Tired of pretending!

[Troubled95]

Hey! I’ve recently finished med school. I thought I’d be doing really great things in my 20s but I feel so stuck.

I feel hopeless and depressed. I can’t sleep. I once used to be full of self love and appreciation but recently I’ve been looking for love in such terrible places. I’m tired of pretending to be the strong, independent woman what everyone wants me to be.

I really crave a gentle touch, I crave a soothing conversation. I’ve let men walk in and out of my life hoping that someone could blur the unexplainable pain but I regret and feel like shit about myself now.

I don’t know what I’m done. I’ve tried and I’m really tired now. It’s eating me up.

It’s not just about love, it’s just that I feel so unsure about everything and I feel terrible lonely and alone. As I walk further I feel like the road is getting narrower and suffocating me!

I don’t know how writing about this will help but I sure hope that I feel better

[knittingninja]

I can't identify with your pain, but know that it is very real. Remember, that others may read this post and identify, but not respond. I wish you well.

[Troubled95 in reply to knittingninja]

Thank you for your reply! Really appreciate it

[JapaneseFuton]

Congrats on your accomplishment! Finishing so many years of hard work and dedication is an amazing milestone. It may be hard to imagine at this moment but so much is ahead of you in the coming years. Sometimes after an emotionally high event like graduation, it can be followed by a significant feeling of letdown. It also may be that you are having a normal response to the transition period into the next life stage. Change can be so unsettling especially when experienced alone.

Can you take steps to meet new people or get involved with activities that will enable you to meet other young, single professionals? Do you have active Meetup groups where you are? When I lived on the west coast there were lots of social meetups for hiking, concert, culture. Or maybe you can start one yourself. I learned over the years that getting involved made it easier to meet people with similar interests.

I hope you can find peace and new friendships to help ease these feelings.

[Troubled95 in reply to JapaneseFuton]

Thank you for your concern and your reply. It fills my heart that there are so many people here that are standing by other strangers.

I live in Middle East at the moment and the rules here are pretty strict. We don’t have a very active life. It’s regulated.

But I promise to fight hard. At least with the strength the people here are giving me.

Have a nice day!

[artistinresidence in reply to Troubled95]

If you can check out Dr Caroline Leaf, neuroscientist that has a 21day brain dexot program (very very inexpensive). Switching out our toxic thoughts..retraining ...its amazing program. I did the online program three times to strengthen what I was learning.

I totally understand what you r feeling.

[Troubled95 in reply to artistinresidence]

Thank you for you advice. I’ll definitely look into it! I’m so overwhelmed by all the support

[artistinresidence in reply to Troubled95]

What's great about the responses is you can shift thru them a little at a time and think on the interactions. You control your stimulation. Whatever fits. Be comfortable.

[UFC80]

It sounds like you are dealing with Depression to me. A Psychiatrist is what you need now to have a diagnosis. With that, you can start recovery. A Therapist and Psychiatrist. You took a good step by coming in this support group! The people in here are like you and we all help each other out! As you reach out for mental health providers, services continue to post here when you are feeling down. You will Recover Dear!! 😁😊🤗👍

[Troubled95 in reply to UFC80]

Hey. I’ve genuinely considered counselling and therapy. Being a doctor I shouldn’t shy away from mental health.

Problem is my parents are really amazing but they don’t really know how to handle mental health issues.

They think if I’m mentally upset, it somehow is because they’re not good enough parents. I’ve tried explaining to them that therapy might help. But I don’t think they understand.

Thank you for your reply! I will try to fight hard

[artistinresidence in reply to Troubled95]

Theres a recording artist ..lauren Daigle "You Say" you will be blessed.

[Crazyreader]

You are so young and looked at all you have done. It could not have been easy to get through med school! Give your self a big pat on the back. Maybe all the stress of school and work have worn you down. step back and take a break. Give your self some time to breathe and think things over for a few weeks. Someone told me recently that we have to love and care for ourselves before someone else can. I Will say a prayer for you and hope you find some peace. I think you are awesome!

[Troubled95 in reply to Crazyreader]

Thank you for your appreciation! I’m touched by the love and concern I’m getting from the people here.

I am taking a break right now to reflect on myself and hold myself. Thing is, I’m just exhausted. I don’t share these with people close to me because I’m the “strong, independent woman who’s got it all” according to others. They think I shouldn’t have anything to complain. So I shut myself down.

I will try to work on myself.

Have a good day

[pink83737]

I know how you feel 😔

[Want2BHappy3]

First congratulations on this accomplishment you should be proud of yourself for that. Maybe you need some downtime after that to reflect. That was intense. Get your thoughts clear, seek Counseling? Imagine what gift you're going to give to society.

[Troubled95 in reply to Want2BHappy3]

Hey! Thank you for your kind words. I am taking a break from everything. I don’t see it helping much.

But from the strength you all are giving me, I’m going to fight harder to overcome this.

Since I stay with my parents and in Middle East, counselling is a little difficult to seek. But I’ll try my best to do better than this.

