My family thinks that I have Aspergers, even though I was tested for autism and the results were negative

[rmsmi28]

Thoughts:

Hello, this is my first time posting in this forum. I apologize if this ends up being a rather long post as I tend to get long winded at times.

I am 44 yeas old, single, unemployed, living with my mother and my aunt (who have a toxic sibling relationship themselves)and currently a PhD Candidate (ABD) in history. I grew up in a mentally and emotionally abusive home environment and was constantly picked on and bullied as kid in school. (This has also happened to me throughout my adulthood, primarily due to my scoliosis, but other things as well.) Moreover, three years ago I finally had the guts to end an 18 year emotionally, mentally, physically, and sexually abusive relationship. (One of the things she would do is use my height and weight against me. I was over a foot taller than her and she would continuously point out that if I ever said anything about her being physically abusive no one would believe me and that they would believe her based on height alone. (She was 5'2.")

Moreover, I have had depression and anxiety for years and was recently diagnosed with ADHD (ADD) and am currently taking medication for these. (The antidepressant has done wonders for me, at least it used to but the Adderall not so much and I believe that my dosage of 30 mgs, considering my height and weight, 6'5" 305lbs, is much too low and the doctor refuses to raise it. But that is a post for another time. )

I also struggle with making social connections and have never really had anyone that I would classify as a friend. I went on a few dates when I was younger and the women I went out with certainly wanted to be more than friends but I never picked up on the signs.

Lastly, I have passion for history and all things historical. It is all I read and pretty much the only thing I am comfortable talking about. I am people pleaser who sees their own life as a failure and tries to please others by putting my needs on the back burner as it were.

Anyway, my mother, my aunt (her twin sister), and my brother are all firmly convinced that my struggles, very briefly outlined above, are the result of my having Aspergers. I had myself tested for autism when I was at George Mason University, partially to get them to stop proclaiming to anyone who would listen that I had Aspergers. The results indicated that I was nowhere on the spectrum. When I was diagnosed with ADHD my mother insisted that it was wrong because I was not the stereotype and insisted that I have Aspergers.

When I was little I took a learning disability test before I entered kindergarten. The test came back and stated that I had some type of learning disability. (I can remember bits of this conversation.) However, as far as I can remember, they never divulged what this disability was and, according to my mother the psychologist who administered the test and examined the results stated that I had a learning disability but that she shouldn't worry about it as it will only effect me when I attempt difficult tasks.

As anyone here had similar experiences, or have even heard of such a thing? And is it possible that I have Aspergers? (I understand that what I wrote above is very sparse at best.)

Moreover, because I am forced to remain with my mother and my aunt for the foreseeable future, does anyone know of any strategies to avoid the impact of their abuse (yes, I am 44 years old and when I came back home they simply picked up where they left off. (My mom called me a schmuck in a coffeehouse and insists on reminding me that I am the reason why she never finished her MA even though she only had three credits left. She has also told me that places that I have sent job applications most likely will not hire me. Course, I could be just be too sensitive to all of this.) I do not have the financial means to support myself at this juncture. Moreover, living in the house with them once more has severely impacted my motivation and ability to do the things necessary to finish my degree and finally get the hell out of here once and for all.

All suggestions and comments are most appreciated.

Thanks for listening.

[Hidden]

It sounds awful there and you dont seem to have to many options.Maybe you can keep trying to get a job so that you can move on and do your own things that you want to do, dont give up, it will be worth it for yourself.

You can chat on here with people if thats any help at all, im sure you and your history knowledge would be an interest to a lot of people on here.

[rmsmi28 in reply to Hidden]

Thanks. I am trying to get hired and have distributed several applications but to no avail. I cannot say that I blame them though. Who wants to hire a highly intellectually unqualified person to teach history at the college and university levels? Someone who thinks slavery and race are crucial elements upon which the United States and American capitalism are built? Someone who is not going to have others, especially those ignorant of history, as well as those who want to avoid it, dictate what I can and cannot teach to students? Someone who could not even succeed teaching eight graders for ten weeks and spent nearly twenty-years working in a grocery store?

[Hidden in reply to rmsmi28]

I know what it's like, age, health issues etc etc etc are all against me when it comes to work.. I've decided to take a year out from trying to get a job, I'm not getting benefits or anything, I'm going to travel a bit.

It's hard to get the perfect job and sometimes we have to settle for less which is cr*p if we have studied and trued our best. That's just how it is today. Here it's who you know not what you know that gives you the best chances.

