Grief and Depression are not a good combo

[NewBeginning1]

Hi everyone, this is my first time here, and here is my story.

I am 29, have a good career, big family and used to have tons of friends. I work hard and always give a 110%. I was diagnosed with depression 5 years ago and was mostly stable on meds and/or therapy. However, 2 years ago my father passed away, which triggered the worst two years of my life.

I buried my grief since I was determined to finish my last year of collage on time. However, right after graduation on May,2017, i crashed mentally and emotionally. All the sudden, medications are not helping(tried several ones), no motivation to even move from bed, and socially isolated myself.

I lost my job for the first time in my life, I lost 99% of my friends because i never show up, and almost all my family are upset with. I am also pretty sure i was labeled “mentally unstable” by my own cousins. The worst thing is even when try to explain, even when i talk to them about my vulnerabilities, they don’t get it. My family loves me and care about me a lot, but they just don’t get it, and i am so sick of always having to explain myself, always having to ask for their forgiveness. I am seriously considering moving somewhere where no one knows me and have a fresh start, but when everyone is trying to tell you that you’re crazy, it’s hard not to start doubting your decisions.

[Hidden]

My heart goes out to you. I suffered a major job loss about a year ago and went into a depression, then I took a random job out of a desperation feeling and it was awful. I quit that job yesterday. There is an amazing counselor named Carl Benedict he has YouTube videos and he is a grief counselor as well as specializes in codependency, depression etc. I talk with him every weekend, it is $60/hour which is an amazing price considering what it costs usually, not to mention how good he is at what he does. I am realizing now at 39 that this is an opportunity for me to reinvent myself, to do something I’ve never done before. I think when life takes a major downturn and we are at the bottom, we either stay stuck there or we determine in our hearts it is time to become the butterfly. The butterfly must fight its way out of the cocoon into new life. Life is risk, it’s damn hard sometimes too. I don’t know the depths of your pain but I know how deep mine have been and it was scary deep. I pray you decide that you are going to fight for that new life, take that risk and live.

[hypercat54]

Hi I am so sorry to hear of the loss of your father. I wonder if this is unresolved grief which is contributing or even causing your depression. It might help you to look for bereavement counselling.

As far as your family go stop trying to explain to them as this is only adding to your issues. It's good you realise they love and care about you but it just means they either don't understand about depression or refuse to understand. This is quite common in loved ones unfortunately.

I would save your breath and only speak to any family/friends who do understand, your doctor, counsellor, and in here. x

[NewBeginning1 in reply to hypercat54]

Thank you for your response. Your advice makes sense to me. It feels good to know that i am not losing it. Thank you

[hypercat54 in reply to NewBeginning1]

Easier said than done I know but you have to start focusing on you and your feelings. Don't do anything which adds to your depression. Oh and you are not crazy - if you are then we all are here and I know I'm not at least xx

[NewBeginning1 in reply to hypercat54]

you’re right. Thank you.

[hypercat54 in reply to NewBeginning1]

Oh I am always right - not xx

[NewBeginning1 in reply to hypercat54]

Haha right enough for me at this point

[fauxartist]

I'm very sorry for your loss, and your not crazy...your dealing with depression....anyone who has it understands, and those that don''t...often don't want to understand. Social stigma plagues us all...blame, shame, and weak in character...it's all cruel and insensitive nonsense we have all endured. I'm sorry your going through this, but sharing here...your not alone.

[NewBeginning1 in reply to fauxartist]

I agree 100% with everything you said. They really seem to not want to understand, i have never thought of that, but it makes so much sense now that you mentioned it. Thank you so much!

[Rpan]

I’m so sorry you are feeling this way. I’m sure you will find ways to manage this pain. There is no right way to grieve. Depression is part of it. Give yourself permission to accept it, I’m sure you dad wants you to be happy, imagine what he would say to you if he were here. It’s possible your family is afraid to understand your discomfort. We all have some level of depression. Most just refuse to manage it so they just get busy doing things until they are so exhausted that they pass out. We choose to take it on,learn to manage it and accept we may not feel well. With regard to the medication, it’s just a tool. It’s not the cure all. You will find a way to manage the depression.

[NewBeginning1 in reply to Rpan]

Thanks you for your kind words. I didn’t know what to expect joining an online support group, but all of you have been kind and very supportive. I am very grateful for that!

[Shannon00444]

It’s hard. Even if you acknowledge that perhaps you’re a little irrational while you are trying to describe your feelings or what’s going on, people think you’re crazy. Usually by other crazy people that have no idea they’re crazy 😁 You’re aware of where you’re at, how you got there, and working on improvement. That’s commendable and I send you all the hugs and love in the world!! ❤️

[NewBeginning1 in reply to Shannon00444]

Yeah, they call you crazy. They also say that it’s all made up excuses so you won’t be held responsible for your actions. So in summary, you’re crazy, liar, irresponsible, and the list goes on lol. Annnnd then, you’re expected to apologize for being such a bad person😂💩💩

[Shannon00444 in reply to NewBeginning1]

I do apologize! And then make it very clear that I won’t be changing or getting better over night 🤓 but I’m trying. Who’s left in the end are the only ones that were worth getting well for besides myself. 😜

[NewBeginning1 in reply to Shannon00444]

I used to apologize too! But I have decided yesterday, after writing this post, that I won’t bother anymore. Either accept that I am dealing with a chronic nasty disease with those specific symptoms or leave. They act like we choose to be unhappy, like what kind of logic is that? 🤯

[getdowngetup]

Hello New Beginning1

Your post has given me a tear. That is a gift to me. Thank you so much for sharing as I see myself in your post and feel less alone.

I just wanna tell you:

This Unending Emotional Pain You Are In - IS NOT YOUR FAULT. IT IS AN ILLNESS.

Just as if one had epilepsy, MS or whooping cough- you are not at fault. Yes it is an unexplainable pain, and help is usually slow to come and often just experiments. True - what works for one But there are many things you WILL find that lessen the pain inside. Don't quit before the miracle. Help could be just ahead. Glad your here and again- THANK YOU