I’m feeling overwhelmed. There are just a ton of things going wrong that I can’t seem to do anything about. (Some of it is just too detailed to go into. Other stuff is too embarrassing. Since it’s the weekend I can’t really make any progress on a lot of it.
To make matters worse, I had someone bail on “doing” lunch. (I have VERY limited social contacts… basically only two couples… all other friends live in other cities!) So now I’m at “loose ends.” I’ve written a list of things to do — 15 items and growing — but everything seems so pointless.
I know this all sounds trivial but I feel like I’m at my wits end. Life feels so pointless and full of bad things that can potentially happen. I feel like there’s really no good reason for me to be alive other than taking care of my cat. I even feel like my elderly father doesn’t need me around to take care of him. I’m on the verge of breaking down every time I think about how I’d be better off dead. (Note: I’m not suicidal per se. I just feel like I might as well be dead.)