My name is Christina. I have been suffering from depression and anxiety on and off since my mid twenties. I had four burnouts within the last 10 years, each time took me at least a good year to get my energy levels back up. I think the worst is my inner critic and my inner perfectionism which seem to really push my stress levels big time. Even when I am not doing much I always feel stressed or rushed. I have tried to be more compassionate with myself but let’s be honest, it takes time. I strongly believe it’s possible for me to live a life free of anxiety, stress, worry and depression but it takes time, effort and commitment.
I have tried medication, therapy (trauma therapy, cognitive behavior therapy) but nothing really helped. Now, at age 36, I am seeking a more holistic approach which seems to make a difference when it comes to my depression and energy levels.
Due to the current world crisis my anxiety is back.
I have started to make a few lifestyle changes and hope this will help me in the long run. I have also started to say more “no” to things that aren’t feeling good or supporting my healing journey.
Does anyone have similar experience or a totally different one? I feel like therapy never really helped and sometimes made my depression even worst.
Ladybird, you are in the best address ever! Explore, read, engage, write posts and response and share what you feel and experiencing. This site is home for a tired and sore hearts. We all learn and grow supporting each other. Best to you, always!
Thank you so very much for your kind words and warm welcome. I am so happy I found this support group. I can’t wait to grow and learn from all of you. Thank you Orangeblossom85. 🥰
Thank you so much for your lovely comment. In terms of my holistic approach, I am now looking at myself as a whole rather than trying to just fix one condition or symptom. I have started to accept that things that worked for me in the past no longer work for me now. Instead of beating myself up I found new and different ways that seem work better. A more gentle approach seems to work for me now.
I used to go jogging every day but this year, I don’t feel like this is for me. So I did some research and I found a local
Qi Gong class in my area which seems to be more suitable for my body and soul’s current needs.
I have changed my water intake and drink only alkaline water, switched from coffee to decaf as too much coffee gives me anxiety. Just to name a few things but it all started with simple small changes. 😊
Hi I wondered if you have tried to do mindfulness. I find this very helpful. I too have suffered with this anxiety and depression for as long as I can remember. Hope this may be of help to you.
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Hi Mick8109, thank you for your response and your suggestion. I have tried mindfulness. In fact, I’m a meditation teacher but it’s easier to teach others than to do it myself. Especially with my anxiety it’s sometimes hard to concentrate but I do it from time to time. Do you meditate regularly? What do you do when you have a anxiety attack?
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I have been on a stress control course too which helped with my anxiety. We were taught to take a step back from the situation and slow your breathing right down. I know it’s difficult. I meditate every day if I can. Just for a short time.
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I also went to a tai chi class.Before COVID that is so I use some of the techniques I have learned from that.
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Oh that’s so amazing! I have heard about Qi Gong before and thought I’d give it a try. I feel it’s helping me a lot! She just started doing the classes with only a small group of people. Do you still practice it? I really love it! 😊
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That’s really good advice. I am trying an evening online class with a lady in the UK. It’s called are rebirth. It’s on hour long and it’s basically meditating and breathing together. I have only tried it once so far. Will do it again tomorrow evening. But basically breathing deeply and slowly is key. 😊
Thank you very much for opening up and sharing your story. I think it’s really powerful to share what we are going through with each other.
I have started to make a few lifestyle changes over the past few weeks. Because of my perfectionism, I feel always stressed, rushed and restless which leads to my neck and shoulder areas being very tense.
I started looking deeper. Not just trying to “fix” the symptom but rather than looking at my body mind and soul as a one.
I started looking beneath my symptoms
and wrote them all down. Once you start doing that, you not only start to realize that your whole system is connected, it’s also a very powerful exercise and a self-realization tool.
Since “normal medicine” and medication didn’t seem to help my symptoms and made me feel weird and different, I started looking at a more gentle approach using herbs and different remedies to fuel my body. I highly suggest asking yourself what feels right and what doesn’t because your gut knows. I decided to decide intuitively what is good for me and what no longer works.
I also use specific Qi Gong movements which help me bringing my Qi - my life energy into flow.
I also looked at the things I eat and drink, cut down on coffee, eat less meat and switched to drinking alkaline water and herbal teas only.
I journal every morning and doing a few yoga or Qi Gong movements to wake up my body.
