I don’t want to be here anymore - Anxiety and Depre...

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I don’t want to be here anymore

littlelostgirl profile image

I don’t want to live anymore. I am not living I am already dead inside, I just wish my heart would stop beating and that I could be pronounced dead and be gone forever. I am 19 years old and I know that it seems like I am very young to say this, but I have nothing to live for all look forward to, because I screw up everything. College is hard. My friends are all dating or engaged already and I have never even had a boyfriend or been asked out on a date. My best friend is zillions of years older than me and has a family of her own, and I’m judged by family and peers that she’s my friend. She’s over a decade over than me but we get along so well and I don’t want to give up a friendship because of our age. She acts my age! I am just so sick of everyone judging me, I feel like I can’t be myself, I have had friends in the past year that committed suicide and I feel alone being down here without them. I would have taken my own life by now If I knew I would be successful at that, but considering how unsuccessful I am everything I am still here. I can’t go all the time I read things all the time about how to take your own life, but I’m just afraid I would feel bad and my life would be even worse than it is now. I don’t know what to do anymore though, so I’m here on this page trying to distract myself from everything within. I am so lost and I am so tired. I just think I give up.

21 Replies

I'm so sorry you are feeling like this. It must be very scary and lonely. But know you are not alone.

Have you been to the doctors for some antidepressants or to talk to someone professional.

This forum is great for support but alot of the time we need the medical help too, to help lift us out of that dark place.

Life is worth living and I'm sure your family love you very much. It doesn't matter if your friends are older than you..just enjoy your friendship..ignore what society tells us is the norm.

I hope this helps. Sending you a virtual hug.


Please don't give up!! I know some days can be worse than others but it won't always be like this! It can get better! Do you take and meds for your Anxiety? And I'm so sorry your family is supportive that has to be extremely difficult!! I know I don't know you but I'm here for you girl!!! 💕😊

Whinney23 profile image
Whinney23 in reply to Whinney23


It is so strange when I read a post like this, because it is a mirror of a part of my life. How I felt, What I went through. I thought those days would never end, I couldn't see beyond the pain and misery. It seem to be never ending. However, I found what works for me, and though I am far from living a perfect happy life, it is so much better. I am in such a better place then I was then. So please believe me when I say, it will pass. I am not saying this out of blind faith, I am saying because I lived through it, just like you. Work with your doctors, find a study at a major hospital that is doing ground breaking research, and talk to others whom have suffered what you have. It will get better, you will get better.

rach1402 profile image
rach1402 in reply to dore13

So true, I've been there too

Keep posting stuff talk to others

Please don’t hurt yourself. We are all here for you. I’ve been there so many times. I know you don’t feel like you have anything, but that’s not true. That’s your illness talking & it’s lying to you. It’s telling you things to justify hurting yourself, & you can’t let it win. You have a purpose, we all do. You feel your heart beating in your chest? That’s purpose. Please don’t give up. Please seek help. Talk to a family member or friend or an adult you can trust. You can keep going, honey. I am sending you so much love. <3 xoxoxo

It sounds like you are in so much pain. The pain feels unending and you can't see the light at the end of the tunnel. But I promise it is there. Things can get better! Please keep reaching out for help. Keep asking until you find what you need. You have so much more to do here.

I am here for you. I am sorry you feel this way. Things CAN get better ❤️

I don’t know what you’re going through. But it sounds very hard, and I know college can be incredibly stressful and the people there not the easiest to get along with. There are really really good people and friends out there though who will come along, and there is so much to see, do and try especially as a young person. Not doing well for a while in college does not mean that you’ll never be successful in whatever way you like. I know it’s impossibly hard, but keep going. And you’ll be pretty awesome and cool as hell when you start feeling good.

Think of those who love you if you take your life. This is by far the worst death ever. The ones we love will suffer deeply. I am no doctor but have been in treatment for six years for Anorexia. I have won the battle. You do need professional help if not already under doctor care.

Hi dear beautiful, beautiful girl. I’m a mother of a very smart, talented, the most kind young man who committed suicide last year because he was too good for this world and he didn’t realize how many people loved him. He left behind me and two sisters who miss him every day. He was 29 and never had a girlfriend, he was ashamed of it, but knowing him as a kindest and committed person he was we knew a woman beside him would be a happiest in the world.

