Severe social anxiety and depression

[cinnamonapple89]

I have severe social anxiety. It’s very hard for me to leave my house and feel comfortable. I am very depressed and have completely shut everyone out since I’ve started this latest bout of existential depression about 2 years ago. Now all I want to do is sit in my house, smoke weed and think about death every waking second. And thinking about my guilt every waking second. How I wish I had more of a bond with my family. How they can die at any moment and I’ve spent 29 of my years being a shitty family member to them. I’m sorry I’m just so depressed and have been feeling outside of my body. Like I can’t explain it but sometimes when I scroll on my phone I feel like my thumb isn’t even mine. Like there’s 1 person inside my head and another person that people see. I’m trying so hard to stay grounded and stay “inside of myself” but it happens every day. I truly don’t know who I am and I don’t know how to go about figuring it out. I buy all these self help books that i can’t sit down long enough to get past the first 2 pages. It seems like so much effort to read. I have a therapist who is tryin. To help me through this but I mean I’ve spent 29 years with myself and I couldn’t figure me out - I can’t imagine she would have figured me out in the past few months. Help.

[Hidden]

Have you tried laying off the weed? It can aggravate symptoms for some people.

[Hidden]

I hear you..so you hear me..1st of all get of the weed..you don't realise how much it is impacting your life..its the weed controlling you cause you sound like you have no control of your life..so start taking control and firstly stop the weed.. control your behaviour towards others, like you said you acknowledge how of a shitty member youve been..Its ok, start being better..First to yourself, and then to others...forgive yourself..forgive others..wake up, take control, your life will start to fall in place..but unless you change, things will be they way they are, and it doesn't sound like your happy...change is good!..Quit some of your old habits and replace them with new ones..you know what to do!..you can do it..

[Ayla-Kat]

Hello, Cinnamonapple. I am so sorry that you experienced abuse as a child and you don't have the family support that you need. My heart goes out to you and I want to give you a big hug. Your story broke my heart.

You are experiencing the pain of abandonment and feel adrift without an anchor.

Like Ellikin response ,taking control Of yourself will be the best thing for you.

It will be a fight and a challenge to change and heal. But you are worth it!

Medication may help with your negative thoughts. Have you talked to your therapist ?

Nutrition and exercise is important. Make sure you have a good multivitamin and Magnesium is recommended for anxiety. I have a hard time leaving the house as well. So I use wii fit or you can exercise from home.

You have lived through trauma so be kind and know that it is going to really take time. There are so many here with experience of overcoming difficult issues. Ask for help.

If reading is difficult, there are many helpful YouTube channels and videos. My fave you tuber is Noah from Bignoknow . He's like a big caring brother. I adore him.

He says just make it to today. Focus on the moment.

Please know that a lot of us here have or are going through the same thing as you. Though we are online, you are not alone. Share with others and ask for help.

Your Friend,

😻Ayla-Kat

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[cinnamonapple89 in reply to Ayla-Kat]

Thanks! Although I wouldn’t say I was abused in any way as a child - I’m assuming my parents did what they could but perhaps they also weren’t emotionally developed you know?

[Ayla-Kat]

Oops Cinnamonapple. The first part was for Helen from a previous post I read. The rest pertains to you. Helen has a heartbreaking story.

[Hidden]

You explain how you feel well here, pass the print out of what you have written to your therapist.

It’s probably not what you wish to hear but I have to agree with other posters here, weed can have negative affect..

Hope you can take control. You deserve a life.

Every good wish to you 🌺🌺

[cinnamonapple89 in reply to Hidden]

I agree with laying off weed. It makes me feel “numb” for a second and it’s a feeling I like until i get in my head

[brightbronzexo]

I agree with other posters...try and lay off the weed...im trying myself so I know how hard it is, but i find when i don't smoke weed I'm so much more sharper and aware, and I'm much more quick on my feet. It makes me feel so sluggish and lazy. I hope u can kick it like I'm trying to do! Please hang in there I know you can make it!