I am bad and I want to die

[Shilpa08]

Hey guys I want to die as I always think negative about people and want their bad.. I am never happy and I compare my life with others... I have done lot of mistakes and I keep repeating it... I have been married since 1 yr but have no love towards my husband infact I think of him dying...I am not attached to anyone not even myself..I don’t know what kind of person I have become..no1 in the world is like me I am very very bad...I get bored with people and now I am talking to a guy who’s flirting with me n I am also doing the same but at same time I know it’s wrong but I am not stopping and I am cheating my husband but sometimes I don’t care..I regret getting married as I have to be in house all time and take care of it and do household chores..I don’t want his life but here in India I can’t do anything..I want my freedom back..roam around chill.. I think I have a bad character I don’t even care about my parents...I am very stubborn and I don’t change I am worried what will b my future and I think I should suicide..please help someone

[Agora1]

Shilpa08, I don't think you're bad, I think you were too young when you got married.

I don't know if it was an arranged marriage or not, it really doesn't make any difference

because you fell out of love. It sounds like you have some growing up to do. Wanting to "chill" has come a little late for you. You say you are stubborn and don't change. You

are cheating on your husband and don't care. You think of him dying.

Now you think that suicide is the answer.

We all have choices in our lives. Many times, we make the wrong ones but this doesn't

mean that suicide is the only way to erase those mistakes. Start by turning your life

around. To do that, you need to start with yourself. Take note in what you want in life,

and how you plan to get there. If you don't, you will keep repeating the same mistake

over and over. You must start with loving yourself first. Respecting YOU...Caring about

who you are. You've made a wise decision in coming here for help and support. We do not

support suicide but will help you get back on the right path. Talk to us, we are here for you :)xx

[Shilpa08 in reply to Agora1]

Thank you so much for replying but I don’t have any talent to get back my life on track I overthink way beyond and I want so many Things in life but I am never satisfied and I will never be I am so bad that I don’t care about my parents or anyone..I always think bad of others I have a huge past which has mayb made me like this I need someone to talk please can someone message me personally so I can share and tell

[Agora1 in reply to Shilpa08]

Shilpa, I would be more than happy to message you.

I know you are hurting. x

[VDC1]

I think arranged marriages are so stupid. I know so many Indian people who’ve had a horrible marriages because of that. You’ve got to see what your options are for leaving ,whatever that takes. If you hate it so much that you want to die, then you have nothing left to lose.

[Shilpa08 in reply to VDC1]

It was a love marriage actually I was already in depression n my parents were pressuring me and he was my frnd so I married him and now I am bored with him and I get attracted to other people I am not stable at all

[Shilpa08]

Oh but I can’t do this as our society won’t allow plus this is disrespectful

[Hidden]

It’s not bad to feel the way you feel, it’s not socially acceptable but it’s not bad. We just expected so much more out of life and now we’re disappointed and sometimes we act self destructively because it satisfies that yearning we have inside for change and excitement. I don’t like people either and honestly wear headphones almost 24/7 to dodge them and have since 1st grade, I try not to around family but sometimes I guess my expectations are just to high and they disappoint me, it’s something you have to learn to live with and trust me as someone who never escaped his downward spiral in time your going to end up hurting a lot of people you care about and when you get better, not if because you will, you are seriously going to regret what you’ve done and that yearning will be different because it’ll haunt you because that’s who we are, we hold onto our self loathing. You can change, just pull up and self reflect, be grateful for what you do have and focus on that gratitude and try to make yourself better so everyone involved can be grateful for your presence. Don’t spiral out, trust me, it’s not worth it.

[Shilpa08 in reply to Hidden]

Yeah I agree but I am just not able to do it I am stuck in my mind I feel like doing something else but I have to do something else..some ethics are there..I am worried about my future as I am not satisfied at all