Just another day of waiting

[HeyHarlie]

I feel like my days are just unending torture of just waiting around feeling bored & depressed until bedtime. I try to find things to do but even the things I used to enjoy just feel empty. Empty... that's how I feel. It's awful. I put my kids to bed early just so I can go to bed because I can't stand to be up any longer. This is just barely existing. Therapy helped for all of a couple hours today but, shortly after I leave I feel the exact same. I have no friends to talk to or hang out with so it's just sitting here, every day, waiting for bedtime.

[LadyZen]

Has your therapist recommended seeing a doctor for medication while you see here? In my twenties, when I started seeing a therapist, I went on medication. I remember that winter day in January vividly. It was the first time in 10 years I wasn't sleeping non-stop, I could actually smell the cold winter air, and I had enough energy to play in the snow with my three year old. I remember crying in therapy about how bittersweet that moment was. I felt I had gotten a piece of me back that was robbed from me in high school. I weaned off the medication a long time ago and no longer need it now that I'm well overall.

[HeyHarlie in reply to LadyZen]

I do see someone else for medication but so far nothing has worked. She is treating me for bi polar bc my two oldest children are. The problem is I don't think I'm bi polar at all. I feel like I'm always low and when I'm not, it just feels like a high bc I'm always so low. I recently talked her into trying a regular antidepressant again and treating me as i have depression and not bi polar. She wasn't too into it but she did prescribe me lexapro though i haven't started it yet. Hoping i see some change with it

[Hidden]

HeyHarlie,

I'm sorry to hear you're feeling this way.

Is there anything you can do that can bring some pleasure into your life? It can be a very small thing, like making your sleep environment nicer like a really soft blanket, scented candle, hot tea you like, etc. Just think of a little, do-able thing you can bring pleasure to your senses. It's not a big solution but a thought for a reprieve from depression.

[HeyHarlie in reply to Hidden]

I try but nothing seems to bring me enjoyment anymore and I know it's the depression but, it doesn't help knowing that when I can't seem to alleviate it in anyway. I used to love playing on my xbox bc I could talk to people but I don't even enjoy doing that much anymore. I just feel constantly empty and uncomfortable. I'm hoping once I start my new meds I'll feel some improvement at least.

[raisin44 in reply to HeyHarlie]

hey Harlie I feel the same way as you do and people don’t seem to understand. It doesn’t just go away. I feel low all the time. Nothing makes me happy anymore. I’m on medications but they aren’t helping yet. I’ve been on them for about 8 weeks The doctor is trying different medications.

[Hidden]

Could you get a therapy dog? It would help. Are you doing anything to amuse yourself outside of the house like bike rides or adventures going to places by yourself? I used to go places take pictures with my phone. Ride the bus or whatever just get up go. If your head says what for just say because I need to get out and feel the energy of the planet. Sounds weird but sounds like you need connections so start with your surroundings

[HeyHarlie in reply to Hidden]

That would be a great plan but where I live there's no public transportation. I'm literally stuck in every sense of the word. I'm trying to move somewhere else where I'm not as stuck as I am now but, it takes time unfortunately. Hopefully it'll happen soon and I can work on getting out more.

[Hidden in reply to HeyHarlie]

Yes that makes it harder for sure. Save every cent you can. Try to earn money if you can. Do you live with anyone ? I’m having hard time too. Too much stress and the psyche meds blew out my bowels back to back. I’m losing all my hair again. From stress from it never ending. I was on antibiotics several times and serious stress and health stuff. I know trapped. I had normal life before. Try to keep your mind quiet and fill your day with projects. I have a friend she watches bands and joins fan clubs. When my life was normal I thought it was weird as she’s in her 40’s but she wound up making friends all over the world now and they visit each other connect talk about life online. It is a lesson build it & it will come.

[HeyHarlie in reply to Hidden]

Only with my children, two of which suffer from bi polar which makes the depression even worse from the stress of that and just struggling to take care of them. Hopefully I'll get to move and my new meds will help bc short of that I feel lost

[Hidden in reply to HeyHarlie]

Yes that’s a lot big hug. That’s a lot it sounds like you’re starting new meds. Wish you lick with that. Are your kids medicated? One thing is if they’re just complaining then they’re ok. Just sorting through things. Remember they can learn to fix things too.

[HeyHarlie in reply to Hidden]

My daughter is, she's doing a bit better. My son is out of control. His meds aren't helping him at all. We're going to try new ones but, he's not doing will which adds to my stress and depression.