But anyway, something will come up for you...

[Roxylox]

Hoping not to sound too harsh, it would seem to me your mother is toxic to you. Puts you down and wants to label you. You are not identified by a label I would ignore all of that.

Congratulations on leaving the abusive relationship.

Remember as a PHD candidate you are pretty darn smart

If I were you l wouldn't give a fig for the arrogant, misinformed opinions of your relations.

[rmsmi28 in reply to Roxylox]

Thanks. I am trying to ignore their toxicity as best that I can. It would be easier if I was able to live somewhere else but that is not financially feasible at the moment. My mother, I believe, is jealous of me and she has made remarks to me only serve to confirm this belief. Right now I am just trying to meddle through as best I can and as soon as I am able to leave I will.

[Roxylox in reply to rmsmi28]

Stay strong rmsmi

[rmsmi28 in reply to Roxylox]

Thanks. I appreciate the encouragement.

[Agamemnon2022]

It seems you are moving forward in a positive manner but are currently stuck by circumstances in a very difficult environ. Have you thought about spending as much time out of the house as possible? Maybe studying outside of the house at a library or something?

[rmsmi28 in reply to Agamemnon2022]

I do spend time outside of the house. I usually walk to a local coffee shop as sometimes the libraries can be too quiet, while other times they can be much too loud. However, I think part of my problem is that I go to the coffee shop and I feel like I need to unwind before doing anything and this usually takes a couple of hours to accomplish. I have tried spending time in m y bedroom but that usually does not work in the sense that then I have to listen to my family questioning me, usually under the third degree, as to whether I am ill, or simply trying to avoid talking to any of them. If I state the latter, that only ratchets up the questioning and it eventually turns into a lecture and criticism. I still have not been able to convince them that I have depression and that I believe my medication needs to be either increased or changed. My mother thinks that I am jealous of my brother, he is a recovering opioid addict, that I have always been that way, and that I am just using this as a way to garner attention to myself. It is not an environment conducive to writing anything, let alone a dissertation. If I had a job and some income I would not be here now.

[Nothing_but_books]

It's very easy when you hear bad things about yourself over and over to doubt yourself.

is it possible you have Aspergers? If it's your Mom's voice you hear, asking you that question, let it go. You've been very clear how cruel she is. But if you are concerned, do a little investigation. If your concern persists, talk to whoever diagnosed you with ADHD, that seems a good place to start.

Sensitive isn't a bad thing. It's draining you now though. I hope you can find little ways to escape every day to preserve your sanity.

[rmsmi28 in reply to Nothing_but_books]

Sorry about my delayed response. What you are saying makes sense and to a certain extent I agree with what you are saying. I have an appointment with a therapist to discuss the issue of Aspergers and whether I have it or not. I had myself tested for autism when I was a graduate student at George Mason University and the test came back negative. But the suspicions of Aspergers persist and my mother certainly does not help in that regard. Besides my daily interactions, one of the things that keeps gnawing me about this is that when I was a kid and before I entered kindergarten, I was diagnosed as having a learning disorder. I have absolutely no idea what it could possibly be. Strangely enough, I can remember bits and pieces of the conversation and I distinctly remember the school, what it looked like on the inside, and the person who tested me telling my mom that I had a learning disability. The truly strange part is this individual told my mother that she had no need to worry about what type of disability it was because the only time it would impact my life was if I was doing something frustrating and the solution was to simply avoid putting me, as a kid, in anything that would prove frustrating. So, I guess in some ways it is perhaps my intellectual curiosity getting the better of me. Other than satisfying that curiosity, there really is no other reason for me to get a diagnosis at this juncture.

[Blueruth]

Good advice imo is if it isn’t working do something else. Usually it refers to repeating the same mistake and getting nowhere. In this case I suggest maybe rethinking your plan. 44 is still young. That are always multiple paths to take.

My response to your family’s Asperger claim… probably not but if they are right… who cares!!? what does that change? Treatment? How they treat you? How dumb. It just doesn’t matter much.

[Hidden]

I’m not exactly sure what Asperger’s even is. I’m so sorry you are in this lousy living situation . I happen to have a Dad who is manipulative and rather narcissistic . It’s been helpful to me to watch the Doctor Ramani channel on YouTube . She is a psychologist and she knows a lot about handling narcissistic, entitled people. Maybe it might be helpful to you. Stay strong.