Hello everyone. Before I actually talk about my issue I’d like to introduce myself as im new here. My name is Aquatics, I have generalized anxiety and depression and my therapist suspects some form of ADHD / OCD as well as some kind of mental processing disorder. Im in therapy weekly and on medication.
anyways onto what’s going on. This past week things have gotten pretty bad for me. I’ve been out of work since last Thursday because of a minor virus I picked up (not Covid). I’ve felt fine since Sunday but given I still am having symptoms I can’t go back. Truthfully I think many of these symptoms are from my mental health over this time. Im just so constantly stressed and feel so hopeless and down all the time. I have massive anxiety about going into work even though I want to go back. I just dont know what to do or how to cope. I’d be very open to anyone willing to chat.
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health and mental health comes first. You can get job any time. My brother taking time off from work to recover. Also to get help for ADHD/OCD. Therapy or something might be good idea. I know you can if willing to get good therapy
How do I take that time though. How do I explain that to my parents and work? I don’t want my parents knowing I’m struggling again - it was one of the most painful things I’ve ever experienced seeing the pain on my mothers face as she found out I was struggling so much. I am feeling physical pain right now from everything, I don’t know what I’m supposed to do
I kept my panic disorder and GAD a secret for a really long time. From my parents, my friends, work… everyone. The only people who knew were my doctor, therapist and husband. It made things so much harder. The added stress of not having a reason why I couldn’t do things caused me many years of silent suffering and put a huge strain on my marriage because it was all on my husband. You need to tell your parents. Even if they don’t understand completely. It isn’t some dirty little secret to be ashamed of and a full support system is key to recovery. I agree with the other commenters, mental health and physical health are #1. We all sometimes need to stop, regroup and figure things out. If they won’t give you time off then quit. Jobs come and go. Stressing an already frazzled nervous system with things that can be fixed only adds longer to recovery.
Welcome. You are in the right place. You are not alone with your anxiety and depression. I am glad you are in therapy. If you take the time to read through these posts, you will get a lot of suggestions for coping skills. I am curious what you have already tried and what you are working on in therapy.
Hi Aquatics. I hate anxiety around work. I actually had a breakdown and quit my job and went to an inpatient therapy place for a few weeks about a year ago now. Probably one of the best things I have ever done. I was open with HR that I was struggling with mental health and tearfully told my team members that I was struggling to have any will at all to live. They couldn't really help me work out a way to keep my job, but they were very understanding and helped me set up the COBRA payments to keep the same insurance. When I got out I was actually lucky enough to get my job back. I probably would have had to quit to go anyway since I had less than a year in my job so I did not qualify for FMLA. Anyway, I think that you will find that people are very understanding if you can talk to your HR department at work. Your therapist may be able to help you draft a note for your work or your parents. Then maybe you can work something out with your work and your parents. Inpatient therapy places are expensive, but I was pretty suicidal and not leaving the bed so it was time for me to do somethiing drastic. Admittedly my wife got it all squared away for me.
As a parent I would bet that your mom would rather know the truth about your situation than think that you are doing fine and being unaware. You can make sure to state to her that it is hard for you to tell her you are struggling because you feel that it hurts her deeply. I would ask her too if she would rather you could tell her how you feel or keep it to yourself. Then you can know for sure how she feels.
I am sorry that you are going through it right now, know that you are not alone and that there are ways to help things get better. I would try to maybe get therapy twice a week if you can or join a support group. There are many many things to try, and know that one of them at least will help you.
I like a book called "Get out of your mind and into your life" by Steven Hayes.
Thank you everyone for all your advice. Allow to explain some more backstory and give some more context.
My mother asks me almost everyday if everything is ok. She cares - she wants to know. I have always considered myself responsible for my mother happiness (something I am trying to stop doing), but my mother also has that same trait with me. When something is wrong with either one of us the other one becomes extremely pained and wonders what they did - or didn’t do. [TRIGGER WARNING FOR THE NEXT SENTENCE]: a year ago when I showed my mom that I had been self harming I could see how much pain she was in. Even if she never told me I know she wonders what she could have done differently to help me. [TRIGGER WARNING AGAIN] If I told her again now that I’m struggling with thoughts of doing that again and wanting to not exist I know it would pain her the same.
I haven’t told ANYONE about what’s going on right now. Not my parents, therapist, doctors - anyone. In part because I feel I have no reason to be feeling this way. I just graduated and went on a two and a half week vacation. I haven’t even gone a full week of full time work since we got back. I’m not being abused, I’m not struggling in any way shape or form. Yet I struggle to get out of bed in the morning and have no interest in doing almost anything. In fact the only thing I do seem to enjoy is my primary hobby which I can only enjoy at home. And the issue with that hobby is that - aside from watching - I can’t do things with it everyday,
I also wonder what I would do in that month. One of the biggest things I’m struggling with is immense loniless and longing for a relationship. The cure for that can’t be forced and I feel like staying home for a month wouldn’t help. Also going to work doesn’t help because of the type of work I do.
EDIT: I realized I just ranted. I think all your suggestions are good, I just don’t know how well other people would understand. Even a year ago when I had my incident I didn’t stop going to school and doing other stuff.
You said you haven't told anyone about what's going on right now. Including your therapist and doctors because you have no reason to be feeling this way. You don't need to have a reason for feeling this way. You feel the way you feel and that is what is important. Please, please be open and honest with your therapist and doctors they can't help you if you don't let them. I am glad you are being honest here. If you are able to keep going to work then keep going. You do not have to stay home for a month if that wouldn't help you. you are not responsible for your Mother's happiness. You are not doing anything wrong by going through a difficult time. Please consider calling a crisis line. You are not alone.
I just spoke with a crisis line, and spoke briefly with my mother because she insisted. The crisis line was a lot of help, my mother was supportive but it didn’t go super well. I didn’t say everything, just that I was struggling with coping with general things - I didn’t really get into it. She is very against the idea of me leaving work or going on mental leave and I don’t think she is a big fan of my therapist. She worries about me and I have recently started to differ in my opinions of what is considered “safe and smart” from her. My therapist recommended to me to try online dating given my struggle with loneliness which my mother is very against. She did not prohibit me, but she does not like the idea of that. She thinks it’s unsafe - which it is to an extent. But I’m being smart, I’m telling people where I’m going and who I’m supposed to be meeting with. She says that she will not be ok if she (my therapist) tells me I should take a break from work or travel or something. That that is not going to happen. Maybe that would change if I told her everything, idk.
EDIT: I also went for a drive to a ball field tonight to get my mind off things and to try to calm down (I was very stressed). My mother mentioned that she doesn’t want me to make a habit of it because it isn’t safe to do that (we live in a rural setting and the concern is wild animals). She also asked why I even want to go there instead of just go outside at the house to which I responded that I guess it just feels more separated. Her response to that was to say that she was sorry that I don’t feel comfortable at the house. She says she wished she knew what they (her and my dad) were doing wrong to which I told her nothing and that I wished she would stop thinking that.
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Having bad anxiety attacks 
I’ve gotten some great advice
Feeling better...but having a hard time enjoying things
going into bad phase again
Panicked again badly
