Last night i didnt sleep... i tossed and turned. i took scissors to my arm and tried choking myself. I really hate myself sometimes. I have these horrible bags under my eyes. I literally cant talk to my mom or boyfriend because they make me feel worse because they make things about themselves. I real life just think i wold be better off not here. In the past three years, i lost my car, my apartment, my grandma and multiple jobs. Now im stuck in a position I dont like with rude and nasty coworkers. my apartment is in terrible condition and looks like low income from the outside. My car drives terribly. I just feel like a bum. I know I should be thankful for what I have but I'm so tired of being stagnant and not getting anywhere. I just want my grandma back. she would make atleast one part of my life better.