Gaslighting boyfriend/depression

[Catram5]

So this is my first support group but this is my last resort before seeking a therapist. I’ve been with a guy for 2 years now that has done nothing but gaslight me and cheat on me and has broken me down so much mentally that I have constant anxiety attacks and can’t sleep now. I know I should leave and have tried many times but I can never stick with it. I block him then the next day I miss him so I go back. He is still going and seeing the ex he cheated on me with for a year and I’ve convinced myself it’s okay to have him halfway instead of not at all. I know I’d be happy and healthy without him but I can’t bring myself to leave. If I just ignore the fact he’s not devoted to me alone, everything is great but if I bring it up then I’m crazy and overreacting and he doesn’t love her anymore. But recently the past 3 days, I’ve hit so low that I’m constantly crying and losing the drive to do better and live. Not suicidal but I don’t want to go out or see friends or work. We’re technically not even dating because he has commitment issues. I’m a secret and the told me that I have to earn to be his girlfriend. I just don’t know what to do.

[PT81]

It’s hard to leave a relationship, even the bad ones. You deserve better then being a secret!

[Catram5 in reply to PT81]

I’ve tried multiple times and as toxic as it is, I keep going back because the good is great but the bad is awful. It is a constant struggle between settling or leaving but not being satisfied with someone else

[PT81 in reply to Catram5]

It’s a rollercoaster of intense emotions. Both ends of the extremes. In a strange why, that’s more comfortable and appealing then the possibilities of something different. I’ve been there too. Took me way to long to realize that I needed to get myself in order before I could be in a healthy relationship. I truly hope you find support here and a good therapist.

[Catram5]

I’ve been looking into getting a therapist but didn’t really know where to start but thank you for the suggestion. I really appreciate it.

[Freedom57]

This relationship is toxic, and is contributing to your declining mental state

Sounds like you're addicted to this guy, this is really unhealthy for you.

I left a bad relationship 2/28, I was physically ill 6 months prior because it was so dysfunctional. I haven't seen him for 2 1/2 months, and get stronger every day. I feel better mentally, physically, and spiritually

This man you're seeing in treating you very disrespectfully. He sounds like he has a lot of Narcissistic traits. I hope you realize you deserve to be treated with real love, and kindness.

Big hug

[hypercat54]

You know what you have to do - leave him. Can you get help with this?

[Hidden]

You must get far away from this destructive guy. He is controlling and manipulating you. He sounds mentally and emotionally abusive. Anyone who says you need to earn your way into a relationship is evil... run, run fast. You deserve much better.

[Hidden]

I have found this from wisdom gained through life so far, I'd you start a relationship with someone who is seeing g someone else meaning he is cheating on his partner with you then he will do it to you again and again and again again!

A leapord never changes it spots and their are plenty of fish in the sea. Avoid the cheater as well because it can bit you badly like maki g it seem your nothing g without him but remember your worth more that what you have.

[mae19681995]

Dear Catram5, Oh my! This is not healthy at all for you. Please seek a counselor or therapist. You can do so much better. You don't need to be a secret. I just cringed at reading your post. Please break free. This is not good for you emotionally, mentally or physically.

[FearIsALiar]

Hi I know it’s been awhile but I’m wondering how you’re doing?!

[MaggieSylvie]

It's like a very strong glue, isn't it? You do have to get away where the glue doesn't work. For instance, can you plan some weeks away on a course of some kind, say for work, or for some training you'd really like to do? That could make the glue ineffective, but you probably need some help moving your stuff out. I know there are organisations out there that can help women who are in abusive relationships, and he is abusing you, even if you think he isn't. I trained to be a Life Coach and in no time I was feeling high. I became so empowered by it. Perhaps there is something in your life you have always wanted to do, so that when you leave, you're not running away from something, but towards something else. Good luck.