I'm new here, stressed about unemploy... - Anxiety and Depre...

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I'm new here, stressed about unemployment and issues with my anxiety/depression

Hello_Vivi profile image

I'm new to this community, just looking to speak to people who can understand what I'm going through. At the end of last month I relocated from FL to NY with my boyfriend who was offered a great job here. I had a good job in FL but was happy and excited to live in a new state and start a new life with him. I should add that I was previously in therapy and taking medication for both depression and anxiety, the meds abruptly stopped working and I had to give up therapy due to changes with my insurance. For the last few years I was not taking any meds or going to therapy but I guess you could say I was managing. Now I am in a new state, unemployed, and stressing about bills.

My anxiety is getting so bad, every job post I look at I am thinking "I can't do that" or start thinking of the worst-case scenario and convince myself not to bother applying. I know that I am in my own way and I don't know what to do. I just feel like an idiot for having these issues and feel as though I am being judged for not having found a job yet (my boyfriend's family has been trying to help me but they don't know about my mental health struggles). I am afraid of them finding out, I am ashamed that I'm not employed yet and even more ashamed that it's my own fault because I won't try. I've been crying all morning and just needed to get this off my chest. What do I do to help with my anxiety if I don't have a job and can't afford therapy or medication?

22 Replies

I'm sorry your hurting...and it's frustrating....but you may want to think about being open with the BF parents....sometimes when we are up front with our stuff, if it's appropriate and your safe doing this, ...people will then fill in the blanks so to speak....they may even be able to help you. There is nothing to be ashamed about the cards you were dealt at birth. This is not a disease you catch, it's not your fault...it's just the way your brain is wired. You have a chemical deficiency...no different that anything else...if you felt better on meds....make that a goal....figure out how to get back on meds....that's half the battle when looking for a job is that your feeling emotionally better.

Thank you for the kind words and advice. The thought of telling them terrifies me, they are very nice and generous people but I fear they wouldn't "get it", if that makes sense.

yeah...I totally understand that, that's why many of us don't openly share our stuff. Those here that have similar issues can relate...those that don't...it's like explaining what ice cream tastes like to a Martian unless they have tasted it.

lol that is a spot on analogy!

Hello, Vivi! I'm am sorry that you are feeling this way. I completely understand what you are going through. I am in the same situation. I am in the process of looking at employment and I get very anxious that I won't be able to do it. Even though I have lots of experience .

My low self esteem and anxiety make it difficult to get motivated. But I'm trying my best. I've been trying natural remedies because the meds I was prescribed helped with panic attacks but made feel hollow without emotions.

I am looking at alternative ways to treat myself. Signing up for this app was very helpful. I don't have any friends or family where I live. There are many others with similar experiences and they are supportive and have good advice.

I have done therapy before but I did not find it helpful. It was too slow and the advice was not helpful. I recommend CBT -cognitive Behavioral Therapy. There are workbooks you can find on Amazon.

I suggest a creating a worry journal. I would draw a line in the middle and write the problem and worries on the left and possible solutions on the right.

Also, download the info graphic on unhelpful thinking styles. I tend to do some of these behaviors

. You will try to counteract negative thoughts. challenge the negative thoughts.

-Self care is important. This is a transition in your life. Think back when you had to transition to high school. How scary was it. But you made it through.

I wish you the best. Take time to work through your anxiety and issues. When you do this, you will be able to accomplish a lot. Feel free to share your thoughts and concerns.

Hugs and Healing

😻 Ayla-Kat

Ayla-Kat profile image
Ayla-Kat in reply to Ayla-Kat

P.s. I am not saying that prescription Meds are bad. They were very helpful in getting through a very stressful work situation. They did relieve that panic attacks and it was nice to function without panicking. If you need medication please seek help.

I am out of the situation so I only need minor anxiety relief. I go to the gym and it's helpful. I suggest going to the gym. Or getting some exercise daily.😻

I'm really right there with everything I'm reading I'm having to start from scratch he even took the shower head and emptied out the house we built together while I was gone trying to get a grip on things but all it did was get worse cause I missed my kids and I thought I would get back my family all happy but that wasn't the case at all. I have 3 kids and now only one wants to spend time with me cause of all the hurt and pain we did some people can't forgive or move past and just want to be happy. I have always lived by one rule when dating if u can't make them happy then let them go life is to short to be unhappy but not some they want to bring you down even more and just stopped loving you it feels like a day but it didn't happen like that for me we fought all the time over stupid things but not stupid cause lying is never good nothing comes good out of lies and then I got to be someone I hated I was lost cause I knew my family was disappointed in me but not there dad that was hurting me so I went to jail not good nobody is worth all that plus it scared my kids and I scared them too by my own reactions of dealing w all of it. I go see a counselor but I'm depressed have anxiety problems and have ptsd really I've never thought I would be like this most days are good till someone hits them triggers u hate cause its so hard to rebuild ur life with just yourself helping I've lost my mother and father over my anxiety and past w living at home then comes the real thing divorce and ur kids will be split up

Sounds like what you are experiencing is pretty regular without a diagnosis! I am not a counselor just a regular Jane you might say- but you moved to a new state, different culture and everything else is new- what kind of work have you done? Also, this is interesting- lately I have heard the term emotional distress rather than mental illness. You need to do whatever you think will help you. Maybe you could try joining some groups like NAMI to help with isolation and ideas as well . Welcome!

