Love my life but hate anxiety and depression

Question; has anyone ever felt like they don’t want to die but hate living? I had a blissful, beautiful life until I experienced a trauma 2 years ago. I now suffer greatly from anxiety and depression. I adore my family, have the world’s best husband and children, am financially secure, etc...yet the anxiety and depression from the trauma has left me broken. I have tried 3 anti depressants and they only make my anxiety worse. Lorazapem helps but cannot be taken daily and is addictive. I have spent thousands on therapy and it hasn’t really helped. If it weren’t for the fact that I love my family so much, and if I had the guts, I would end it...though I do fear death. I have also tried turning to God and so far no real relief there either. Any thoughts or ideas?

Thank you.

[Coralrose5]

Yes I feel that way toi

[Hidden in reply to Coralrose5]

How have you dealt with it.

[Coralrose5 in reply to Hidden]

I’m taking medication, in therapy. I used to be able to manage it with eating well, exercising, essential oils etc. but I hit a rough spot this winter so I started meds for the first time.

[Coralrose5 in reply to Hidden]

I feel like I’m fighting for my life each day. I fear that I will eventually commit suicide.

[Hidden in reply to Coralrose5]

Oh I am sorry...what meds do you take? Every anti depressant that I have taken makes me feel suicidal.

[Coralrose5 in reply to Hidden]

I’m taking Lexapro and buspar.

[Hidden in reply to Coralrose5]

I don’t know about buspar but I could not take lexapro. It gave me crazy thoughts. Currently, I don’t take anything. Dr wants to try an anti psycotic but I refuse to go down that road.

[Coralrose5 in reply to Hidden]

What kind of crazy thoughts? It hasn’t done that to me yet. I’ve Heard bad things but everyone is diff

[Hidden in reply to Coralrose5]

Everyone is definitely different. I have a friend who swears that lexapro saved her life. I on the other hand am very sensitive to ssris. The thoughts I had were of hurting myself though I never did.

[Coralrose5 in reply to Hidden]

Oh ok. I had those before I started it.

[JLoInCali12]

It must be really frustrating to be doing "the right things" but not get any relief. How long have you been in therapy and on meds? Do you doctors or therapist have any suggestions?

Exercise helped my anxiety until the meds kicked in - many studies show that exercise help get the good brain/body chemicals going. Also, research shows a positive connection between mental health and being out in nature - even getting out to a park or street with a lot of trees/plants/birds can be helpful.

Practicing deep breathing helped too. Anxiety can make you breathing shallow, so try to remember to take some deep breaths. I would do guided meditations on YouTube - and affirmations too.

Have you tried support groups/meetings? I go to one and find it helps. The one I go to has phone and online meetings, so if you can't/don't want to do face-to-face, that might be an option.

Some people find relief with vitamins, supplements, meditation, and/or essential oils. Others find CBT helpful.

I hope my suggestions have been helpful - if you want more input on any topic, just search the four, as a lot of people share what has/hasn't worked for them.

[Mourningmule]

You sound just like me. I posted a few hours ago for the first time. I too have good support, good therapy, excellent psychiatrist at the medical school. You can read my post about all the things I have tried. In spite of all I have I still have extreme anxiety and depression. I constantly think about ending the pain with suicide but don’t feel like I can leave my family with that guilt and pain. I am still searching for an answer and doing have any advice but you are not alone. It’s a disease. It’s hard to explain to someone who doesn’t have it. I’m still not sure how this app works but I think I can follow you. Maybe we can support each other.

[Hidden in reply to Mourningmule]

Hi there; I don’t know about you, but I was perfectly ‘normal’ until I experienced a trauma about 2 years ago. Literally had it all and would never ever have imagined myself in this position...ever. I also have ocd so I cannot let go of what happened to me. It’s good to know that I am not alone. Do you know the root of your anxiety/depression? I was once a very, happy, content individual. Let’s keep in touch,

[Hidden in reply to Mourningmule]

Please do not give up. For years, I thought I had faith in God, but only recently have felt a connection. Read books that match your faith tradition. Keep moving. Try doing small pieces of what you enjoy. If you are not up for a long walk, take a short one. I am not an expert, but you may wish to consider TMS. Seems to be a therapy that works for those who do not respond to pills. If therapy does not help, try another therapist or maybe a group therapy works for you. I sometimes find myself thinking about what I enjoy, but would benefit from doing it. Now is the time.

[TheBooG]

Hey, I’m 38 and I feel just like you. The main reason for me to keep going is because God wakes me up everyday and lets me know I have a purpose for someone in this world. Thank you for me being able to reply to your question

[Xena13]

Bless you... I can tell you are a person of quality!!!!! Make a plan.... include therapy, meds, meditation, exercise and time in nature. Keep a journal.... start every day with what you are grateful for. Expect ups and downs all along your journey. Write down any positives each day. Volunteer as much as you can. Join a support group!! I know you can feel better. Be realistic! ❤️

[Hidden in reply to Xena13]

Please tell me more about journaling. Have tried, but I think I need more structure. Thanks.

[youn]

i feel this way all the time i dont ever wanna die but sometimes i feel like this just aint it chief its way to hard to coup with

[youn]

btw im just 17 am i way to young to be taking medications because ive heard of people taking medications for their anxiety and i feel like i want to have it a go