About to lose it!

[Hiddenglow]

I haven’t wrote on here in a long time because I thought I was doing better but in reality, I’m not. I thought the medication was helping, but it’s not. I thought the therapy sessions were helping, but they aren’t. I don’t know what’s wrong with me. I’m super emotional and I have no one surrounding me who understands that when I’m emotional I just need a hug. I’m a stay at home mom so yes I have my kids to hug me when I’m emotional, but I dont have an emotional husband. In fact, any kind of emotion makes him angry. Anytime I cry, I get no hug, I get scorned for being emotional. If I’m frustrated from taking care of the kids all day and night by myself, I’m not to show it because it will make my husband angry. And he’s not an overly angry person but he is very cold when he’s angry which makes me feel alone. I just woke him to tell him I wanna cuddle, since he pushed me off him, and he’s angry. I can’t take this feeling of loneliness in a house full of people. I just need a hug....

[Marshall64]

Might be a stupid question, but have you told him how you felt? Sounds like he might have depression.

[Hiddenglow in reply to Marshall64]

When I tell him how I feel about anything, he gets defensive as if I’m telling him my feeling because he doing something wrong, when in reality I just need him to just listen to my feelings or just hug and comfort me if those feelings are making me emotional. But he doesn’t fully support me getting help for my depression because he feel like it’s a choice to have it, or I should be able to control my feelings on my own. It’s sad...

[Marshall64 in reply to Hiddenglow]

Would he go to counseling with you?

I probably wasn't the most attentive husband when I was married. I read a book called Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus. It explained that men just want to go their man cave after work but women usually want to talk about their day and want some validation of their feelings. A guy will want to try to "fix" the problem when all the woman wants is to be listened to. It was an eye opener for me.

[Hiddenglow in reply to Marshall64]

I have to read that book thanks. But he’s one of those men who will never admit he has a problem or will never seek help from any outside source, nevertheless from his family or loved ones. I know he has a lot on his plate, being the sole provider of the family, working 70+ hours a week sometimes with no days off, and being a supervisor on top of all that. So I know the struggle for him is real, and I try to make his life easy and stress free at home. That’s maybe why I feel the way I do, bc I’m giving giving giving to make sure he’s happy and doesn’t have to lift a finger at home. He says he’s giving more bc he pays the bills...

[Marshall64 in reply to Hiddenglow]

He works a lot and pays the bill. That is good but that doesn't mean he can't listen to you, cuddle and be there for you emotionally.

Hope things get better for you.

[Hiddenglow in reply to Marshall64]

Thank YOU for listening though 🙂 I appreciate it!

[Marshall64 in reply to Hiddenglow]

You're welcome. I had to learn the hard way of becoming someone who listens and is not so self centered. It took my wife leaving me for that to happen. I was traveling with my job a lot and it was taking a toll on her because we just got married and she didn't know anyone here (we met at college a few hours away). I didn't listen to her or take her concerns serious. The book I told you about taught me a lot. I am a full time single father of a 13 year old daughter and I had to realize she needs me to listen and validate her feelings. She may have a problem but by talking it out and me doing some active listening, she works it out herself.

I wish I had some advice for you. It is hard if the other person won't listen or worse; gets defensive and thinks you are blaming him for issues.

[Hiddenglow in reply to Marshall64]

Thank you. You have given me tons of advice already and I appreciate it so much just for listening. I’m sorry you had to go through it the hard way but it sounds like you definitely are a changed man. Your daughter is so lucky to have you as a dad!

[Kkimm]

Hi

It must be so hard to be suffering from anxiety with young children to care for and so little support from your husband. I do understand because mine is similar. It is very hard for him to show emotion and for him to understand my anxiety condition which makes me feel very alone at times

I think it may be that it is feeling unable to help which makes him feel angry rather than that you are being emotional. It may be that if you can tell him the ways he is good at supporting you it could help. It did with mine.

All my best wishes

Kim

[Hiddenglow in reply to Kkimm]

Thanks Kim. I tell him all the time. He supports me and the family financially and he feels like that’s more than enough. He thinks I should just be grateful, which I am completely, that he works hard for the family and doesn’t run the streets and come home every night.