Everything Just Everything

[HJam5880]

I don’t even know how to begin this and honestly I don’t know what I’m even feeling right now. It’s like the harder I try the worse I fail. It’s supposed to be a happy time in my life (although a bit stressful) getting ready for my wedding on Oct 6th, but I’m not happy. It’s like the slightest little problem makes me mad at the entire world. I’ve been this way for about a week. My fiance is the only reason I’m still here. If it weren’t for him I don’t know I just want to disappear and at this point my thoughts are getting worse. I have no plans of doing anything and I never would but I think to myself “I just wish I would go to sleep and not wake up”. I feel like no one would care and no one would miss me. I’m crying sitting here typing this. I’m trying so hard to better myself and make things right between me and a family member but he doesn’t believe me when I tell him I’m sorry that I hurt his feelings. I just don’t want to deal with any of this anymore. I feel like just pulling my hair out and screaming. Side note: my meds (Sertraline and Buspirone) aren’t working and I’ve tried talk therapy in the past and it didn’t seem to help

[gajh]

I am glad you are reaching out here. You are not alone.

[HJam5880 in reply to gajh]

thank you. Right now I feel all alone because I feel as no one cares except you and others here.

[gajh in reply to HJam5880]

I am glad you do know that I care.

[jackiesj]

HJam5880, i have questions and you only answer if you want to...that is how it should be. thoughts come as to where anxiety depression and it all toppling is comming from. Wedding too soon, wedding questioned...i didnt see the word love but i do recognize that you said cant live without him. is the anxiety/depression crashing the event or is the event crashing into the depression etc. search your true heart, realize what you give to a relationship that is forever. You better yourself for you noone else....there will always be one relative that you cannot satisfy, usually its a few. See yourself as a great person just the way you are. For you and noone else. you see goodness in others now turn that mirror to you. i feel your compassion all this way here. that is special. we are with you. you have us as a team although i do not get on often because of health. Know prayers go out to all....be glad to chat. Oct 6 a great day...I hope you shared this with your fiance because

[HJam5880 in reply to jackiesj]

I don’t know where the depression is coming from but it’s getting in the way of the wedding. I can’t be happy and excited about it because of the depression. I want the wedding to go as best as possible (perfect is not realistic). I love him and in happy with him. I’m so depressed I can’t even really put my thoughts into words and explain how I’m feeling.

I do know I feel as though you guys are the only ones who care and understand. My fiancé cares but he doesn’t understand what I’m feeling and that’s mostly because I just can’t put it into words.

[Hidden in reply to HJam5880]

Forgive me. You say:

I don’t know where the depression is coming from but it’s getting in the way of the wedding

Are you sure that the wedding isn’t getting in the way of the depression?

Many years ago I backed out of my wedding just two weeks before the big day. I couldn’t get my head sorted out but as soon as I made that decision, my head sorted itself out.

Just a thought.

[gettingsomewhere in reply to Hidden]

Wow that was a brave thing to do!

[gettingsomewhere]

Hi I'm sorry to read you're struggling.

Preparing for a wedding can be very stressful. Just wondering if this is your way of somehow coping.....only a thought. Wishing you all the best.

[Chris0214]

I'm so sorry you're feeling this way right now. It’s clear you’re going through a lot, and it’s understandable that you’d feel overwhelmed, especially with the stress of the upcoming wedding. My wife went through something similar, and a friend recommended she see a specialist in women’s health. They ran a thorough check, including hormone levels, and it turned out she had some imbalances. The doctor started her on hormone therapy and put her on a diet that cut out alcohol and sugar. Within about a month, she was feeling so much better—like 90% better. She’s also on low doses of Wellbutrin and Zoloft, which have helped her manage things.

Therapy can be effective, but finding the right therapist really matters. I know it can be hard to keep trying when things feel heavy, but I encourage you to talk to a doctor about what’s going on. You deserve to feel better and have the support to get through this. I’m here for you and want you to know you’re not alone. Even when it feels like the world is closing in, there are people who care deeply about you. Please take care of yourself—you’re important, and you matter.