I fell in love with a man with PTSD and we married. He had so many issues and problems, but at the time it was okay; I stayed by his side through thick and thin, devoting almost all of my emotional resources to him. I loved him because I saw his kindness and warmth despite the symptoms of the PTSD. Four years has gone by and I feel completely replete of who I was before I got together with him. I feel like a ragdoll, so ripped apart, so devoid of any good emotions. I'm exhausted and extremely depressed.
I realize that the relationship began unhealthily and there are things I wish I could have changed earlier into it, but here I am feeling stuck. I want to love him and see the beauty in him again, but my brain is blocking him emotionally. He has been able to make connections with groups online and feels like he has grown and is healing, which is really wonderful.
I feel like a wasteland, so empty! He suggests activities for me to do to make myself feel better and to stay occupied, but the emptiness is so vast I can't see over the horizon. I have tried to get back into running, which I used to do all the time, especially trail running, and that does help; but when not exercising (which is really tough to motivate myself to do), I feel like a failure around the house, around him.