What is that program I'm new to all this

Also, I take it that your bf' 's family is from NY? So..... you have some support there- that's really good.

I've always done administrative and clerical work. I know I've got lots of experience but looking at the job posts is intimidating, if it's not the job description I worry about the culture (what if it's different here and they expect more than FL and other silly thoughts) or I worry about the commute and getting lost. I know there are reasonable solutions and I lose nothing with trying but I get so worked up and then I get upset at myself for NOT trying. As time ticks and I think about the bills I have to pay I freak out even more and it becomes kind of a cycle. I definitely have support here from my boyfriend and his family but also don't want them to be like "Why doesn't she have a job yet?" and I know I'm just creating scenarios in my head that have yet to happen and will likely never happen but it is hard for me to control.

I've never heard of NAMI but I will definitely check it out. Thank you for the advice.

gogogirl profile image
gogogirl in reply to Hello_Vivi

Listen, a lot of people ( even from the area they were always from are looking for work. It doesn't hurt to seek out a career center. You're right- admin and clerical work as in any other job might be different depending upon the culture that's why a career center is important. Good luck!

gogogirl profile image
gogogirl in reply to gogogirl

NAMI is the National Alliance on Mental Illness.

Hello_Vivi profile image
Hello_Vivi in reply to gogogirl

That's a good point, I will try that. Thank you

Sorry to hear how stressed you're feeling :( I haven't had a job since 2015, I went back to college but ended up dropping and haven't done anything productive since. I know what you mean with the whole "i couldn't do that", because you think your anxiety/depression will interfere with it, I totally understand. But I think for people like us we need to take a risk even if our options don't seem appealing or maybe scary, if we don't then we might never bother with the idea alone again. Don't be ashamed of your mental health, it's as important as your physical health and it's a part of you, and you're important. If they really care about you they'll understand and support you no matter what.

Hope you feel better soon.

Sending you best wishes and strength ❤️

Your anxiety I will bet is building because you do not have a job and the bills keep coming. We all know what that entails. As you get to know more people ( like your bf's parents) you will develop a bigger network and they might know where to look for jobs also. Perhaps look for a job-even outside of your field like working in a store - whatever you want. NYC is known for the clothing.

Hello_Vivi profile image
Hello_Vivi in reply to gogogirl

Exactly. Yes, I am thinking I may have to do think outside the box as far as the type of job. Thank you.

How about not saying "People like us." We are all human. Sending YOU strength as well.

Thank you so much, I'm sorry to hear you haven't had a job. And yes, the anxiety and depression fuel these negative thoughts and it becomes very believable. Thank you so much for the encouragement, sending you well wishes and strength too.

I feel in exactly the same boat you are in except I haven't moved, that would add to the anxiety big timeb for me. Glad your bf parents are nice people. Are there any mental health places that go on a sliding scale, since you don't have income? If so I would definitely try to find meds, when they work they are a lifeline and can change your world. I feel the same things when I look through the employment ads, and it causes more anxiety just imagining starting a new job, new people, new learning, and what if I have anxiety or panic attack, what will they think of me? There needs to be a place/help for people like us to help find work. If I knew someone who worked at a place I could get a job I feel like that would help immensely. I would have an ally there and also know ahead of time what the work environment was like. Because a micromanaging boss can be a nightmare, and you never know what your getting into.

Howdy Vivi! I'm Brian and welcome to our little community! :) The people here are really nice and very supportive! You're not alone in this fight! You've got us all in your corner! :)

I know exactly how you feel. I am also now looking for a job. And I look at ads and also think often: this is too much ...I can not do that.

I feel angry with myself because of this fear and sometimes I don’t apply. But I think we should try to overcome anxiety in those situations and try...it would get us some confidence. Also remember that ads include too much on purpose...it is exaggeration. I was told: apply, go for interview, don’t avoid it. It is practice and it gives you samples what you will be asked next time. You are in a new city ... and no meds, no therapist. All this is very stressful, you are brave ... and will be ok. Don’t rush also, don’t criticize yourself even if you did not apply, you will do it next time, be gentle with yourself.

Keep us posted and I am here to talk any time. It is easier if you are not alone in a boat...and we are in the same boat. Hugs to you

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