So I was diagnosed with generalized anxiety disorder, OCD, & mild depression like 8 years ago, I went to therapy for almost 3 years, I had one main therapist and some specialized helpers. Ever since I was a kid I was always very anxious, constantly scanning my surroundings and always scared of being attacked or killed. most of that came from my dad because he is very anxious and superstitious so I learned it at a very young age... He would always go outside and stare at people that looked suspicious and was constantly thinking my mom is cheating on him. Anyways after my years at therapy I felt I was able to manage my anxiety, my OCD & depression was gone so I ended it there. I went a couple years completely fine until a misunderstanding a few months ago. Now when I'm somewhere every little thing that happens around me I find suspicious and when I go somewhere I think it's a setup! My therapist did say I was self centered which is the main fuel for my anxiety. I once herd a neighbor say watch your back to someone now I think they're part of it too! I create these scenarios of me being attacked when I'm I public and I hate it, they are all stupid and highly unlikely to happen. Most recently being avalanched by a cartel and being taken out with tons of rounds... or being kidnapped & getting my head chopped off, what is wrong with me? These scenerios also play out vividly in my nightmares. It doesn't seem logical, it's been months since the incident.
I manage to calm down after I make it back home, I'm pretty religious and know God is protecting me but these thoughts still come up! I really don't want to go back to therapy, my therapist warned that once you get GAD it's incurable only manageable so I don't see much reason to go back or I'll just spend my whole life in therapy. I just need something to calm me down on the spot and not after, I hate adrenaline! Especially when it's not actually needed!
Ramble on
Things have gotten bad again
Severe Anxiety
Fearful thoughts and feelings and a huge lack of motivation
