Awake at 4:00am, can barely sleep these days.

[wittsend0]

Awake at 4:00am, caused by a dream about no one showing to a party i threw in high school, that was 40 years ago.

I had friends in elementary and junior high, by high school relationships had become few. Which I didn’t recognize at the time.

Now I’m 57 with no friends. Just my partner and it’s not a healthy relationship. Don’t know, it could all be me. God knows I’m not healthy. I’ve been depressed since I was 10 years old. Been to counseling tried antidepressants, read self help, tried things like this site.

Although I don’t have the strength to end my life I have thought about dying nearly everyday since the age of ten.

Seems most choices I’ve made in life have been bad.

I know it’s it’s all relative and I have succeeded in life better then many, but can’t get passed the depression. I’m miserable and have been for nearly 50 years .

Thanks for listening.

[detour13]

I hear you.. I have been dealing with panic attacks since I was 18. I do not wish it on my worst enemy.. Sorry to hear what your going thru.. But u know your not alone.. And I'm 53 ..

[Freedom57]

Good morning 🌤

You have a new friend here you’ve never met walking in your shoes

I’m 57, have recurring bad dreams of high school of not graduating even tho I did

I left a bad relationship almost 6 months ago

I’ve lost most of my friends because of my poor choices while on a path of self destruction.

I’ve hurt my adult children also while I was covering up my pain through medicating with alcohol and flings with men after their father died

I now have much guilt and shame for harming people I loved but truthfully I hated myself at the same time

Now I find myself rebuilding a life with the help of my therapist. I’m taking care of me, taking my medication, eating healthy food, exercising, meditating etc

Today, I will start writing heartfelt amends to all the people I’ve hurt, especially my three children that needed me at a time in their lives when I checked out and wasn’t there.

[Freedom57 in reply to Freedom57]

If you need someone to talk to send me a message, you are not alone my friend, and you can change your life at 57, and make it one worth living ❤️