Am I the only one

[SANL]

Hi. Im new here. I joined because if I dont try to help me, I don't know if anyone else would care to. People are excellent at giving advice but I dont feel like they understand what I feel. I got diagnosed with Epilepsy 4 years ago, out of the blue started having seizures. I had been married for 6 months prior thereto. It was very bad in the beginning, I was in hospital for months at a time and lost my job as a result of it. My health improved and Ive been working again properly for a little more than 2 years. I cut down on my meds drastically. Ive had 3 miscarriages in 5 years. I do have a wonderful family and a good husband. But I have no control over my anxiety. I get so depressed and sometimes i cant even rationalise why. I feel like Im better off dead. I feel neglected by my husband recently so it's made things worse and I don't know how to go back to being this happy person again. I really think maybe its in my mind and Im just being dramatic. That the problems must somehow be my fault but I don't want to feel like this anymore. I want help or I dont want to be here anymore. Anything to stop the pain.

[bluuue]

You have to talk to someone. I know that's what everyone says, but it really helps. especially if someone is causing you more pain, you have to tell them how you feel. holding in all your emotions will only hurt not help. have a nice night.

[SANL in reply to bluuue]

Thank you bluuue. I did see a professional once but all I did was feel uncomfortable. Somehow I feel like expressing any anguished Im feeling gets turned back on me and Im left feeling like its my fault. I joined here because well its not face to face interaction and Im hoping that other people get it and Im not the only one feeling like this. Have a good night (day here 🙂)

[tamka38]

Hi and welcome to this site, u will find out they’re a lot of good people here ready to help you.Am sorry your having a hard time right now if u can’t talk with your husband maybe it time to talk to a therapist to get this stuff off your mind and if it get to bad please go to the emergency room they can help u there I will be praying for you

[fauxartist]

It sounds like you have had a really tough time over the last few years and I would think that would effect anyone with fear and anxiety. Have you talked to a therapist as your surely dealing with grief and loss and probably trauma..... these things accumulate with us and if you have been diagnosed with anxiety and the long term depression, it's another whole learning curve to learn.....reading posts and comments here would help you understand a lot about this disease and hopefully give you some understanding as well as if you can do some possible group work with others dealing with loss and trauma. I'm glad your sharing here because there are many here who have gone through a lot, and even though our stories may be different....pain is pain.

[RexieSF7]

I'm so sorry that you are feeling this way... you definitely have been through a rough situation with your health and the loss of your babies. I was so glad to read that your health and quality of life had improved from when your seizures began but I think with the loss of your pregnancies, depression and some anxiety is understandable. People esp. those that we are "closest" to sometimes definitely don't understand all that we feel and go through for various reasons... they may have their own things that they are trying to deal with or sometimes just don't know how to help in certain areas so stop trying. Its not because the don't love us... its just they don't know what more to do. Counselling may be really beneficial. Especially to help see the whole picture from all angles and to help process things. You did a wise thing by reaching out... I find support groups have really helped me with things that I suffer with. To help me know that I am not all alone in my sufferings. I found this article/series bit.ly/2I5CII8 that may help a little to understand that grief comes long with miscarriages so that you know yourself that the things that you are expressing are not "dramatic". I hope that some of what I have to offer helps. <3