It’s there any specific area you want to improve? I suggest taking baby steps. Start implementing small changes.
Maybe I can give you a few suggestions and support you on your healing journey. x 😊
wow it's amazing that you've found what works for you, i'm still searching for it
for me, when i feel depressed, i just make myself comfortable (mostly in bed with food and netflix) and wait it out because i haven't found the right fix for me
but your message opened me up to that side of self care and i have never tried that - so i might start trying x
i do exercise on and off but it's hard to maintain a routine when everyday is different and some days i can't even leave the bed
i just want to feel at peace and content, and make some lifestyle changes
my eating habits are bad, some days i'm very healthy and other days (my bad days) i eat unhealthily
i want to be able to get out of bed everyday and maintain a routine (e.g. exercise routine, better eating habits and at specific times)
sorry for rambling haha
anyway, thanks for your message and i'm glad you're doing well🥰
This is very similar to what i am like. I have always been extremely critical of almost everything i do and tried to make everything perfect. I analyze or overanalyze each situation. Over time it really started bothering me so i tried different solutions be it medications or behavioural therapy. Both helped but only somewhat.
One of the things i figured out is that there is something behavioural therapy does that makes sense but you have to go through a lot of changes(in many ways). For example i noticed that both my eating habits and the way i lived life affected me and i had to get a totally different mindset but maybe even more importantly, i had to start adopting real responsibility and face any fears head on instead of thinking that staying safe was the way to go. There is this idea that you are are a much tougher person than you think and that by thinking of the world as a playground with problems and you being the fixer of those problems, it can alleviate some of those anxiety and depression issues.
I used to have constant need to talk with people(over facebook, phone or other means) but due to the fact i now keep myself busy in all kinds of meaningful ways(not just to pass time), i hardly do that any longer. Why? Because i did all that to get away from responsibility and to hide from pain/suffering/etc..What does it do? It makes the problem worse especially long term. It's been a fairly short time but i'm getting there slowly by just facing whatever comes. I think of it this way..Even if something really bad were to happen to me, i have no control over any of that..But what i can control is the amount of effort i put into making my life way better by pushing through all the burden. And even though it's extremely difficult to accomplish, it does work and it actually strengthens you.
Having a certain amount of structure in your life also really helps..I used to be confused about my goals(going from one thing to another), the kinds of friends i should be around, etc. Having goals and structure in your life gives you meaning and when you have meaning it becomes much easier to have more happy moments than sad ones.
Also, you'll notice over time that perfectionist types eventually start caring less and less about being that way(i am slowly getting there after realizing how many people who seem way better than me have actually worse lives than i do). What matters to most folks out there is that you live life with meaning. Everything else is extremely overrated.
Hi what u said here is the most inspiring and helpful thing I’ve read on this site. Can you give me any information about what has been most helpful in developing this outlook on life. I particularly enjoyed the “life as a sandbox “ analogy- being a “fixer” unburdens some of the fear & anxiety I usually feel. Is this from therapy,?
Sorry for the late reply, i haven't even noticed this in my notifications until this morning. I'm glad that you find it helpful. Here are some of the things i would say helped me along the way...
I have a younger brother who has similar issues with depression and anxiety and over the last few years through his actions he has been an inspiration. Talking to people can help sometimes but when you take actions it's when you will see most benefit, especially long term..So it's important to keep it going as you make stronger connections and your brain will thank you later. So i started noticing his life change for the better and of course because we were in the same boat that made me start paying attention more.
There is that saying 'fear kills more dreams than failure ever will'. A lot of us are afraid to take even healthy risks because we are so afraid that we will fail, be embarrassed, judged, etc. Problem is that nothing good in life is gained without hard work and some risk taking. Fact is that those things that are worth going for require risk taking and so going out of your comfort zone is extremely important and healthy(because again, it eventually strengthens you).
Even though i started making some changes early on, certain psychologists you can find on youtube(like Jordan Peterson for example) really hammered home this idea of how we are suffering, bearing your burden, etc. There are 1000's of self help books you can read but if the author isn't convincing, it's all pretty much useless. You'll just go back to being the same. The difference with someone like Peterson is that he says things your brain automatically says "yes!", "correct!" so it makes this instant connection to things you know to be true but cannot articulate properly. He has a fairly easy to read book 12 Rules For Life: An Antidote To Chaos that has helped many. So even though i started my journey before i even found him, he has reaffirmed certain things i knew to be true and so that helped even more. I strongly suggest to anyone who is going through a very rough time to see some of his youtube lectures. I have seen comments of people that say he has saved them from hell.
