Me

[Xshleuu]

Hi, I’ve you never done anything like this before. I guess I’ll just tell my story. I’ve been depressed for 11 months. I know what triggered my depression & I’ve moved past that. I have a therapist (he’s a great guy) I see him once a week & I take medicine twice a day. I have a great group of friends who always support me, but I push them away. My family supports me & wants me to get better. I’m doing good in school, I play a sport & I enjoy it a lot. I have a part time job & love the people I work with. I have a good life right now. I had a rough childhood, but I’ve moved past it. It doesn’t haunt me anymore. But somehow with all the happiness I have in my life I’m still so depressed. I’m such a people pleaser but I can’t seem to please myself. No matter what I try to be happy it never works out. It’s like I’m in a hole & no matter how much I try to climb out i end up deeper then I was before. I’m not currently suicidal but I have been before. I’ve attempted multiple times. I know it’s not my only option, but it seemed like such a good one. There’s a quote that I really like bc I feel as if i can relate to it. It’s “I don’t want to live, but I’m too scared to die” I know that if I killed myself it would affect everyone I know. I’m not an outsider. I have plenty of friends. I’m involved in school activities. I do community service. Nothing I do seems to help tho. I’ve been in therapy since August & on medicine since June. I want to be happy, I really do it’s just very hard to. I try to find a thing everyday when I wake up that makes me happy & that thing is what gets me through the day. However lately it’s getting harder & harder to find something & it scares me. Im scared if i dont find that one thing I’ll fall apart. I cope by listening to music & writing poems, but I just feel lost & alone, despite all the people I have around me.

[Starry]

Big hugs XXX welcome to the group. You are not alone.

[Tarabell73]

Wow... good for you to not give up on life yet... I promise it will get better and you will find joy. Give yourself a break... depression is really hard but you are coping each day. I don't know you but the only thing that ever filled that void for me was God. Somehow when you have good things going into your mind like music that is uplifting, or good TV shows, that becomes a part of you.... studies show if you can write 5 things down that you are grateful for each day depression is decreased by 25% in those that did that daily. Even if it's stupid silly things.... green lights in traffic, employment when so many are unemployed, fuzzy socks... (you get it but that's the idea) hang in there!

[Xshleuu in reply to Tarabell73]

Thank you, I’ll try the 5 things a day

[Kimbobellar]

Your breaking my heart...i feel like im reading something my daughter wrote. You have to find that thing...the it factor so to speak...what makes you happy..you spoke of writing...ever consider writing poems for a living...maybe thats it...you never know...whatever it is that makes you happy you can make that your focus ..i would love to read something you have written

[Hidden]

Don’t give up I know it’s hard I’m the same way but I’m trying day by day especially cuz my kids need their mommy! You can do it! I believe in you and I hope you over come this sending u a tight hug and a prayer! 🙏

[LordranBound]

Try not to try to be happy, if that makes sense. You're trying to feel better so you mind keeps checking,"do I feel better?" Chances are, if you're depressed, the answer is No, which makes you feel worse. Try to just be. Try the book, The Mindful Way Through Depression. Even if you don't do the meditation the insight of the first few chapters is great. Good luck, don't give up!!

[Florida1959]

Welcome, this is a great group, so tell us 3 good things about yourself, x

[Hidden]

Hiya, it sounds like you have a lot to offer the world. Be patient, be kind to yourself and keep posting and sharing. Take care,

[Windy101]

Welcome! You'll definitely find that you're not alone here. As I read your note I saw that you say "I've moved past that" twice - were you depressed before those events happened? If not, maybe you need just a little more work on them. At any rate, so glad that you are here and I look forward to getting to know you better!

[Xshleuu in reply to Windy101]

I was depressed for a bit after the events that took place, but that was when I was 7. I got out of it for about 8 years & then I was diagnosed w depression again.