I admire you for many priceless treasures you have: honesty, courage to be you, dedicated friend, priceless future wife. I just that you could see yourself through love of a friend. I’m so sorry that you went through the loss of your friends, I cannot even amagine what you went through. Please be you for us. I love you!

Thank you Irene 🌷

Please hang in there. You can do this. And age doesn't matter with your friends. Please keep sharing - we all support you and what you are going through. You are loved!

Sorry you're in a dark place, I've been there many times

Sorry you're in a dark place, I've been there many times before, I tried at age 16 by taking pills all I had was a stomach ach there where I believe Tylenol, I thought it didn't matter as long as they where pills. Several months ago I was looking for a gun, there not easy to get. I'm good now, what I'm saying is that what you're feeling is a temporary thing. Go to the ER have them check you in to evaluate you. Or call a suicide hotline? Suicide is permanent my brother killed himself at 19, that was about 40 years ago.

Hi littlelostgirl, I'm reaching through the screen to give you enormous hugs.

First, I am so sorry for your losses.

Next, I echo what others are saying- that this is temporary. That you can't imagine right now how much better things can and will get.

I want you to keep writing here, and I want you to take action. This is hard to do when you feel like so awful, but I want you to do it anyway. Please get in to see a doc ASAP if you haven't already. Occasionally people have something medical causing significant depression. Often these issues are totally correctable (ie hypothyroidism, anemia). You need a thorough doc evaluation. A doc can also talk with you about possibly starting an antidepressant. Your second call needs to be to a therapist - to make an appointment ASAP. Make sure they really know bereavement to help you work through your losses, and also make sure they really know anxiety/depression. Therapy can be magic for many people.

Don't forget there is a suicide prevention hotline: 1-800-273-8255. It can be a lifeline.

One more thing- 10 years is not an age gap (between you and your BFF). I am 51 and I have a couple of wonderful friends in their 20's and a very good friend who just turned 82! A friend is a friend- someone to cherish.

Please do keep posting. There is so much support, empathy and love here. You are not alone at all.

Dont be so down on yourself . We all have different paths and things happen in different order for us. If u would just take a moment to think of all the ppl u would hurt if what u wanted to happen did. It's really selfish and I sense that ur not a selfish person. Things do get better. Maybe u should try new things to meet new ppl and maybe find what your looking for. Ima be all the way real with u. I got on here tonight to vent about my own bs but saw your post and had to write and let u know u are worth something and after the rain the sun will come up again. Yes its corny as hell but it's TRUE. The realist thing I've heard lately was that no matter what u going thru today is the 1st day of your life where u can change things. U can choose to be in a dark place or u can not let those demons win and fight back. Seek some therapy it's not a bad thing. I know everyone on here feels the same way and like they've told me they care so please give us at least the satisfaction of getting to know u. It cant hurt. It's only one of u in this world and I hope u dont cheat us out of knowing u. U might be destined to do something great or prevent something bad but if ur not here then what? That's how I think now. If u dont have a higher power maybe u should get one cause us humans didnt just come from nowhere.Anyways I'm just a normal guy from a troubled past that has felt how u feel and it sucks. Nobody deserves to feel that lonely. I care and so do others here so u cant say nobody cares now. Just continue to reach out for help cause u can have it. I hope to hear from u or at least see more posts to know your ok!🙏🏿💪🏿✌🏿💯

I am so sorry you are going through this difficult time. Feeling this way can be very discouraging. It is good that you have a friend you can talk to. It is alright that she is a little older than you. As long as both of you have a healthy friendship, their is nothing wrong with that. Have you talked to anyone about how you are feeling and your thoughts of suicide? This is a very serious thing and I advise that you find someone trustworthy that you can talk to about what you are feeling. It may help to get this off of your chest. I really hope everything gets better.

Take your own life and you'll just end up back here again to complete your work at this stage of your Spiritual development. Do you really want to go through this again from scratch ? 19 yrs old and you've got the best of life still awaiting you. I recommend you read Eckhart Tolle' Start with 'The Power of Now' and work your way through his material. Your Public Library will have his publications. There are even special weekend retreats and spiritual discourse sessions on DVD and CD Just hang in there. Things WILL get better for you but it takes work and time. Stick it out and You'll come out stronger than you've ever been.

God Bless and keep you safe.

I feel your pain, I feel like I can’t do anything right and my motivation is low, I feel tired of living. To be honest if I had a gun near me I would use it. I feel like my purpose does not exist in this world yet another world.

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