Feels like a stroke. Had terrible therapy. Trying to break up with her but she's not letting me go

[Against_the_current]

I'm thinking i need a new therapist and just now had a session with my old that i Absolutely hate. She was late but i was actually happy she was because i dread therapy and then i stayed silent to see If she's gonna tell me something because i feel like this therapy is just me venting and losing my mind. And she thought my silence is punishing her for her being late, while i really don't care, i was relieved she was late and said harsh things. I told her i don't care about being late and i can't do this no more and i need remedy not more digging or fixing, i'm not in the coundidion to be fixed. She got like mad at me and yelled "when are you gonna stop being tortured". Then i started crying and she finally got a bit sence that it's too much for me. I want to change her, i don't want to work with her more, i want to choose a new one but i can't because i'm traumatized of her, and this is making me worse and more frustrated at her and this frustrated her at me.

And it's phone therapy, my roommate got back during the session and i was in the other room. I'm scared she heard and thinks i'm a psychopath or something. I really need a therapist with an office at least, but she(my current therapist) isn't letting me break up with her.

[Against_the_current]

Right? But she wants to

[Blueruth]

She may have been frustrated (which happens) but my friend I challenge you…she asked a good question. Maybe you can’t leave because you know that in your heart.

[Against_the_current in reply to Blueruth]

I don't know, i feel toi overwhelmed rn

[Blueruth in reply to Against_the_current]

Work it out with her. You can always leave but when I get upset like that I have learned that it is as much me as them. When that happens the pattern repeats over and over again. Might as well take this as an opportunity. Once you are calm and you understand better about where she is coming from you can make a better decision.

[Against_the_current in reply to Blueruth]

I need to calm

[Blueruth in reply to Against_the_current]

agreed.

[Against_the_current]

Minimum tax but yeah it can be a factor

[Chopper21]

I. I kind of went through that with my therapist. We were together for a long time and then she retired. I know that it’s hard and it’s painful and I would get so annoyed with her. She just kept digging and digging and digging but what I found was that the awareness and getting deep inside like that does relieve anxiety and stress. It’s when you don’t look at them and a lot of this is unconscious when you don’t look at them then it comes out another ways. I don’t know if this will be helpful to you it’s been my experience and I just wanted to let you know good luck to you

[Against_the_current in reply to Chopper21]

Thanks. I just am hurting from so much digging in the wounds and no Treatment

[Chopper21 in reply to Against_the_current]

I get and with it just might not be a good fit. It’s a relationship like any other relationship. If’s not working then you need to move on. I don’t want you to feel bad about it. You take care of yourself. Lots of luck to you

[Against_the_current in reply to Chopper21]

Thank you