Bad...just bad

[HJam5880]

I’m not doing well. I’m just feeling down and I’m not sure why. I haven’t accomplished anything today except for taking a shower. This makes me feel even worse, because I know I have a ton of homework to do. I’m missing my dad a lot! I’m laying in bed currently crying and listening to music. (12am in my time zone) Its been 6 years since he passed but I miss him so much still. It’s so hard sometimes and it hits me like a ton of bricks. Some days I can function and live daily life and others I simply cannot. I hate to get on here when I feel like I just need therapy, but I have no where to turn right now. Everyone else in bed and also my therapy appt isn’t until Wednesday, and to make it worse, my therapy appt was canceled last month so I haven’t talked to my therapist since June. I only have monthly appointments.

I should be happy because I got my test score back and I passed! However, I’m feeling sorry for myself.

[EM44]

I totally understand where you are coming from , I lost my mom last year to ALS , I was so heart broken and still am . Not a day that goes by that I don’t think about her she was my everything . Some days I’m just angry with everyone and want to be left alone bc I’m still mourning . I assume so are you it’s a difficult thing to go through and what your feeling is completely normal and everyone mourns differently just know that your dad is looking down on you and although you can’t see him he’s there cheering you on ! I too have a therapist and I know how difficult it can be when you need to speak to someone right now bc you are having anxiety feel lonely/ sad and u don’t have anyone to speak to not to mention having to wait for an appointment trust me you are not alone I’m going through that now as my therapist is on vacation and there are a tons of things I want to speak to her about but I have to wait not to mention I have NO friends I have a husband and son but unfortunately no friends. ( sometimes u just need a friend) .Congratulations on passing your test I’m sure your dad is very proud of you . Don’t feel sorry for yourself you accomplished something . What I do when I’m feeling down I watch funny sitcom or a funny movie just to get my mind off of things . Hope this helps you I’m here if you need to speak .

[HJam5880 in reply to EM44]

Thank you for your kind comment! I got the homework done that was due at midnight. Hopefully I didn’t miss anything, it was a lot to process through. I’ve been doing so well lately on my medication (Buspirone and Sertraline), and now I’m not doing well. Usually even if I don’t feel good, I can usually smile through it and fake it, but today I had church and I couldn’t smile and fake it. Usually when I do “fake” it, I usually end up feeling a little better but today it just wasn’t happening. I’m praying for you, and if you need to talk or anything I’m here for you too. I have friends that I could talk to but I feel like I’m putting my burden on them when I talk to them about stuff like this.

[Purrsona]

I hope you're feeling a little better now. You have every right to grieve no matter how much time has passed. I'm glad you have functional days mixed in with the bad ones, and I hope thinking of better times in the future can help you get through the awful moments.

[HJam5880 in reply to Purrsona]

You have no idea how much I needed your comment right now. Thank you so much!

[HJam5880 in reply to Purrsona]

I fell asleep last night without finishing 2 assignments! All my assignments are online, so they were due last night at 1 minute before midnight. Now my anxiety is up even more than it was already. My teachers have been caring so far and have allowed late assignments, but it is unnerving trying to wait to talk to my teacher. I also need to talk to her about my anxiety and depression, but it’s so hard for me.

I also didn’t take my anxiety medicine last night because I fell asleep, then I didn’t wake up until 4am. I also have a morning dose, so I’m just waiting until then too take my normal dose.

[Purrsona in reply to HJam5880]

I'm sorry. Are you all right? I'm sure it'll work out, and I think it's a good idea to talk to your teacher when you can. My sister is bipolar and was afraid to tell her advisor for a long time, but when she finally did, it helped him understand her problems with labwork and he was super understanding.

If your teachers are caring, they must know that everybody's under terrible stress right now because of the pandemic and all the changes. Hang in there!

[HJam5880 in reply to Purrsona]

I’m ok, the reason I fell asleep early last night was because my anxiety and depression didn’t allow me to sleep except two hours on Sunday night. So yesterday I was exhausted and just needed to sleep but couldn’t because I had class 8:00-5:00.

[Purrsona in reply to HJam5880]

Ooof, that sounds really stressful. I hope you can rest up tonight.

[HJam5880 in reply to Purrsona]

Thank you! I got lots of sleep last night so that helped.