C-PTSD

[af355]

Hey. I've been suffering from C-PTSD for over 3 years now. I am also visiting a psychotherapist who helps me a lot on my journey, but since we tried to get into my emotions I feel like I can't sink deeper to understand what has happened to me. I did have a flashback when my emotions came to the surface, but unfortunately it was at the time I was on weed. I feel this numbness inside of me or like something is stopping me from feeling my true emotions. I also feel like I'm detached from reality (similar to depersonalization). Has anyone found a way to cope with it?

[4woody]

What you describe sounds very much like what I experienced when my therapist began working with me on my dissociation. She had warned me that it would be painful. She also let me know that once I began it will be almost impossible to stop. She was right about both things. That was in 2006. I’m still working on integration of mind, body and emotions. I feel so much more real than I did then. Very few memories have surfaced. Very real feelings have. I don’t know if it is any easier now. It feels more doable now. Still hurts when stuff comes up. But it passes and I am left with more of myself added to my real ness. Hope this makes sense. Let me know how it moves forward for you?

[af355 in reply to 4woody]

Thanks for your reply. She also told me it would be painful, but I haven't yet got to that part. How did you get over the numbness?

[4woody in reply to af355]

Hard to say how I moved from one symptom to another. Numbness is just one. I must discipline myself to remain self-aware. Accepting what I feel at any given time seems to help me keep moving through as opposed to getting stuck. My experience has not been linear... I move forward on my timeline but also back sometimes. At least it feels like going back. It always ends up with me in a more whole place. This has been helpful for me to try to put this into words like this. Glad you asked your question. During the first few years I had a friend who was willing to listen to me talk about my work with my therapist. My therapist encouraged this and even invited me to invite my friend to observe if she wished. She said it is important to share it to keep it healthy. Secretive is not healthy.

[af355 in reply to 4woody]

My state is very linear. I don't have ups or downs it is just plain numbness. I am also on antidepressants so that might be causing it. Although it is true that at the beginning it was terrible and they helped me stabilize. I just can't go deeper

[4woody in reply to af355]

When I say linear I am talking about my process over the past 15 years. I wonder if the medication is inhibiting your brains ability to access more feelings or memories. Feeling stable is important too.