song "Message in a Bottle" by The Police. He sends out bottle in the ocean with an SOS and he finds the next morning a hundred billion bottles and says it seems he is not alone in being alone.

I never realized that that's what that song was about!

One of the first lines is "More loneliness than any man could bear, rescue me before I fall into despair"

The song stuck with me as a teenager when I changed schools and went through a lonely period without friends.

Loneliness is something I’ve dealt with most of my life. I’m glad you have your sweet dogs and you’re fortunate to have a daughter who talks to you every few weeks. Many don’t even bother. Are there any hobbies you could start or groups you could join? I find it helps me to find things to do. Although running away from feelings isn’t the answer either.

Thank you. I do talk to and text my daughter every day. We see each other once a week or once every 2 weeks. As a hobby, I do crafting, but I don't always feel like doing it. I belong to one meet-up group, but don't get to go to a lot of them because of work and them being too far sometimes.

Most days I’m so busy taking care of my small circle that I have no life of my own. I want more for myself but I can’t be happy unless my loved ones are happy and doing well. So I’m personally feeling alone day after day.

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