Final thing is that we are social creatures and even for those who are more introverts(like myself for example), we need connections with other folks(and not just our own family). When i was very much into technology i used to think 'why do i even need to go out and socialize as everything can be done online'...It's all wrong. Your positive connections in the brain are made when you socialize in person because you can actually see certain things(behaviour, expressions, etc)...Because we can pretend to be anything we want while socializing online, none of that works and it actually makes us feel worse..so you can't trick your brain by pretending it's the same.
I realized over time that things that we had in the past are now being forgotten and being replaced by ideas that haven't been tested long term(like technology taking over, individuality becoming stronger and culture not mattering as much, religion being less important, etc). These things i always hated in the past because i grew up being all about tech, science, reason, etc. The issue is that this type of thinking even though it sounds extremely nice and positive, it adds a lot of noise to your life and it's extremely difficult to live that way. It's why i no longer criticize those who are into living a more structured life away from all the noise, finding ways to fix little things in their life and then venturing out to eventually fix bigger problems in their community..Those things have been tested over a long time and for most part they give people meaning. In fact, they did research that shows those who have a more conservative lifestyle are actually happier and have more meaning. It's why i also started being more into culture and now celebrate certain traditions that i never cared about in the past(i was born in the Balkans but live in Canada now).
Anyways, i apologize for the mess up there but hopefully at least some of it can be useful.
Thank you so much for sharing yo ur journey and for being so open about it. Sorry for my late response. It’s sometimes hard to keep up with all the messages (and being a perfectionist, I try to answer immediately of course- but I am getting better with it).
You are right, having goals and structure is really important. I have so many goals but no structure at the moment but I started making some changes to create that new routine and structure for myself. Step by step. I am also trying to distance myself from my dad who is an alcoholic, which is really hard but I am getting there. Of course, with having now the second lockdown in Germany, things are skittle bit more difficult but I will try and stick to my routines.
I am currently not taking any meditation. I take a lot of herbs and supplements to get my energy levels back up after my last burn out. Started working with a holistic practitioner which is really what I need at the moment, but of course it takes time to heal.
Totally understandable. I have been working on the whole routine and structure for awhile and even though i haven't perfected it, i have come a long way and so it's miles better now. As for the whole many goals. I hear you on that as well. I started making a list of things that needed to get done but started prioritizing and putting certain things way down my list (years from now). Reason being is that you get overwhelmed by so much work that you dont' end up doing anything properly (that focus is gone and you really need it).
It's always tough with family but at some point it becomes about what they can do for themselves and not what you can do for them. My father for example fixed his alcohol issues(drank from teen years till he was about 40) but the way it happened was when he got stopped by a cop for drunk driving. His license got taken away for like a year and after that he never took a sip of alcohol again. He only smokes now. I would say that at some point if you tried everything to be there for your father and he's making your and his life worse there isn't much you can do. We spend enough effort and energy in trying to make our lives more normal and so spending even more energy on others, most times it's pointless(especially if it's been going for a long time and the person is still the same).
Im glad you are getting better with the holistic approach. Keep doing it as long as you are feeling good and it's making a difference. Listening to how our body is responding to things we take is quite important.
Thanks for share your history, I identified myself a lot with that.
I have been doing therapy since 2007 with few gaps along this period and taking medicines as well.
I already have asked myself the same question. So, with many reflection I founded that maybe isn't that the therapy isn't working, but that the chalenges in my life have becoming bigger.
So, if the chalenges have becoming bigger, I have becoming bigger as well, even that this process is painfull.
I am in the same boat of feeling like therapy is making my depression worse along with the meds I have been prescribed. I have such a hard time trusting doctors, therapists, etc. because after all they are human and can only do their best. I am working on trusting my higher power and my own intuition to guide me instead of others. Thank you so much for sharing this!
I too had many therapies that didn't work, and left me feeling that I cant change. We are indeed on a healing journey of our own making. Keep on your path. You know best what you need and seek that out.
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