I had an awful meltdown today. My outside world is affected or I finally understood that. It's hard to be a mother, to be a wife to a husband who doesn't care. It's hard to work and smile all the time when you soul feels like exploding and all the demons inside which blows all the sensations through the body need to be kept under control. I thought today so much to kill myself and I even made the perfect plan, but unfortunately I can't even die because there is no one who can take my son from school. I fee my son doesn't love me anymore because he sees me the way I am and he doesn't stay around me. Sometimes I think would be better for everyone. I'm not sure how much I will manage to go on with this life and sometimes I feel they just want to make us robots to think like them and feel like them, but we aren't the same. Maybe we breath the same air, but surely have a different view about life and what living our days become to sadistic for some of us who still need feelings, not just materialistic touchable things. So in the end, I don't find not even a small wire to take it in my hand and try to dream again about something new and beautiful. I'm doomed forever !