[Want2BHappy3 in reply to Troubled95]

You're welcome, we're here for each other. Don't Force things, listen to your favorite music, take up a Hobby, distract yourself. Then it will come. Check in sometime like to know how your doing? Take Care, Doc ..lol

[Troubled95 in reply to Want2BHappy3]

Will do!

[Magicdreamer]

Hi. I can completely relate to how you're feeling. Im feeling the same way. I feel as though nothing I ever do is good enough. I went for a job interview yesterday so I'm waiting for a response. I'm trying to accept myself as I am without wanting anything else because there's actually nothing than can make me more and nothing that can make me less but it feels like I've put so much investment into what's outside of me that I'm feeling lonely and dispondent today. I'm busy reading The Ugly Duckling' by Hans Christian Anderson as that how I'm feeling... Like I don't belong..,. I hope this helps you see that you're not alone. Xxx

[Troubled95 in reply to Magicdreamer]

Firstly, good luck! Let’s hope for the best.

And thank you for staying by me and helping me see that I’m not alone.

And I want to tell you that you’re not alone too.

I think this whole phase of uncertainty and no stability drives people crazy.

We will get out of this stronger and wiser.

Take care! Have a good day

[Magicdreamer in reply to Troubled95]

Thank you. It's learning to love myself and be my own motivation when I'm feeling down which is hard.... So, just being thee for myself is enough so gonna try this today... Thank you for posting your story as I'm helping myself as I respond so thank you. I hope your day is glorious. Xxx

[sochel in reply to Troubled95]

Unfortunately depression isolates even the most popular person, you can be surrounded by lovely people and still feel cripplingly lonely, that is the cruelness of this horrible illness, so never beat yourself up for feeling that, as other people say, take time for yourself and try to be kind to yourself, and keep reaching out on here, take care

[Pearl67 in reply to Magicdreamer]

Perhaps “The Little Engine That Could,” would be a better choice! Something to inspire☺️

[Magicdreamer in reply to Pearl67]

I just read it now. Lol! Thank you.xxx

[Pearl67]

I think med school alone causes a LOT of mental/emotional trouble for many! I know the states the statistics are very high for mental health issues during training, so I am not surprised. Perhaps this is your mind/bodies’ time to heal?! Allowing the stress of training to surface and let it go.

It is hard not “living up” to the expectation of others!!!! And we mustn’t if we are to find peace.

I hope you can seek out a trusted friend/counselor to help you through this time! You will be stronger and more compassionate in your care of others soon!

[Troubled95 in reply to Pearl67]

I definitely agree with you on this. I hope this break heals me and helps me get better. Thank you for the overwhelming support and love. I’m really touched.

[Emmlish]

I can really relate to what you're saying. Sometimes it's so hard to deal with all of these walks of life alone. We have our friends and we might have our parents or family but if the need is strong and powerful enough inside, it's not their task to fill that hole. Try to give yourself some attention, if that doesn't sound too abstract. As somebody said, counseling is a great option, it might take time, but it's worth it oh so worth it. Take care <3

[Troubled95 in reply to Emmlish]

Yeah I don’t know how I got here. I seemed okay recently and suddenly I feel like I’m suffocating. I’m trying to get better by all the kind words I’m reading. I really feel less alone.

Thanks for your time and reply

[galletas]

OMG you're my twin, but I'm male and it was a PhD. I'm having success with seriously giving in to therapy, out patient group therapy, an anti-depressant, and an Asian tea called yellow kratom. Hope has returned. Mental stuck points have been identified. And, I want you to know you CAN overcome with help. You have a VERY powerful mind to complete med school (super congrats by the way) AND it can also feed you some major shit to deal with. I became such a critical thinker during the PhD days that I also became depressed, anxious, and some PTSD from childhood abuse suddenly appeared. My confidence fled. I was feeling irrational guilt. I could write a freaking novel on this phase of my life. I'm thinking that seeking out professional, medical, and nutritional support will not only save you from mental anguish, this all will make you one hell of a medical practitioner and educator like none other. Sending all my best your way!!

[Troubled95]

Thank you for your time and sweet words. I am trying to get better and hopeful feel less alone and stressed

I think I imagined my 20s to be really different than what it is and that gap between reality and my imagination was too much.

I’m trying to be more forgiving and accepting my myself for everything I am.

I hope you’re doing good and congrats on your PhD

[ciel1012]

Hi,I understand how you feel when talking about being tired of pretending and craving for a gentle touch...I think that you might be depressed also,it would be good to see a counselor,it could help. Take care🙂

[Troubled95 in reply to ciel1012]

Thank you! I’ve been trying to deal with it, don’t know if it’s getting better!

[Muroxe]

I'am in a similar position at the moment. I, too, graduated from my education and even though I'm atleast pretty sure of what to do next, I feel unsafe and unsecure of my future. But I guess that's to be expected..... But I really don't like the feeling....

[Troubled95 in reply to Muroxe]

Also congratulations on your graduation

[Troubled95 in reply to Muroxe]

I know how that it. The uncertainty is never a great feeling. I think it’s amazing that we’re all trying to push each other in the better direction. Hang on strong!

[Muroxe]

Thx And you. How are you now?