Lonely: Feeling lonely. It’s been a few... - Anxiety and Depre...

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Lonely

KatieC311
KatieC311

Feeling lonely.

It’s been a few years since I realize the friends I had made in high school weren’t really friends. I cut all of the people I thought were toxic to me out of my life. I’m only left with a couple friends, and sometimes I feel like I’m a burden to them. I struggle with depression. When I do find the strength to try to make plans with them, this is how it goes:

Me: “have any plans today, I’d love to get together!”

Them: “oh not yet, I’ll let you know later if I’m free.”

Then i don’t hear from them. This happens a lot. It’s like was my invitation to hang out not a plan? I feel like they want to see if something better comes along. And it always does.

I used to be fun. I used to enjoy things. Now I find myself doing everything alone. I have a lot of hobbies and do keep myself pretty busy. But it’s lonelg going to paint pottery and stuff alone while other people there are with friends.

Thanks for listening.

16 Replies
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I’m so sorry KatieC311. I completely understand. The very same thing happens to me, I truly know the loneliness that you feel. Sending Hugs to you!🤗💕

Hidden
Hidden

I'm the same, I even though I am in a relationship and it's great, I have lost touch with friends I have known for 40 years or more. My oldest friend lives across from me and we only see each other a few times a year. I know that losing touch with people happens and as we grow older we get busier with other things, but I would be nice to do things with friends more often.

I'm like you, I do most of the things I enjoy on my own.. exercise, art, mountains etc. I do still enjoy it.

The pottery painting sounds interesting. ☺️

I have noticed something recently, I might be wrong though. People who have an artistic/ creative side to them seem to spend a lot of time alone..have you ever noticed it?

KatieC311
KatieC311 in reply to Hidden

I’m in a relationship too, happily living together! feeling lonely because of the loss of friends regardless. Maybe you’re right about the artistic thing. I have a non local friend who is also artistic and she finds it difficult to find friends also.

Hidden
Hidden in reply to KatieC311

Are we introverts?

KatieC311
KatieC311 in reply to Hidden

Possibly

Hidden
Hidden

Some of us are trying to get a group chat going on here in the private messages.. if you are interested let me know..

You are welcome too SA192461

SA192461
SA192461 in reply to Hidden

I’m lonely because after 30 years my husband wants a divorce..and I’ve lost his family too. My family lives 3,000 miles away. I’m having to purge our home so we can sell it..and doing it alone. I’ve also started a full time job, but after just 2 long days, the physical labor is too much for my back.. I’m trying to breathe and stay positive.. but i feel so overwhelmed, now in physical pain and so discouraged. I’d be interested in the private message group...I’m so lonely.

Hidden
Hidden in reply to SA192461

Ok. If we manage to get it going we will try to add you into it.

Look into stretches for that back pain.

Ahh I do empathise Katie, because it's the same for me. I have gradually cut out of my life, the people who've hurt n used me. Decided I just don't need it in my life now. So I Paint n do Crafts and garden alone. I think that people some how fear that our depression/ anxiety will some how rub off on them. Like that will be tarred with the same Brush. Odd attitude to have. But, they dislike us because we are different. Best of wishes 😊✌️🌻

Hidden
Hidden in reply to Dubba61

Another creative person who spends a lot of time alone, I had mentioned this to Katie in a reply above...

KatieC311
KatieC311 in reply to Dubba61

All so true! It is better overall for us to cut those negative people out. I guess maybe I just figured it would be easier to find good people to replace them with! Funny, now that I think about it.

Yes, good people are hard to find. These days people are often Self obsessed and envious. It makes them unhappy and unkind. I find it hard to meet nice people too. But there are still some our there and on here. Your not alone Katie. I find that I take a very long time and a very good look at how people treat n talk about others, before.i call them Friend. 😊✌️🌻

A couple of thoughts...

Instead of an open ended question to your friends, you could say something like "I was thinking about seeing xx movie or seeing xx concert, do you want to go?" They may be more committal to definite plans.

I had two different perspectives given to me about my situation. I have a 12 year old daughter that I have had custody for six years. I broke up with her mom 10 years ago. I haven't dated since (embarrassing to admit). I have used raising my daughter as an excuse why i haven't dated but I'm just scared. Anyway, I sometime feel sorry for myself but have had two people say they envy me. One was from my friend's wife (she just wants it to be herself and her daughter - obviously not a good marriage). The other was from a woman who lives by herself and always wanted kids but could never have them. You mentioned that you have a boyfriend and I envy you (not for a boyfriend, but a significant other).

KatieC311
KatieC311 in reply to Marshall64

Ok, I’ll try that next time.

That sounds tough but I’m thankful that you are so close to your daughter. I have a great relationship with my dad but my step mother gets in the way and is rotten towards me. I love our alone time together but it doesn’t happen often. As far as my relationship goes, mike is amazing. I don’t know what I did to deserve him, and sometimes I think that I don’t. I usually push people away that care about me, but as I’ve gotten older I’ve gotten better about not doing that. When you’re ready, the dating scene will be there.

i also feel that im unwanted when im with my friends too. it sucks at that time and i feel to be alone and not talk to them anymore but what to do..then i have to go talk to them becoz they start showing attitude or get mad at me as im being less concerned for my frnds.

Dear Katie, sounds like you need new friends, some who will want to spend time with you and not use you as a back up. That's just not how friends treat friends. Reach out to others who are lonely and you will find true friends that need you too. I always looked for the one sitting alone in a crowd either at church or a family gathering or an event. They made great friends whereas the ones in the center of crowd just didn't always. Some of my best friends were not necessarily the ones I would have picked at first, but once I got to know them, I loved their heart. Get involved in group activities of your interests and you will find like minded people. =) Hang in there, you are a treasure and worth getting to hang out with!

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